Title: It's the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine) (1/1) Author: Nicola Simpson E-mail: nsimpson@ualberta.ca Keywords: MSR, PG (I think--the last time I wrote fanfic, we didn't *have* ratings!) Summary: Sometimes a kiss is just a kiss. Maybe. Spoilers: Millennium, Irresistable, 6th Extinction: Amor Fati Disclaimer: The characters of Fox Mulder and Dana Scully are owned by the evil NewsCorp. I am only hijacking them temporarily; no copyright infringement is intended. Author notes: Okay. I haven't written XF fanfic in four years, which may be why most of you haven't a clue who I am. For the last two years I've been creating my *own* characters, but I've been inspired by the wealth of riches I've found on atxc in the last year, and decided to procrastinate on my current project by dusting off my fanfic skills. I wrote this story last week, after being intrigued by some of the spoilers I'd heard. Imagine the thrill I felt when the Event actually worked well with my idea! Anyhow, bear with me. And despite the title, this is not songfic. It's the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine) By Nicola Simpson ----------------- "The world didn't end?" "No, it didn't." I looked away, hating the way his face fell. Hating the way he'd seen my face fall. "Happy New Year, Scully." He sounded like he was saying "Go to hell, Scully." It was probably where I belonged. "Happy New Year, Mulder." I flinched as his arm fell over my shoulder. I didn't pull away, but I didn't exactly inch closer either. The warmth of his hand seeped into my upper arm, radiating downwards. It occurred to me that I might be having a stroke, until I realized there was no buzzing in my ears, no tingling sensations snaking across the back of my neck. Blinking away tears, I let Mulder steer me out of the hospital and into the inky night. I'd expected his kiss--had expected it for years. I knew someday his smile would fall over me, and his lips would follow. Late at night I'd lie in bed, wondering how I would react. Would I punch him in the nose or let my knees wobble until he hauled my flush against him? In the dark, I'd flop over onto my stomach, pressing my body into the bed until the fantasy of his mouth--his hands--was obliterated by a mouthful of pillow and a prickling sweat pooling in the curve of my spine. I expected a lot from my Prince Charming and the kiss that would wake my from my hundred years' sleep. I hadn't expected to feel nothing at all. Stale cigarette smoke hung in the air around the hospital entrance, making my nose hairs curl and my lungs ache. In the distance, car horns blared, welcoming the new millennium. Revelers reveled. And some passions were best left dormant. "You okay to drive?" Mulder's chin fell to his chest, pointing towards the sling around his arm. I looked up at him and nodded, finally pulling out from under his shadow. "Sure. It's not far to the motel." The curiosity in his eyes sent me two halting steps backwards. "Car's over there," I reminded him, pivoting on one heel and walking away from him. My fingers drummed an uneasy tattoo on the steering wheel the two miles to the motel. I sighed at every red light and bit my lower lip at every drunken jaywalker. "You okay, Scully?" "Hmm?" I turned in my seat absently, my gaze flicking over Mulder's frown and the tight lines around his mouth. "Yeah, I'm fine." Letting the air whoosh out of my chest, I pulled into the motel parking lot and swerved to stop in front of their rooms. I twisted the key in the ignition, and the engine died. "I hate New Year's," I confessed. If he was surprised by my comment, he didn't show it. "It's a fresh year." He reached for his seatbelt. "Full of possibilities." I raised an eyebrow. "Like the old year was? Maybe we don't want the answers to all our questions, Mulder. Maybe it's better to have no expectations, no fears, no promises, and just let life happen." The creases across his forehead deepened as he turned to me. "Should I be apologizing for something here?" He meant the kiss. I knew it. I knew he knew it. My smile came out more like a grimace as I undid my seatbelt and slipped the car key into my pocket. "Did you do something wrong?" "I'm not sure," he said slowly. I could see the indecision in his eyes, even in the dark. He didn't know if he should apologize for kissing me, thank me, or pretend it didn't happen. And I didn't know what I wanted to hear from him. "I'm tired, Mulder. It's been a long day." Shaking my head, I stepped out of the car and made a beeline for my room. My body ached with exhaustion, my hand trembling slightly as I thrust my key into the lock. I felt the warmth of his body loom up behind me, and his breath stirred the hairs on the back of my neck. "What's your New Year's resolution, Scully?" Without turning around, I closed my eyes briefly. "No regrets." I pushed open the door and stared at the neatly made bed across the tiny room. "You?" A lifetime passed, until I was ready to scream from the trickle of his unsteady breath sluicing over the tip of my ear. "Giving you no regrets," he finally said. *Too late*. A hot tear rolled across my cheek, and I stiffened. "Goodnight, Mulder." I shut the door on him without turning around. After shedding my coat and toeing off my shoes, I flopped onto the bed and waited for the sweat between my toes to dry. The world hadn't ended. Where was the quickening thrill that was supposed to rasp against my stomach lining? Why hadn't my heart threatened to burst out of my chest when he touched me? Damn it, he was tall, handsome, intense, intelligent, funny. Hell, he was *Mulder*, and I'd spent the last six years loving him. So why had his kiss felt so... sweet? Ignoring the wetness on my face, I sat up and peeled off my knee-highs. My fingers fumbled around the hem of my shirt when the door shook from his fist. I stared down at my clothes, and sighed. "Mulder, I'm naked!" "I need to talk to you." The glare I threw at the door should have warped the wood, or at least blistered the paint. "Can it wait until morning?" "No." Somehow I knew he would say that. I padded over to the door, scrubbing my cheeks dry with the backs of my hands, and opened it. "What is it?" "I kissed you, Scully." At least he wasn't going to beat around the bush. "Yes, you did." He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. "You didn't kiss me back." It wasn't a question. "No, I guess I didn't." Crossing my arms over my stomach, I walked over to the scarred bedside table and turned on the lamp. The dim light flooded a whole two feet of the room, and left Mulder in shadow by the door. Uncomfortable, I stepped out of the pool of light. "What are you waiting for me to say?" The flicker of anguish that crossed his face barely moved me. Barely. "I'd like to know why," he said. "I don't know. I wanted to kiss you. At least I always thought I wanted to kiss you." "Are you saying I'm not a good kisser?" "No." I scowled. What *was* I saying? "It was..." I searched for the right word, then my arms dropped to my sides. "Fine." He winced. "I'm sorry, Mulder. It was a nice kiss, really. No big deal." I would cross the room, would lay my hand on his arm and pat him gently. But then I'd have to touch him. "I'm in love with you, Scully." His low voice rumbled over me, its sincerity making me pale. "No, you're not. You need me. There's a difference. Maybe once upon a time you loved me." I tried to shrug. "I probably once loved you. But we didn't do anything about it, and now it's gone. It's okay, Mulder. If there's one thing we should have learned by now, it's that maybe we're just not meant to be together." He looked like he was about to faint. Suppressing a glimmer of impatience, I stalked over to him and pulled him towards the bed. "Sit down." Sitting beside him, I clasped his hand between mine and squeezed. "You're the only one I trust, Mulder. But we're not soul mates. It just took me until tonight to realize it." "Liar. Do you want to know how it felt to kiss you?" He whipped his hand out of my grasp and closed his fingers around my chin, turning my head to meet his pained gaze. I'd met his gaze like this once before, in an old house in Minnesota. But I hadn't known what I was seeing in his eyes then. Now I knew--I saw myself. And it frightened me. I tried unsuccessfully to pull away. His thumb clung to the pulse under my jaw, tilting my face to meet him. "I know how it felt to kiss you," I said lamely. He shook his head, storm clouds hovering in his eyes. "No, how *I* felt kissing *you*. It felt good, Scully. Damn good. Peeling the dead skin from a sunburned nose kind of good. Sunday morning basketball kind of good. You taste like the breath I feel on my face when you lean over my hospital bed, and I love how your lips wobble just a little when you kiss me. Maybe the earth didn't exactly move, and I didn't sweep you up in my arms the way you wanted me to, but it was *right*, Scully. You know it was." I was speechless. Somehow coming back with "Well, I felt like I was kissing my brother, Mulder" didn't seem like a good idea at that moment. "What do you want, Scully? I'm ready to give you anything, but you have to tell me if anything is what you want." "I want more," I whispered. Slowly, he pulled me towards him, his nose nudging my cheek as he lowered his lips to mine. His mouth was warm and gentle, and grazed over mine like a stray eyelash. It was sweet, fleeting, and very familiar. When he straightened, I saw the gleam in his eyes. "Scully, we were in a *hospital*. *This* is more." And he tugged me flush against him, his fingers slipping away from my chin to curve around my throat. He devoured me, his tongue sliding over the curve of my upper lip and his body hard beside me. His hands slid over my jawbone and into the hair at my temples, then smoothed over my head and snaked their way down to tangle in the small of my back. A throbbing began low in my belly, hot and slippery. My cheeks felt like they were on fire, and I wanted to burst out laughing with the wicked sensation his kiss stirred in me. I let my hands go to his waist, but I didn't allow them to slide under his shirt until he nibbled on my lower lip. I gasped, my fingers digging into his sides. I kissed him back. His soft groan lodged a bubble of delight in my chest as I leaned into him. I had him, held him in the sweaty palm of my hand. *This* was what I wanted--to know that if I was going to be standing by his side forever, that it would be worth it. By the time I drew away and touched my forehead to his, we were both shaking. "Hey, what do you know, Scully? The world didn't end," he murmured against my forehead. I smiled, my heart finally tripping in my chest. "That's okay. I'd rather it went on anyhow." THE END