Healing (1/2) NC-17 Title: Healing, part 1/2 Author: Scarlet Scully Rating: NC-17: graphic description of rape Classification: SRA Spoilers: none Keywords: Mulder/Scully romance. Rape. Summary: Mulder is trying to comfort Scully after a difficult experience, but for some reason she is reminded of it every time they are together. Can they get through this? Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters here. They belong to Chris Carter and the folks at Ten Thirteen. Thanks for creating a world I can play in. Please send me any comments, good or bad. I'm new to fanfic and would love some input. Send all comments to scarlet.scully@home.com. Thanks. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------- Healing (1/7) Scully felt her body sigh with the release of years of hidden emotions. In her mind's eye she could envision crumbled walls lying around her feet. And in her arms, to her amazement, was her partner, Fox Mulder. She didn't have to imagine it either. He was really there, his arms around her, his full lips pressed against hers, his tongue questing deep into her mouth. Too soon, for Scully, he pulled away from her, smiling slightly. She could feel herself smiling back. He placed his hands along her jaw line, tilting her face up slightly and he gazed into her eyes. She stared back, searching into the depths of his beautiful hazel eyes, reading the love she saw there. Knowing for the first time in 5 years that she wasn't imagining what she saw. He had confirmed all her suspicions, and dreams. Mulder leaned forward, gently pressing his lips against hers, so tenderly. She was about to open her mouth to him again, but before she could, he pulled away. "I should go home now, Scully." , her mind cried. Instead, she heard herself stammering, "it's not late yet. Couldn't you stay for a while longer?" He read the mixed emotions in the big blue eyes staring questioningly back at him, one of the predominant ones being disappointment, another being confusion. "Oh Scully, you know I'd like to stay a little while longer. In fact, I'd *love* to stay *alot* longer, but I really don't think I should." He could still see she didn't understand what he was trying to say. "I...I just think that this is really the start of something big...something meaningful. Shit, no matter how I say it, it sounds cheesy. What I'm trying to say is that the way I feel tonight...I'm so overwhelmed and relieved and in love with you and I don't know how much longer I could stay in the same room with you without ripping your clothes off." Scully's eyes opened wide with surprise and desire. "Scully, I want you so badly right now, but I don't think it's the right time. When I make love to you for the first time I want it to be special and, to be honest, right now I'm not even sure if I could make it 5 minutes, let alone memorable." He laughed. "Do you see what I'm trying to say?" Scully nodded, "you want to wait and you can't wait tonight." "Right. But don't get me wrong. I definitely don't have any prudishly long courtships in mind. I just don't want to have our first time like this...after a fight that led to us, well, admitting our feelings. I mean, I think you at least deserve dinner. Hell, I think I'm even willing to throw in a show." "Gee, Mulder, you sure do know how to let a girl know that she's special. Okay, I understand. I'm not saying I like it, but I understand." "Thanks, Scully," he said while standing and picking up his coat. "I'll talk to you tomorrow?" "You had better call me tomorrow. And don't forget to kiss me good-bye." Laughing, she put her arms around his neck and pulled herself close to him, kissing him passionately, almost desperately. She pressed her body against the length of his body, feeling the distinct presence of the very reason for his early departure. Feeling thrilled at the desire she inspired in him, she thrust her tongue into his mouth with more persistence, grinding her hips against him at the same time. This elicited a slight groan from Mulder and he ended the kiss, breathless. "Scully, what are you trying to do to me?" She smiled at him. "I just want to keep you interested." "Believe me, you have every bit of my attention." "Sweet dreams, Mulder." She blew him a kiss as he walked out the door, closing it behind him. She leaned back against the door and sighed. It had been fun teasing him, but now she really wished he had stayed. Scully wandered around her apartment for a while, not really knowing how to pass the time. She didn't feel at all tired and knew that sleep was still a distant prospect. She glanced at her computer, but felt too restless to sit and do work, or check her email, or even surf the net. She picked up the phone 3 times, turning it on and then off again before having actually dialed Mulder's number. She decided to go for a walk, not really having the energy for an all out run. Once changed into a pair of tights and a baggy sweatshirt, she laced up her running shoes. She was about to walk out the door, when she realized that she had no clue as to where she was headed. Hating to walk without a purpose, she decided to head towards the video store. That way, once her energy was spent, she could sit and relax in front of the TV. The night was quiet and a slight breeze ruffled the leaves of the trees on the street. She enjoyed the quiet and reveled in her own thoughts. She smiled at herself, realizing that she felt happy for the first time in a long time. All the bad memories -- Emily, cancer -- were behind her. She knew that if she dwelled on her happiness for too long, she could pick out holes where complications could arise. She chose to ignore them however, letting the knowledge that she was loved by the man that she loved surround her in a blanket of bliss. Still encompassed in her happiness, Scully left the video store, almost humming aloud. She had rented "Sabrina", a love story that she had seen before but wanted to see again to keep the feeling of euphoria that she felt now. Her thoughts drifted to Mulder as she began the short walk home. In her mind, she could see his sensuous smile, the one he smiled when he was really happy. He had a devilish grin too that was sexy in its own way, but she loved his smile. She could see him passionately arguing some point and almost lost her breath trying to imagine how passionate he would be while making love. She was lost in her thoughts of him, remembering that stubborn hair that would never stay where it was supposed to stay, and the gentle pressure of his hand at the small of her back as he guided her along some hallway. Suddenly, she felt the pressure against her back. Realizing she was only a little more than a block from home, she thought Mulder must have come back and saw her walking up the street. She smiled and was about to turn back to look up at him, when the pressure against her back increased. "Keep walkin', bitch and don't even think of turnin' to look at me." The voice was gruff and definitely not Mulder's. She thought briefly of her gun, but then remembered she didn't have it with her. If she had, this man's hand would be directly above it, making it inaccessible anyway. Before she could think of a way to escape, the man's other hand came around in front of her, wielding a fairly large knife. "Turn in here," he ordered. At the same time guiding her into the alley with the hand placed at the small of her back. Wary of the knife, Scully numbly turned into the alley, only to find herself facing 3 other men. It was dark, and she couldn't make out any of their features. she scolded herself. The first man moved the knife from her stomach and pushed her forward roughly. She took the opportunity to swing her bag at the side of his head and take off past him, back in the direction they came. The hit didn't faze him though and he grabbed her wrist before she got away. Yanking her back roughly by her arm, he swung her around until she felt her whole body slam against the brick wall of the building. Her entire body was in pain, but a sharper, distinct pain was registering in her shoulder. Before she could move again, she felt a pair of hands grasp her wrists, holding them securely while she felt the cold of the blade against her skin followed by the tearing of fabric. She screamed wordlessly, in fear, in pain and in anger. The attacker holding her wrists had caused new waves of agony to emanate from her shoulder and she realized that the sound of tearing fabric was an attempt at removing her clothes. At the sound of her cries, her attackers turned her around and she found herself with her back against the wall and staring into the face of a man of average height, with short, dark hair and a goatee. Before she could look at the others, the knife was pressed against her cheek. "Another sound and you bleed. Got it?" Her cries died to a whimper in response to the cool metal pressed into her skin. She felt hands at her waist tugging at the remains of her pants until they caught at her ankles. More sounds of fabric tearing and then the hands were pulling her sweater over her head, moving her arms and causing her to cry out in agony again. "I warned you, bitch." And the knife, which had briefly left her face to remove her clothes, was once again pressed into her cheek. Only now, it sliced downwards causing her to scream again. She was thrown to the ground and she tried to get up. A foot slammed into her ribs, followed by a crunching sound. Scully found herself flipped onto her back, hands on her wrists and over her mouth. Then, to her horror she felt the body push between her legs and then felt the man thrusting inside her, stretching her to the point of tearing. She had closed her eyes and could no longer see anything. Her senses were assaulted with pain from numerous sources and her ears were filled with the sounds of her own muffled cries and the grunts from the man inside her. The first man pulled out from inside her and she felt her body forced over so she was lying on her stomach. Then there was another man inside her, or maybe it was the same one. She didn't know. Her arms were pulled above her head and her face was shoved into the gravel of the alley. She could taste blood mingled with dirt from the ground. Then, the second man pulled out, allowing a third man to enter. Some part of her mind was still working and she felt reduced pressure as the men switched positions. From some reservoir, she gathered the strength to get up and start running. The body slammed her into the ground again. "Not yet, little lady. We're not finished yet." She started screaming again. Then the knife was in front of her eyes again. "Now, what did I say about that?" Her cries faded to whimpers again. "Good girl. But you shouldn't have tried to get away. I'm gonna have to punish you for that." Scully started yelling for help. His fist slammed into her face. Then there were hands all over her body and fingers holding her head by her hair. She was on her stomach again, face shoved into the ground. Then a man was thrusting into her, only it was the wrong place. She cried out in pain, begging them to stop. The third man pulled himself from her ass and she kicked back at him, furious, no longer thinking clearly. There were more kicks to the ribs and she was definitely having a hard time breathing. The last man forced his way inside her, thrusting deeply, causing her to scream in agony with each thrust. After he finished, she was dragged to her feet by her hair and pushed back against the wall. "You're not gonna tell anyone, are ya?" She shook her head vehemently, causing her to feel nauseous. "Good, cause if you were gonna, I'd have to kill ya, now wouldn't I?" She nodded her agreement. He pushed his lips against her bloody lips, then let her body drop to the ground as he ran off after the others. Scully lay there for a long time not knowing what to do besides acknowledging that she was still alive and conscious. Both were strongly indicated by the waves of agony overtaking her ravaged body. Eventually, her mind processed that she was naked in an alley and she was overcome with the need to go home. Somehow, she managed to pick herself and her scattered belongings up off the ground. Clutching her clothes protectively to her body, she carried them and the bag from the video store home. Fumbling with her keys, she let herself into her apartment. She felt numb and some part of her mind signaled that she was going into shock. However, that part of her mind was no longer in control and was quickly dismissed. Once home, Scully felt the need to clean herself up. She didn't want to soil her home with the terror of what had just happened to her. She turned the shower on full blast and steaming hot. She stood under the water's spray, allowing the heat to assault her body as the men had previously. Suddenly, her mind was overcome with images of the attack and she fell to the tub bottom and curled up into a protective ball, crying softly. -------------------------------------- End of Part One --------------------------------------------------- Healing (2/7) Mulder was sitting at home, vaguely trying to occupy his restless mind and body, dribbling a basketball and trying not to think of Scully. Giving up, he picked up the phone and dialed her number, glancing at the clock. He smirked, imagining the raised eyebrow she'd give his explanation. "Hi, this is Dana. I'm not available right now. Leave a brief message and I'll return your call as soon as possible. Bye. ... Beep." Mulder grimaced at the phone. "Hey Scully, it's me. Pick up if you're there. ... Okay, I guess not. I'll call you later." He hung up. He picked up the basketball again, a bad feeling in his stomach. Giving up on the basketball, he sat on the couch and started flipping through the channels. Still, the gnawing feeling at the back of his mind would not go away. He didn't know what he would say to her when she came home, but he knew he had to go. He wouldn't sleep tonight until he saw her. Mulder arrived at Scully's building surprised to find her car in the parking lot. he thought to himself. He started to dial her number on his cell phone, but changed his mind. Reaching her apartment, he knocked softly at her door. After a couple of minutes, he knocked again, a little louder. Getting worried, he fished his keys out of his pocket, finding the key to her apartment. He was about to unlock the door with the key when the handle turned under his hand. He opened the door, rushing into the room and nearly tripping over her clothes at the door. He surveyed the heap of clothing, her keys and the bag from the video store, all lying on the floor. The sound of water running was coming from the bathroom and confused, he headed in that direction. "Scully, it's me. You left the door unlocked. Uhmm..." He hesitated in the hallway as he realized the bathroom door was open. "Scully, are you okay?" He strained to hear her, anything, but couldn't hear any sounds over the water running. His worry was taking over again. "Scully, if you don't say something soon I'm going to keep on walking right into that bathroom," he threatened jokingly. Still no response. He hesitantly took the last few steps to the bathroom door and turned the corner and stopped, frozen by the scene before him. Scully's naked body huddled in her bathtub, its skin reddened by the water assaulting it. Bruises were beginning to show on her wrists, the side of her body and her face. Blood was streaming from a jagged cut on her cheek and there were countless small cuts on her back. As he moved nearer, he could see blood pooling beneath her hunched over frame and running down the drain. She was still wearing her shoes and there were remnants of clothing around her ankles. Mulder knelt beside the bathtub, "oh, Sculleee..." She didn't turn to acknowledge his presence, but just stared dully at the tiles in front of her. He could hear her breath catch each time she inhaled. He reached out and pulled her against his chest. "Scully, what happened? Who did this to you?" His voice was a hoarse whisper, but she heard him. "Mulder?" she whispered and then tears started flowing down her cheeks. The strength of her tears increased from silent weeping to gut-wrenching sobs, making her breathing even more difficult. Still holding her battered form, Mulder pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, dialing 911. "Scully, I have to get you to a hospital, okay?" Then, after a short pause, he spoke into the phone: "I need an ambulance right away. Federal agent down -" His voice broke on the last words and tears started streaming down his face. He took a long, steadying breath and continued to give the operator all the pertinent information, angry at the time it was taking away from his tending to Scully. All along, he held Scully as her tears slowly abated, but her breathing was still coming in harsh gasps. "What the hell is taking them so long!?" His voice was louder than he had intended, but he was worried. Scully whimpered after hearing the loud words. In a softer voice, he spoke to her, stroking her hair. "Scully, I don't know what to do. I don't know what's wrong with you, what needs to be fixed. You're not supposed to get hurt, that's my job because you know how to fix me up. I'm going to turn the water off now, okay?" No response. "Let's get you into some clothes before the ambulance gets here." He reached over for a towel. She hadn't moved and in fact was still leaning against his chest. Mulder draped the towel across her shoulders. "I'm just going to the other room to get you some clothes." He started to get up, but then Scully grabbed the front of his jacket and screamed: "NOOO!" Her body was wracked with sobs and her breaths were so short she was near hyperventilation. Mulder quickly knelt back down. "Okay, okay. I'm not going anywhere. I'll stay right here. I won't leave, I promise." He continued whispering soothingly, while stroking her hair. Her sobs slowed, while her breathing continued to worsen. "Come on, Scully. Just hang on a little longer." Her head slumped against his chest, hanging low. "Scully?" He lifted her head, expecting to see her dull, staring eyes, but they were closed. "Scully?" He shook her, but she didn't respond. His hand shaking, he felt for a pulse, hoping. It was there. He breathed a sigh of relief. Then he cursed the slow ambulance again. Lifting her unconscious form from the bathtub, he rose, carrying her into the bedroom, intent on covering her somewhat before the ambulance arrived. ----------------------------------------End of Part Two----------------------------------------------- Healing (3/7) He was in the hallway when he heard the banging on the door. He carried Scully with him to the door, maneuvering to open it while still holding her. Paramedics waited for him at the other side. He laid her on the stretcher and one paramedic checked her vital signs, while the other asked him what had happened. Looking at the floor and her belongings thrown in a pile on the floor. He told them what he knew, which was little. "I found her in the shower, like this. These might be the clothes she had been wearing. I don't know. She was having a hard time breathing. She just lost consciousness. I was going to cover her up when you guys came." The first paramedic nodded to the second. "We're ready to go." "Can I ride with her? I, uh, promised I wouldn't leave her." "Yeah, sure. But you should bring those clothes to the hospital. They're evidence." Mulder nodded and quickly went to the kitchen, bringing back a garbage bag and stuffing the clothes in it. He followed the paramedics down to the waiting ambulance. He held Scully's hand while the paramedics tended to her injuries as much as they could during the short ride to the hospital. Arriving at the hospital, despite Mulder's arguments, he was forced to wait outside the examining room while various medical staff passed through the doors. He chased along beside her as they transferred her to an operating room, berating the doctors, demanding information about her condition. The doctors quietly deferred his questions, leaving him alone and in the dark again. Soon after Scully was transferred for surgery, the local PD arrived to question Mulder. "We understand that you are the one who found Ms. Scully, is that correct?" Mulder nodded his confirmation. "She's your partner, right?" Another nod. "What were you doing at her apartment at that time of night, sir?" "I was going to check on her. I called and she didn't answer. I was worried." Mulder's voice, when he answered held a tinge of anger. He was tired of being kept in the dark about Scully's status and he didn't need this jerk questioning his motives for going to her apartment. "It just seems odd that you were calling your partner so late on a Friday night." "Listen!" He was yelling now. "We don't go off duty after our shift is done like you lazy slobs do. Besides, if I hadn't gone there, it would have been much later before anybody found her. What would've happened then?" Tears threatened at the edge of eyes as Mulder contemplated all the possible answers to his question. "Okay, okay, take it easy." the questioning officer thought to himself. "Let's just have you describe what you saw when you found her." Mulder described in exacting detail the events at Scully's apartment, his eidetic memory preserving the surroundings perfectly. The image of Scully's battered body huddled in her shower had been burned permanently into his memory, haunting him each time he closed his eyes. "Can we see her clothes?" Mulder pointed at the garbage bag on the floor at his feet and the officer handed them over to his partner. "Too bad she was in the shower. She washed away all the evidence from the rape." Mulder cringed at the admission. He didn't want to believe that his Scully had been violated in such a way, but the facts clearly indicated that she had been. Apparently, so had the medical exam, if the police were assuming she was raped without having interviewed her. The officer's partner, sorting quickly through the contents of the bag, held up a video tape and looked at Mulder questioningly. "I guess she had gone to rent a movie. She must've walked, there's a store not too far from her place." He hesitated, his voice haunted. "It must've happened on her way home." "Okay, thanks. Let's head over there and see if we can find anything." The officers were about to leave when Mulder stopped them. "I want every scrap of evidence you find sent to the bureau. I'll be heading up an investigation of my own." "Agent Mulder, if you don't mind my saying, I think your personal involvement in this case would influence your judgment. Besides, this really isn't in your jurisdiction." "Actually, I do mind. And personal cases are my specialty. Make sure you send everything 'attention to Assistant Director Skinner'. He'll make sure it gets to me safely." With that said, Mulder stormed off in the direction of the nurses' station to try, again, to get an update on Scully's status. ----------------------------------------End of Part Three---------------------------------------------- Healing (4/7) Mulder sat at Scully's bedside, holding her hand, quietly begging her to open her beautiful eyes. She had torn and stretched most of the ligaments in her left shoulder, broken four ribs, one of which had punctured her left lung. She had eight stitches in the cut on her left cheek and countless bruises all about her face and arms. Mulder was sure there were more bruises staining her body where it lay hidden beneath the blanket and hospital gown. He was also certain that her body held evidence of the rape through injuries that the doctors felt uncomfortable discussing with him, not knowing the exact nature of their relationship. Mulder hadn't called Mrs. Scully yet. He didn't want to call her in the middle of the night and he didn't want to call her until Scully woke up. He needed the comfort of Maggie Scully more than Scully would when she woke up, but he wouldn't allow himself the luxury of that comfort. Tears fell unheeded down Mulder's face. "I'm sorry, Scully. I promise I'll make it up to you. I'll catch the bastard that did this to you and I'll make him pay. Oh Sculleeee, I'm so so so sorry." He buried his face in the sheets next to her hand, sobbing uncontrollably. After several minutes, Mulder gained control of his tears. He kissed the back of her hand and squeezed it gently. Almost a minute later, he felt a gentle pressure returned. "Scully?" A soft moan escaped her lips and her eyes fluttered open. "Come on, Scully, that's it. Just open those beautiful eyes. Wake up, Scully. I'm here for you. I didn't leave you. It's okay now. You're safe." "Mulder? Oh, Mulder. No, no. I thought it was you, Mulder. I didn't run away. I couldn't get away." Her words were whispers and tears streamed down her face. "Shh, Scully. Let me go get the doctor." He gently stroked the side of her face, wiping away the tears. "I'll be right back." Mulder hurried into the hallway to let the doctors know that she had woken up. Her words haunted him. She thought it was him. What did she mean by that? She didn't think he would do something like this to her, did she? While the doctors were in examining Scully, Mulder called Mrs. Scully. He managed to tell her everything that he knew without breaking down. He grimaced at the thought, closing his eyes. The picture of Scully huddled in her shower flashed into his mind. He quickly opened his eyes, banishing the image back to his subconscious. Maybe the VCS hadn't tainted his mind that much yet. He readied himself outside Scully's door, then entered quietly. A woman was seated on the edge of her bed, looking intently at Scully as she spoke softly. Scully noticed him entering the room. "Mulder, you're back." Her voice was tinged with relief. He moved to the opposite side of the bed and reached for her hand. He immediately pulled back. He was now forced to her injured side and moving her hand would undoubtedly cause her pain. The woman, he noticed, was a nurse. Apparently, she had been detailing the nature of Scully's injuries. Thankfully, he had missed the more intimate details and she was just finishing up, telling her that once they felt her lungs had healed sufficiently, she would be released from the hospital. Mulder smiled to himself. As much as she berated him, she too, didn't enjoy lengthy hospital stays. The nurse continued, "We just need to take some blood and test you for any sexually transmitted diseases. Also, the doctor prescribed the morning after pill. Here's your first set." Scully nodded her consent for the tests, but refused the pills. "I, uh, I can't have children." A slow tear escaped and traced a path down her cheek. "Scully," Mulder broke into the discussion. "We don't know that for sure. You haven't actually been trying to get pregnant since you found out." "Mulder, all the others were sterile." "But, there's no need to take a chance that you're wrong. There's no harm in taking the pills." He looked at the nurse for confirmation. She was confused by their discussion, but nodded her agreement. Scully took the pills and the nurse left the room, only to return almost immediately with a needle. Once the blood sample was retrieved, she left again. Mulder winced as she took the sample, not so much from the sight of the needle, but what it represented. Scully's ordeal was far from over. First she had to physically recover from her injuries and then start the lengthy emotional healing process. And through it all, there always stood the chance that the incident could come back to haunt in the form of some untreatable disease, like AIDS. "Mulder, come sit on this side of the bed. I don't want you looking at my bad side." She managed a faint smile as she spoke. He moved, happy to once again hold her hand. Mrs. Scully arrived shortly after and Mulder was ordered home to get some rest. It was now well into the afternoon, but Mulder opted to go to the office instead. He contacted the local PD to see how the investigation was proceeding. "Agent Mulder, I'm afraid we didn't find too much. There was evidence of a struggle in an alley between your partner's home and the video store. We found blood at the scene and some pieces of fabric. There's not much to go on." "What do you mean 'there's not much to go on'? You just said you found..." "I know what we found, Agent Mulder, but the blood is probably your partner's. We're running tests right now. The fabric matches the fabric of her clothes. The only evidence found at that scene is evidence that your partner was there." Mulder sighed in frustration. "Well, what about her clothes? Did you check them yet?" "We have an evidence team working on the clothes right now. They're isolating hair and fiber samples along with anything else they might find. I'm getting a preliminary report ready for you as we speak, so if you don't mind..." Mulder grunted a goodbye and hung up the phone in disgust. After a quick shower and change of clothes, he returned to the hospital. He arrived only to find that the local police were interviewing Scully. Angry that his partner's emotional well-being had been ignored and that he was not informed of the man's intent to interview his partner, Mulder entered the room without knocking. Scully paused in her statement. She was in the middle of describing the only man she could visually identify. Tears were streaming down her face. "Mulder..." "Agent Mulder, we're trying to get a statement from Ms. Scully." "And I'm involved in this investigation. You should have told me of your plans to come here and I would've been here from the beginning." He moved to Scully's side. She reached for his hand, grateful for the strength it generated in her. She hesitated still, uncomfortable in relating the story to Mulder. She knew he would be a part of the investigation and she knew he would read her statement, but all those things were different then actually speaking the words in front of him, admitting it to him. Taking a deep breath, she continued: "Then I was turned back around and my pants were cut off of me. They pulled my sweater off and I screamed from the pain, the pain in my shoulder. He turned me around then, that's when he cut my face." She continued further to describe, in sparing detail the repeated rape by, apparently more than one man. Mulder held her hand while listening to her, his other hand clenching and unclenching repeatedly. His anger with the bastards responsible coursed through him like a living beast. "Thank you Ms. Scully. We'll be back soon with some mug shots for you to look at." The detective shot a disapproving look in Mulder's direction and then left. Mulder sat on the chair beside her, stroking her hair, kissing her forehead. Eventually, his attempts to comfort her succeeded and her tears abated. ------------------------------------------End of Part Four---------------------------------------------------- Continued in Part 2. -- "Dear Diary: My heart leapt when Agent Scully suggested Spontaneous Human Combustion."