9-96 From Saraid: Are you my mother? (I'll take quotes from favorite children's books for $500, Alex) Okay, folks, here's part 5 and things may be looking up. (But don't get used to it :) details: CC, 1013, yada, yada, yada...(are you bored with this? I'm bored with this...) Rated PG-13 or R for language and major UST. Some necking, but no sex. There's an actual case here, but it's not really a very interesting one. Not really an X-file, either, but they do get stuck with them sometimes. None of my personal characters either, just some local filler. As always, comments and critiques to matsu@wf.net. I've been getting some good responses, I truly appreciate everyone who took the time to write me, I need the feedback to keep going. Is there anyone out there who *doesn't* like the series? I wanna know, *really*. Walls part 5: Dungeon Prologue -------- Slime He had it! "MULDER!" Scully's scream brought him back to earth, hard. Gasping for air, he scrambled to his feet in time to avoid the bullet that spurted dust in front of him. "Back here, now!" she grabbed the back of his jacket and hauled, pulling him behind their battered rental car, where he flopped beside her and watched while she rose from her crouch and returned fire over the hood, her shots echoed by a dozen other guns wielded by local law officers. "Did you get it?" she asked as she crouched again. With a twisted grin Mulder held up his prize in tightly clenched hands - - the journal Eric Rosoez had dropped as he fled his apartment after he realized it was being watched. "Dumb luck, Scully." he said. "Is it in there?" she rose to shoot again. Rosoez couldn't keep this up forever -- he was pinned behind another car, an old truck. And without his book he had no bargaining point. Mulder flipped pages faster than she thought humanly possible, searching, searching..."Yes! Here it is! A map!" Closing her eyes Scully breathed a quick prayer of thanks. Mulder was following the crumpled paper with a finger. "Somewhere by the lake, Scully, the east side!" he said loudly over the gunfire. "Let's Go!" signaling the cops behind the nearest vehicle she and Mulder began to back away from the shootout, reaching the corner of the apartment building and straightening, both hovering over the book. Scully checked her watch, and then the sky. "It's been over 48 hours, Mulder, she might not still be alive." "She's strong." Mulder said as he sprinted to another car parked behind the building. There were two plainclothes detectives in it, watching the back. Mulder yanked open the door and grabbed one by the shoulder. "We've got the book! Let me drive!" he shouted. The detective stared while his partner reached for his weapon, but Scully held up her badge and added her voice to her partner's. "We need this vehicle. We know where Samantha Fox is." Mulder waved the book in front of their faces and yelled at them. "We're running out of time! Give us the car!" Understanding suddenly, they tumbled out of the car. Mulder jumped behind the wheel while Scully shouted directions at them. "East side of Starbuck Lake! Call for an airlift, we'll meet you there!" Then Mulder stomped on the gas and they peeled out, the sound of gunfire fading behind them. They walked quickly through the woods. Evening was fast fading to dusk and the flashlight they had found in the glove compartment was dimming on old batteries. Mulder swore and banged it against a tree. "That won't help, Mulder." Scully said. This case, with it's eerie echoes of their own lives, had been hard on him. But not as hard as it had been on the five teenage girls Rosoez had kidnapped, raped, and left for dead, tied somewhere in the Arkansas woods. Samantha Fox was the sixth -- and, praise god, the last. If only they could find her before she died. "*Fuck this*!" Mulder shouted suddenly, throwing the flashlight into the trees. Scully started to follow it, but turned back to him. He was leaning on the tree, close to tears. She put her hands on his shoulders, lending strength. It had taken him three weeks to figure this guy out, to get into his head enough to let them find him, and it hadn't been a pretty trip. Rosoez had taken three more girls during that time and each one Mulder had taken personal responsibility for. And the last one had been a stroke of genius on Rosoez's part, even if he didn't know it. *Samantha Fox*. Why had he chosen a girl with that name? Did he actually have the rudimentary psychic power Mulder suspected? Or was it just a horrible coincidence? It didn't matter. Scully leaned close to Mulder, letting him feel her weight, her strength, and then began talking to him, slowly, quietly. "Breath, Mulder. Easy. Just breath, and think. You know which way he went. Follow his path...you can see it in your mind..." After a minute he breathed deeply and straightened, turning and gently pushing her away from him. She sighed, feeling the implied rejection as she had so often these last few weeks. "Okay." he looked at the stars, getting his bearings. "Everything in sixes -- which constellation only has six stars, Scully?" She looked at the sky with him. "Stars, Mulder?" "He's done the earth, the water, the air, etc. Stars may be the next logical step." "Uhhhh...I don't know." she sighed. "*Little bear*. The little dipper." Mulder said suddenly. "On the map, it said 'By the Little Bear'!" "Okay." Scully was following that. "But which way do we go?" "North." he said firmly. "I'll explain while we walk." He explained as they recovered the flashlight and it made perfect -- if twisted - sense. And then they found Samantha Fox. Tied tightly to a tree, just as the other girls had been. Gagged and nude, her body showing signs of abuse that Scully empathized with. When she heard them approach she opened her eyes, wide and terrified. When she saw Scully she began to cry. She was so dehydrated that there were no tears, but that was okay. She was alive. "You're going to be fine." Scully told her as they cut her down and wrapped her in their jackets and Mulder carried her out of the woods. She meant it. PART#1 ------ Sentry Dana Scully lay back on her pillow with a deep sigh. It felt so good to lie down and know she wasn't going to be yanked up for an emergency. Tonight she actually got to *sleep*. With a yawn she shut down her laptop -- sitting on her lap, natch -- and set it to the side. She planned on sleeping so hard she didn't even bump it. Snuggling down, pulling the quilt up higher, she reached for the bedside lamp and eyed the phone. Should she call him? She knew how he would be. Friendly, funny, distant. The way he'd been ever since that night in New York, when he told her he loved her. When he told her to go on with her life without him. He'd worked so hard on this case, it had really taken a chunk out of him. He took it personally, he *always* took it personally, but this had been so bad. But they'd won. Rosoez was in custody -- the cretin had surrendered, obviously his vaunted psychic powers didn't tell him where child molesters were on the social scale in prison -- and Samantha Fox was alive and well. Unlike Mulder's sister. She knew that was what would be eating him now. And she couldn't just let him lay there alone in the dark and obsess about it. With a heavier sigh, knowing she was setting herself up for a major rejection, Scully climbed out of bed and shrugged into her long velour robe. It was warm and soft and covered *everything*. Then she left her room, went down the short hall -- she had chosen the hotel this time -- and knocked on Mulder's door. There was no answer, but she knew better than to believe he was sleeping. "Mulder?" she said, not too loudly. It was late and she didn't want to wake anyone who was lucky enough to be sleeping. "Mulder, it's me." There was a shuffling sound and then the door opened, showing her his back as he trudged away from it. She went in. He didn't greet her or even look at her, just sat back down on the bed and stared at the TV that was providing the only light in the room. Scully sat beside him. Silence reigned. At last, unable to take it, Scully leaned against him and wrapped her arms around his waist, her head on his shoulder. She felt him stiffen, but he didn't pull away. "It's okay, Mulder." she said softly. "It doesn't have to mean anything more than friends. I just want to sit here with you." I don't want you to be alone right now. Her only answer was a grunt as he grudgingly put his arm around her shoulders, bringing her head to his chest, but he didn't relax, kept that tight hold of himself. This was the worst time for him, after. The time he went over everything he'd done and kicked himself for not doing more. For not being better, smarter, faster. For being only human. But he held her. And for now, that was enough. Scully closed her eyes and soon slept, lulled by his controlled breathing. The shrill ring of the hotel phone woke her. It stopped after one and she rolled over -- was she still in Mulder's room? -- and saw him sitting beside her, the phone pressed to his ear. "Yes, sir. Thank you sir, we tried." He nodded as Scully sat up. She was still wearing her robe, and she was warm, so she unzipped it. Mulder caught her hand without looking at her. "Where? Three o'clock. Got it. I'll tell Scully. We'll be there." He hung up the phone without a goodbye and turned to her, pulling his hand away quickly and standing. "I was going to let you sleep." he said, stopping a couple of feet away from the bed, presumably a safe distance. But his heart was in his eyes and Dana couldn't help reaching for him, one small hand beckoning. "Mulder..." He backed off another step, shaking his head slowly. Then he turned and left the room without saying anything. Mulder leaned against the stop sign. It was a good thing he'd been wearing sweats last night, because he'd needed to run. To see her, waking up in his bed, looking so sweet and soft and sexy...it had nearly killed him when she'd looked at him that way, her eyes so soft, just like they were when he touched her... He shook his head fiercely. He *couldn't* think that way. This was the right thing to do, this was what was best, *for Scully*. What was best for him didn't matter. Pushing himself off the sign, he began again, a steady, ground-eating pace, back the way he had come. His bare feet slapped on the pavement, absorbing the shock with a jolt that ran up the back of his legs. This was gonna hurt tomorrow. "Ugh." Dana stepped into the shower, feeling grungy and unwanted. Mulder had run away from her like she was his darkest demon...which, come to think of it, she might just be. But she could be his angel, too. She knew that. She just had to make him see it. Or not. As the hot water poured down on her she leaned back and considered. Why was she pushing him so hard? Was it because he had admitted he loved her? Or was it, as Dr.Levine had suggested at her last session, to avoid other, potentially more fulfilling relationships? Mulder loved her. She knew that. But what could he give her? What *would* he give her? Friendship. Partnership. Trust he gave no one else. But he wouldn't give her marriage and he wouldn't give her children and he wouldn't give her the future she craved. She was thirty-two. Was it time to accept what he had to give and look for those other things with someone else? Her thoughts turned immediately to the other FBI agent she had met, had spoken to and emailed regularly since. *Dancer*. He was light to Mulder's dark, a smile to Mulder's pain. And Joe. She hadn't called him in a month. He had taken her out several times, they had talked and she liked him. *Really* liked him. His humor, his commitment, his gentleness. She could fall in love with him. Or with Dancer. But Dancer hinted at his own darkness, which he felt rivaled Mulder's own, and Joe was...well. She rinsed her hair and stared at the curtain, appalled at what she was thinking. Joe was *black*. Did that *bother* her? She'd never considered herself a person who was concerned about color. It was an accident of birth, a happenstance, like her red hair and pale skin. Had she actually stopped seeing him because of *that* and used Mulder as a convenient excuse? She got out of the shower, toweling herself roughly. She needed to *do* something about that. But she needed to do something about Mulder, too. He knocked on her door two hours later. She let him in without a word, dressed in jeans and a sweater. He seemed to be limping slightly. "Skinner called." he said without preamble. "We have another case. We got it because it's weird and we're nearby, relatively. Wyoming." She sat at the small table and watched him. He wasn't really looking at her. "What time is our flight?" she asked quietly. He was too controlled, too far away emotionally to reach now. She'd have to wait. "Three. Are you packed?" She nodded, remembering when he wouldn't have asked, just assumed she was ready to go. When they had had entire conversations with their eyes. Now they had to use words, clumsy and slow. "Good." he said. "Mulder." she said as he turned to leave. "Aren't you going to tell me about the case?" "Skinner didn't tell me anything, just said we'd get the data when we got there." he said, obviously uncomfortable. "Oh." she sighed. "Go on, I can see how bad you want to get away from me. I wouldn't want to keep you." Her harsh words hit him hard, she could see the pain in his eyes. "Scully." he started, then stopped. Tried again. "I..." "It's okay, Mulder." she sighed. "That wasn't fair. It's not right for me to try to push you into something you don't want." "It's not what I don't want. Scully." his voice dropped and cracked like a teenager's. "It's what I can't have." "No one but you ever said that." He stepped closer, until he was almost close enough to touch. But she didn't reach out her hand. "Mulder. You're destroying us. Everything we had, everything we were, it's all slipping away." she whispered. "I know...I can't seem to do anything to stop it..." he clenched his hands in front of him and then wrapped them around his shoulders. "I'm stuck, Scully. I can't go forward and I can't go back." He sighed as her hand came out and stroked his chest, lightly. "I can only go down..." She wanted to stand, to go to him, waited for a sign, but he remained solid, apart from her. And she didn't. The moment passed and he pulled away, opening his eyes and shoving his hands in his pockets. "I'll come get you at two." She nodded and he left. They sat alone, separated by walls thicker and stronger than those of the hotel. end of section From XFarchive@aol.com Wed Sep 18 17:20:56 1996 Return-Path: owner-x-files-fanfic@chaos.taylored.com Received: from chaos.taylored.com (chaos.taylored.com [206.53.224.58]) by sh1.ro.com (8.7.4/8.6.9) with SMTP id TAA32647 for ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 19:17:42 -0500 Received: (qmail-queue invoked by alias); 18 Sep 1996 22:21:47 -0000 Delivered-To: x-files-fanfic-outgoing@chaos.taylored.com Received: (qmail-queue invoked by alias); 18 Sep 1996 22:21:45 -0000 Delivered-To: xff-outgoing@chaos.taylored.com Received: (qmail-queue invoked by uid 1003); 18 Sep 1996 22:21:35 -0000 Received: (qmail-queue invoked from smtpd); 18 Sep 1996 22:21:28 -0000 Received: from emout04.mx.aol.com (HELO emout04.mail.aol.com) (198.81.11.95) by chaos.taylored.com with SMTP; 18 Sep 1996 22:21:27 -0000 Received: by emout04.mail.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) id SAA01751 for x-files-fanfic@chaos.taylored.com; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 18:20:56 -0400 Date: Wed, 18 Sep 1996 18:20:56 -0400 From: XFarchive@aol.com Message-ID: <960918182056_525351229@emout04.mail.aol.com> To: x-files-fanfic@chaos.taylored.com Subject: Walls 5: Dungeon 2/5 Sender: owner-x-files-fanfic@chaos.taylored.com Precedence: bulk X-UIDL: 8c8816ff4cb0b3507c8bd8b9f0501136 I did not write this. Unfortunately for me :-) *Please* send comments, and send them to Saraid: matsu@wf.net But if you do send them to me because it's easier to hit return, I'll understand and forward them all to her ........M (V) S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Part#2 ----- Sacrifice "Okay. I'm done here." Scully yanked the mask off her face and stripped down as she walked out of the autopsy room. The corpse had been recent, not particularly gruesome, but still unsettling. It was the thought of it. Mulder was waiting, a large cup of hot coffee for her, her jacket. He knew the room's chill would penetrate her scrubs and she usually came out shivering. Not enough body fat, he'd teased her more than once. "So, is he dead?" She gave him a patented Scully 'look'. "If he wasn't before he is now." "Sword?" "The metal analysis hasn't been run yet, Mulder." she scolded. "What have you got?" she sat in the plastic chair to drink her coffee and warm up. He flourished the folder that had been under his arm. "Same thing I had two hours ago. Second body, same family. Only the first guy did himself -" he winced at the mental image "- and apparently this guy was encouraged." "Forced." Scully corrected. "Forced, Mulder." "Right." he stood. "I haven't got a hotel yet, I thought I'd let you choose." "So why are you being nice to me?" she asked as she followed him out of the building. They'd arrived just in time for Scully to perform the autopsy. "You trying to set me up for another bizarre theory?" He got into the rental car -- another blue Taurus. It was an epidemic. "Not me, Scully." he shook his head as he started the car. "I think it's a family thing. The grandfather felt dishonored and so he killed himself in the appropriate ritual fashion to expunge that dishonor from his family name. Then another family member got angry at the second guy, the grandfather's son, either for causing the dishonor or for not doing the deed himself." "You think it's based off some archaic honor code." He gave her a hard look, then went back to the road. "Japanese men committing sepeku in the proscribed fashion, the same way they did it eight hundred years ago? Yeah, I think it's an honor thing." "I thought it was called 'Hari-Kari." Scully objected. "Hari-Kari is allowing yourself to be killed in pursuit of an honorable goal." Mulder slowed as they approached a Motel 6, but Scully shook her head and he passed the entrance. "The fighter pilots who bombed Pearl harbor, *they* committed Hari- Kari. These deaths were *sepeku*, done to restore honor." Scully wanted to ask, how do you know so much about this, Mulder? but was afraid. "Trust me, Scully." he smiled as he pulled into a Howard Johnson's. "I'm an expert on this." She didn't answer him, just went in to get the rooms. He waited in the car. "See?" he opened the file as she finished her food, but not to the pictures, she was grateful for small favors. "They were both on their knees, feet bound together and then tied to their waists." "Why do it that way?" "So the body doesn't fall over before it's found -- that would be disgraceful." "Kind of a *you can't even kill yourself right* thing?" He smiled at the tone of her voice -- angry and disbelieving but amused nonetheless. "Exactly. Then he took the sword and made the cuts in the right directions -- north-to-south and then east- to-west." "So why cut off his head? And if the first guy did it to himself, who did that to him? *Don't* try to tell me an eighty- year-old man cut off his own head, before *or* after he disemboweled himself." "No, someone else does that. It's kind of like having a second when you're dueling -" her stare made it clear she didn't get that reference, " - a friend you ask to help - he's there to prevent you from making a mistake. Or backing out. Or embarrassing yourself by screaming from the pain." "So the guy disemboweled himself and then his friend cuts off his head." Mulder nodded, eyes sparkling. "Yeah. Unless it was a woman. Because women's abdomens are meant for making babies -- and women are generally considered to be less strong in Oriental cultures - - all a woman had to do was cut her throat." Scully winced. "But her second would still cut her head off for her, so she wouldn't scream, and in case she didn't cut deep enough." "I don't think I like this." Dana signalled the waitress for more coffee. The girl, a petite asian beauty, came right over, smiling. When she left Scully glanced around. There were a few other people in the room, and at least half of them were of Japanese descent. "What are all these people doing here, Mulder? I know it's the great American melting pot and all that, but why are they all *here*? In Wyoming, of all places?" "I thought you'd get that one right off." he sounded disappointed. "World War II, Scully. Several of the biggest interment camps for *enemy citizens* was right here. We can even take a tour, if you'd like." "Interment camps?" Scully sounded shocked. "A prison camp? *Here*?" "Japanese immigrants *and* Japanese born Americans, Scully. Ripped from their homes and transported here against their wills, and then stuck here after the war. Doctors, lawyers, teachers - they all became farmers. That's all they were allowed to be." "Yet another glorious moment in American history." Scully sighed. "It was pretty bad." he agreed. "So, where do you think we should go first?" "How much information do we have on the family?" "The Makitas." he supplied the name. "Family history seems pretty normal. Grandfather -- " "Deceased." Scully said. "-- Hiro. Wife deceased. All traditional names, that's a little unusual. Sons Nabol -- the second victim -- and Hiro junior, wives Pando and Kim. Grandchildren Suki, Hikaru, Nobuki, Matsu and Tetsu. The last are twins. Great grandchildren are Lei, Midori and Alito. All of them are Hikaru's children, but Suki is newly married and expecting." he glanced at Scully, met her eyes and continued, looking back at the file although he didn't need to read it again. "Hiro was a pig farmer, Nabol and Junior were pig farmers. Hikaru and the twins are teachers, married to teachers, and Nobuki is sort of a handyman to his father Junior." "They kids went to college. Does it say what Hiro did before he was shipped here?" Flipping through, Mulder frowned. "Nope. It doesn't even say he was shipped here, I sort of inferred that." "It's probably not relevant anyhow." Scully said, getting up. "I think we need to talk to Junior and the others. Find out what it was that Hiro senior was so upset about." Mulder followed her out of the diner. "Several of the local cops are japanese, they knew what was going on, they asked, Scully, and got no answers. That's why they called us." She got into the car, and he leaned on her window. "We have to at least try, Mulder." she said softly. Then we can explore more interesting angles." "I have some pretty interesting angles." he said softly. Scully narrowed her eyes and hit the button to roll up the window. Mulder backed off and smiled wryly. "Sorry." he said shortly as he got in to drive. She didn't say anything. They drug themselves into the hotel lobby after eleven that night. Frustrated, tired, the last thing they wanted to hear was the clerk's apologetic words... "I'm really sorry, but we've had a leak on the third floor and it's caused several problems on the floors below." "No rooms." Scully said flatly. "There was that motor court back down the highway." Mulder suggested, anticipating her grimace and response. "The one that rents room by the hour? I don't think so." she pinned the clerk down with her stare, and he squirmed like a bug. "You don't have a single room left?" "Well, there is one..." he seemed hesitant to offer it. "We'll take it." she said, turning away toward the cafe. "I'm getting some coffee. Take care of it, Mulder." The clerk stared after her and Mulder grinned at him as he brought his attention back. "Are the two of you a couple?" the clerk asked, looking at Mulder's feet. "I just ask because the room is really small and there's only one bed..." "No couch?" Mulder asked sympathetically. The clerk shook his head. "We've been partners for four years." Mulder grimaced. "I think I can manage to share the room with her." He had everything taken care of by the time Scully came back with her coffee. "Your key." he handed it to her with a soft smile. She really looked beat. Dark circles under her eyes and everything. "Thanks." she let him take the luggage and lead her to the elevator. "Oh, shit." Mulder put the bags down. The clerk hadn't been kidding. the room *was* small. Way too small for his comfort. The bed was only a double, with a round table and two chairs on one side and a small chest of drawers on the other. The mirrored dresser held the TV, and there was a door leading to a tiny bathroom. No tub. He stuffed the bags in the crack beside the bathroom door that was probably meant to be a closet, and turned. "Why don't you take the bathroom first while I see if I can order a pizza." he said, seeing how tired she was. Scully nodded. The room was awful, but at least it was clean and didn't smell bad. She was so tired she couldn't see straight, and it bothered her. Why was she so tired? She'd put in longer days than this...Mulder's offer of first shower was generous, considering what the hot water situation was likely to be, and she took him up on it gratefully. "Extra mushrooms." she said. He'd left her case on top of his so she dug for a minute and recovered essentials before shutting the door behind her. Good thing she wasn't claustrophobic. He ordered the pizza and some sodas, then got out his own change of clothes. He felt nervous, as if this was something important happening. It's just a hotel room. Nothing's gonna happen. You decided that months ago. He looked at the bed and shook his head, instead pulling out a chair and turning on the TV to sit and watch. But his eyes kept coming back to the bed. Scully. His rebellious mind kept throwing up images, visions he didn't need to remember right now. Things he needed to keep control of, or they would control him. Scully on his chest, smiling down at him, her hands warm as he kissed them. Her body pressed tight to his. Her weight as she slept in his arms. He shook his head, hard, encouraging the headache that was building at his temples. When it came it was going to hurt. Speaking of hurt...he took off his shoes and peeled socks off battered feet. Ouch. There were a few speckles of blood, but mostly they were bruised. He needed to toughen them up more if one run left them in this condition. The knock on the door was a relief, but now his feet hurt even more because he'd looked at them. He was sitting in one chair, feet propped on the other, eating pizza when she came out. Greedily, she'd stayed in long past what was polite, trying to soak the unexplained ache out of her muscles. He didn't seem to mind, only smiled a half smile and opened a diet soda for her, handing her a napkin with a piece of pizza -- the one with the most mushrooms, she saw. "Thanks." she sat on the bed with relief, watching as he got up and went into the tiny bathroom. There was a yelp and she covered her mouth with one hand to keep from laughing. He'd found the top of the shower stall - with his head, just as she had imagined he would. She put down the pizza and looked around the room. Cramped quarters. She was really going to owe him for this one. Thinking about it, she looked at the bed. It was pretty small. But there was no way he was going to be able to sleep in those chairs...and not enough room on the floor on either side. So they'd have to share. Did she want to take advantage of that? She lay back, thinking of that night in New York. The convention. His words; *I love you too much to do that to you.* Did she love him too much to do this to him? With a sigh she rolled over and had a conversation with herself, the way Dr.Levine had showed her. It clarified things. What do you want, Dana Scully? A man who loves me to live my life with. Is Mulder that man? He could be. I don't love anyone else the way I love him. Does he want to be? No. Maybe. Do you have the right to push that on him? Does he have the right to take that away from me? What kind of life could you have with him? The one I'm leading now, only we'd be doing it together. And what about the rest of it? There was the sticker. *What about the rest of it*? Could she live with never having children? Never seeing Mulder's beautiful eyes stare up at her from a tiny face? *Mulder's* eyes? Where had that come from? She was still trying to sort it out when sleep claimed her unwillingly. He stepped out of the bathroom shivering. The hot water had run out just as he shampooed his hair and he'd had to stay in long enough to finish. He hoped Scully had enjoyed the hot water, she'd apparently got most of it. She was asleep, on her stomach, curled around a pillow. He fought the rise in his throat as he looked at her. She looked so small. So frail. So perfectly wonderful. She hadn't eaten. Maybe she was more tired than she'd looked. But she had *looked* very tired. She shifted and he sat on the bed, reaching a hand to rub her back and sooth her back to sleep, as he had after her nightmares when they had woken them both. He hoped she didn't have any tonight. He sighed deeply. He was tired too. And his feet hurt. Maybe he could get some sleep. He always slept better when she was nearby, whether it was the next bed or the next room. But now there was only this room and this bed. He'd be okay. He turned out the lamp and stretched out beside her, still shivering, so he pulled back the covers, carefully moving her, and covered them both. Lying back, he closed his eyes. And wasn't surprised when she rolled over and pressed herself against him. Holding his breath, he waited until she was settled in a comfortable position before he allowed himself to react, wrapping an arm around her - there was nowhere else for it to go - and sighing again. In her sleep, snuggled to his chest, Scully smiled. Her hands were on his chest, stroking, touching him, and he sighed, turning into the contact, his hands reaching for her. Her mouth opened beneath his and she met his tongue with her own, eagerly, hungrily. There was no air to speak and no room between them for words as she pulled him closer insistently. Her hands were on his, moving them where she wanted them and then his hands were filled with the bare silken softness of her breasts and she groaned into his mouth and...Mulder woke up. Actually, woke fully. Dana was in his arms and he was touching her and she was holding him close while they kissed...and he hadn't been dreaming. His sudden stillness told her something was wrong. With a mental shake she pulled herself from the pleasure she was feeling, the security she had craved, and looked up into his eyes. In the dark of the room, broken only by a sliver of light from the slightly separated curtains, he looked shocked. And angry. He didn't say a word as he pulled away from her, releasing her body with a suddenness that left her aching and cold inside, rolling brusquely over and yanking the covers over himself with finality. The chill air crept up on her and she covered her mouth with her hands, determined not to cry, the hurt so deep and so filling that, for long minutes, she couldn't feel anything else. Couldn't think. Couldn't breath. It faded gradually, and oxygen returned to her lungs and feeling to her body, but the need to sob became overwhelming. Matching his movements, she rolled as far as she could to the other side of the bed and pulled the covers to her ears, clutching a pillow and holding it close to her face as the tears began to fall, silently, rolling to soak the white cotton as she struggled to breath without making a sound. His body ached with the force of his desire, but he wasn't going to give in. *How could she have done that to him?* Didn't she *care* how he felt? He'd explained himself to her...but she hadn't listened. Or she thought she knew better than he did what was right for him. For them both. His feet still hurt, and now his headache was a reality, a splitting, pounding fact that wasn't going to let him sleep again. It was very quiet in the small room. He strained to hear her breathing, to tell if she had fallen asleep again so he could creep out of the bed without a fight. He didn't know where he would go, but he had to go someplace. Outside. To get some fresh air... He heard a muffled noise that he couldn't place. Worried, he rolled slowly back over to study her. The restrained shudders might have been unnoticeable to another, but he saw them right away and knew what caused them. She was breaking his heart all over again. "Scully..." he whispered, afraid to reach out. His voice floated to her ears and drove the pain another notch deeper. She bit down on her lip to hold in the anguish that was tearing her apart. There was a definite shudder, a reaction to his voice and he responded to it the only way he could. He scooted closer and gathered her unresisting into his arms, wrapping himself around her, holding her close and whispering in her ear. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...I thought it was a dream and then I woke up and it was real and I was scared..." his words tumbled over each other as he tried to ease the hurt he knew he had caused. "I didn't mean it, Scully, I love you. Please don't cry. It hurts me so much when you cry...I can't stand to be the cause of it." There were tears in his voice but he held them back, unwilling and unable to release them. But she heard them and they touched her, reminded her of who he was and how he did things. "Please, Scully. Don't cry anymore. I'll do anything you want, just don't let me make you cry. I'm not worth it, we both know that." His promise of 'anything' was enough to bring a fresh spasm as her mind flew across the possibilities. What she could ask for was so far away from what he could give. But her thoughts did help bring her back down to the world, where it narrowed gradually to the bed, her pain, and the strength of his arms, the warmth of his voice. Her sobs tapered off. He continued whispering to her, not saying anything, really, just needing to fill the space between them with his voice, his words. At last she was lying, quiet, spent and his voice trailed off to silence. They lay, wrapped in each other, both so quiet the other thought they were sleeping, and then, at last, as the first pale light of dawn began to lighten the room, Scully spoke softly. "I should be apologizing, Mulder. I took advantage of the situation to try to push you into something you don't want. It was unforgivable." "No..." he shushed. "No. It was kind and generous of you to want to share yourself with me after all I've put you through. I just want you to understand, Scully. It's not you. It's me." "*What* is it about you, Mulder?" she asked, so tired that she didn't really care about the answer. "What makes loving me so hard for you?" There was a pause as he sought an answer to that. "I'm a coward, Scully. I'm afraid to try because I'm afraid to lose you." "Oh, Mulder." she sighed, her eyes closing, on the verge of sleeping again. "Someday you're going to lose me anyhow. Will it hurt less if we're not together when it happens? Or more because of all the chances we wasted?" He had no answer for that, and she didn't demand one. Instead she slipped into exhausted sleep and he climbed out of bed to pull on sweats and go for a run, his sore feet punishing him every step of the way. Penance. end of section From XFarchive@aol.com Wed Sep 18 17:21:06 1996 Return-Path: owner-x-files-fanfic@chaos.taylored.com Received: from chaos.taylored.com (chaos.taylored.com [206.53.224.58]) by sh1.ro.com (8.7.4/8.6.9) with SMTP id TAA06530 for ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 19:36:21 -0500 Received: (qmail-queue invoked by alias); 18 Sep 1996 22:22:04 -0000 Delivered-To: x-files-fanfic-outgoing@chaos.taylored.com Received: (qmail-queue invoked by alias); 18 Sep 1996 22:22:01 -0000 Delivered-To: xff-outgoing@chaos.taylored.com Received: (qmail-queue invoked by uid 1003); 18 Sep 1996 22:21:49 -0000 Received: (qmail-queue invoked from smtpd); 18 Sep 1996 22:21:37 -0000 Received: from emout18.mx.aol.com (HELO emout18.mail.aol.com) (198.81.11.44) by chaos.taylored.com with SMTP; 18 Sep 1996 22:21:37 -0000 Received: by emout18.mail.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) id SAA21527 for x-files-fanfic@chaos.taylored.com; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 18:21:06 -0400 Date: Wed, 18 Sep 1996 18:21:06 -0400 From: XFarchive@aol.com Message-ID: <960918182104_525351346@emout18.mail.aol.com> To: x-files-fanfic@chaos.taylored.com Subject: Walls 5: Dungeon 3/5 Sender: owner-x-files-fanfic@chaos.taylored.com Precedence: bulk X-UIDL: 84c98a720788e5f98acda529755953a7 I did not write this. Unfortunately for me :-) *Please* send comments, and send them to Saraid: matsu@wf.net But if you do send them to me because it's easier to hit return, I'll understand and forward them all to her ........M (V) S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Part #3 ------- Something Rotten She was up and dressed when he got back, sitting at the table working on something. He walked in and she looked up. "We've got another one." "Nabol?" "Yes." she didn't ask how he knew the victim -- Mulder had powers of intuition well beyond normal man. *Too bad they didn't apply to anything but work*. "His daughter found him this morning when she went to pick him up for work -- they car pool. His wife was asleep in the next room and didn't hear anything." "I guess we need to talk to her." he looked down at himself, sweaty and grungy. He was relieved she wasn't going to bring up last night, but oddly irritated that she could turn it off and concentrate on work so easily. Of course he had no idea if it had been easy for her or not. And she wasn't about to tell him, not after what he'd done. "Why don't you go grab something to eat while I shower and change." he suggested, wanting her out of the room as much as he wanted food. She nodded without answering and got up, gathering her things. Suddenly she was interrupted by a harsh sneeze. "Bless you." he said automatically, handing her a tissue from the box beside the bed. He stared at her, carefully measuring her, as she blew her nose and sniffled a little. She was wearing the dark kakhi-colored pantsuit. The one she wore when she was unhappy. The circles were still under her eyes and her nose looked red beneath her makeup. "Are you feeling okay?" She nodded, not looking at him, and left the room without further comment. Nabol's wife Pando had taken inscrutability to a whole new level. She hadn't heard anything, she hadn't seen anything, and she didn't know anything. They left feeling like they knew less than they had to begin with. At the car Mulder laid his head on the top, feeling the metal already warming in the morning sun. Scully got in and waited for him without a word. He started up and glanced at her as she sneezed again. "Scully?" "I'm getting a cold, Mulder. Nothing terrible." she said with an irritated look. "I'm stuck on this, what angle do you think we should be following?" He drove, idly thinking of stopping at a drugstore so she could get something, and thought about her question. "There has been no discernible loss of honor on the household." he said reflectively. "Tax records and employment histories show do problems. The whole family is probably more stable financially than I am. We're missing something." He pulled into the parking lot and got out. "Wait here." He came back a few minutes later to find her leaning back against the seat, eyes closed. Getting in, he dropped a small bag in her lap. She eyed it curiously, almost afraid of what she'd find inside. What had he gotten at the drugstore? "If you're planning an apology for last night, I have to tell you I don't really feel up to it." she said quietly, with a question in her eyes. His smile was warm and amused as he shook his head. "Just open it." She did and was rewarded with a bottle of Nyquil, a box of cold tablets, a package of tissues and a small bottle of orange juice. "Oh." "You need a clear head to work today." he said. "Thank you." she said, debating. The way her head as pounding, the Nyquil looked very inviting, but she knew it would knock her out. So she opened the box of cold pills and swallowed a couple with the juice, which she finished quickly. "Where are we going?" "I want to check the records at the camp." he said as he turned onto the freeway. "Call it a hunch." "Okay." she couldn't think of anything better to do, they might as well. They weren't getting any leads on this one. "It's a way out of town, feel free to take a nap." "Thanks." she muttered with irritation. But she did put her head back and doze off quickly. She woke up a while later to find her head on Mulder's shoulder as he pulled into a graveled parking lot inside a high barbed-wire topped chain-link fence. He parked in front of a low concrete building and looked down at her. His eyes were soft brown and warm, easing her headache just by looking at her. "You feel up to this?" it was asked softly and she felt a sudden sense of deja'vu. It felt, just for a minute, like everything was the way it had been. "Yeah." she pushed herself up and blew her nose again as he smiled with quiet amusement and went around to help her out of the car. Sneezing yet again, feeling as if her head was going to explode, Scully pushed the ledger away with a groan. Instantly Mulder was there, hovering. It had been sweet at first, but now, six hours into their search, it was just aggravating. "I'm fine, Mulder. It's just a cold." If he's this bad now, I wonder what he'd be like if I got pregnant, she ruminated, her mind wandering. He'd be perfect, she knew. The perfect expectant father. When he wasn't working or thinking or crashing. "Here's something." he said suddenly from his seat across the table and she blew her nose again. She should've taken the Nyquil. She leaned to see what he was pointing at. "This entry is about disciplinary action against one Hiro Makita, for giving his food to a friend, Nishumi Takuri." "They punished him for sharing his food?" "Well, it was really just a warning. But the interesting part is that Hiro claimed that he owed it to Takuri. He told them ;'My family is honor-bound to his. I must do as he asks.'" Scully sat back, thinking. "Is there any mention of Takuri in the police reports?" "He was never mentioned." "What does he mean by honor-bound?" "The Japanese had a very rigid social code, Scully. A family usually belonged to the lord of the province, the *daimyo*. He decided everything for them, where they lived, what they did, who their children married. He could also demand sepeku if the family dishonored itself." "Do you think they're still doing that here? Now?" "It's a possibility." he smiled a small. "And not all that extreme." "Are there any more entries about them?" He read further on, and nodded, turning the page and pointing to another. "It seems when rationing got tight Takuri demanded Makita's share on a regular basis. Even Makita's wife, who was pregnant at the time, gave him her share." "What a jerk." taking food from a pregnant woman. "More than you know." he read on and stopped at another entry. "She lost the baby a few weeks into it." Scully's face reflected sadness for this woman, so far removed from her in time and culture. "But that doesn't explain what's going on now." "But it gives us a place to start." he snapped out his cel phone. "Sgt.Bullock, please. Yeah, I'll hold." he rolled his eyes at Scully, who smiled wryly. "Yeah, Bullock. I was wondering, have you questioned a Nishumi Takuri? Uh-huh. Well, there's an old family connection and I was wondering if you'd looked into it. Uh-huh. You think it's a waste of time? Whatever." he grimaced and Scully could imagine what the big, beefy, distinctly unfriendly Bullock was saying. "Well, we'll follow our own investigative procedure." He snapped the phone shut with a shrug. "He says there's no connection between Makita and Takuri and we're wasting our time." "Which probably means we're onto something." Scully agreed. "So let's go talk to Takuri." Takuri's house was beautiful, set on a small hill, built on very traditional lines. Mulder got out of the car and surveyed it. "Bet it's cold in winter." "C'mon." Scully said, going up the curving path with another sneeze. He walked beside her, not touching, but close enough for her to feel his warmth. The door was opened by a young white woman. "We need to see Mr.Takuri." they flashed badges and she paled slightly beneath her healthy tan. "He's in the stable." she said quickly. "One of the mares is foaling." "That one?" Mulder pointed to the largest of the outbuildings, but she shook her head. "The broodmare stable." she pointed into the distance and they could make out a much smaller building painted white. "He's been there all night. They thanked her and began walking. "Ugh." Scully said as she almost stepped into something disgusting. Mulder took her arm and neatly steered her around it. "I think this stuff has gone to my head." "Isn't that why they call it a 'head cold'?" he grinned and she rolled her eyes at him. There were several small pens around the stable and Scully had to stop with a smile, seeing the lanky foals nursing and playing beside the bulk of their placid mothers. "Babies are so cute." she said softly, and Mulder looked down at her. "I guess so." She gave him a *men* look and they went into the darkness of the stable, lit only with a shaded overhead bulb. Two men leaned over the side of a large stall, calling quiet encouragement. They were so concentrated on the event in front of them that they didn't notice the two agents for a couple of minutes. "Who are you?" the taller of them, a lean white man with long dark hair neatly braided up, looked up with concealed curiosity. The older man, an elderly Japanese, ignored them like they weren't there. He was still talking to the horse they could see as they got closer, on her side in the straw, sweating and straining, murmuring in his native language. "Federal agents." Mulder displayed his badge. "Fox Mulder and Dana Scully. We'd like to ask Mr.Takuri some questions." "Can't it wait? We've been with her all night, this is her first foal and he's going to be worth a lot of money." "Will it be much longer?" Scully asked. "Not too long now. Would you like to watch?" She looked at Mulder, who shrugged. Takuri wasn't going anywhere. They might as well wait. Scully pressed up against the stall when the young man motioned to her, Mulder looking over her shoulder. "I'm Allen Stone, Takuri's farm manager." he said. Up close, with the light on his face, Scully could see he was of obvious mixed ancestry. She graced him with a smile and turned her attention back to the horse. She was straining, and there was a tiny pair of hooves protruding from her. Mulder gulped audibly behind her and she hoped he wasn't going to faint. It didn't take much longer. There was a great heave and then the mare climbed to her feet to wash the wet, dark bundle of goo at her feet that wiggled and then, suddenly, was revealed as a small horse, all legs and neck that craned around wobbly. Stone slipped through the door and knelt beside the baby, rubbing briskly with what looked like an old sack while the mare washed the face, with an obvious white mark running down it. "A good little stud." Stone said, but didn't sound pleased about it. Takuri grunted and turned away, walking out of the stable. Mulder followed him, but Scully lingered to watch as the baby struggled to his feet, enchanted. "Did he want a girl?" she asked Stone as he came back to the side. It had been only ten minutes since his birth, but the baby was up and looking to nurse. "She's an old mare and we've had a heck of a time getting her pregnant. He wanted another one like her." Stone acknowledged. "But his bloodlines are good and he'll be fast." Noticing that her partner was gone, Scully smiled at the young man, and went in search of him. Mulder had Takuri cornered by the pens, and he didn't look happy about what he was saying. She could hear him as she caught up. "You're saying you know nothing about any of this." Mulder was reiterating. Takuri nodded. "The men who ran the camp had no idea what was going on, Mr.Mulder. They probably thought it was some old family honor thing." "And it wasn't?" "It didn't *happen*, Mr.Mulder. Things were tight for everybody. They misunderstood what they saw." "What *did* they see?" "Two old friends sharing." Takuri said with a sad smile. "I was as crushed as Hiro when she lost the baby, almost as if it were my own child." "Do you have any children, Mr.Takuri?" "I married very late." Takuri said softly. "My wife was only able to give me one child before her death, a daughter to care for me in my dotage. Scully arrived and Mulder was looking irritated. "May we meet your daughter?" she asked, picking up the conversation. "She's away at school right now." "You have no knowledge of the situation in the makita family." she pushed. He shook his head genially, spreading his hands before him. "I am saddened by their losses, but I have nothing to do with them." he said calmly. Seeing they weren't going to get anything else from him, they left, silent communication flowing between them. *Do you believe him?* her eyes sought his. *No. Those records were clear.* His met hers. *But what could he have to do with it?* *I don't know, but we're gonna find out.* They got into the car and drove off to look for lunch. Over her bowl of chicken soup Scully studied Mulder, allowing her mind to wander on the edge of the fever she felt overtaking her. *What would his babies look like? Would the world ever know? What would the world lose if he never had children?* She sighed and he noticed. "Scully, you look like...." he didn't finish the sentence but she got the gist. "That was so sweet, Mulder, I'm at a loss for words." "Why don't I drop you by the hotel and you can get some sleep while I try to track down a connection between Takuri and Matika?" She closed her eyes for a minute and thought about it. Sleep... "That would be good." she said quietly. "I don't know how much help I'm going to be for the next couple of days." "You can fly back if you want." he said softly. *And miss sharing that room with you?* "No, I'll be fine. I just need to rest." she said. He finished his burger and she her soup and he dropped her off. Gratefully she took the Nyquil and fell into the bed in a pair of his boxers and one of his T-shirts. Somehow wearing his clothes made her feel better when she was sick. end of section From XFarchive@aol.com Wed Sep 18 17:21:17 1996 Return-Path: owner-x-files-fanfic@chaos.taylored.com Received: from chaos.taylored.com (chaos.taylored.com [206.53.224.58]) by sh1.ro.com (8.7.4/8.6.9) with SMTP id TAA12295 for ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 19:53:51 -0500 Received: (qmail-queue invoked by alias); 18 Sep 1996 22:22:17 -0000 Delivered-To: x-files-fanfic-outgoing@chaos.taylored.com Received: (qmail-queue invoked by alias); 18 Sep 1996 22:22:16 -0000 Delivered-To: xff-outgoing@chaos.taylored.com Received: (qmail-queue invoked by uid 1003); 18 Sep 1996 22:22:04 -0000 Received: (qmail-queue invoked from smtpd); 18 Sep 1996 22:21:49 -0000 Received: from emout10.mx.aol.com (HELO emout10.mail.aol.com) (198.81.11.25) by chaos.taylored.com with SMTP; 18 Sep 1996 22:21:48 -0000 Received: by emout10.mail.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) id SAA22162 for x-files-fanfic@chaos.taylored.com; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 18:21:17 -0400 Date: Wed, 18 Sep 1996 18:21:17 -0400 From: XFarchive@aol.com Message-ID: <960918182114_525351446@emout10.mail.aol.com> To: x-files-fanfic@chaos.taylored.com Subject: Walls 5: Dungeon 4/5 Sender: owner-x-files-fanfic@chaos.taylored.com Precedence: bulk X-UIDL: 549f616438162c83366831fd31a21c89 I did not write this. Unfortunately for me :-) *Please* send comments, and send them to Saraid: matsu@wf.net But if you do send them to me because it's easier to hit return, I'll understand and forward them all to her ........M (V) S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - The clerk stopped Mulder as he blew in that night. "Agent Mulder! We have several rooms available now, sir, if you and your partner would like to move." he said, obviously glad he could tell him this. Mulder stopped and smiled to himself, and shook his head. "That's okay. We're comfortable where we are." he said. The clerk looked like he was going to object, but then he smiled knowingly and nodded. "Whatever you say, sir." he said, and Mulder went up to the room, carrying a bag of chinese takeout complete with two orders of egg drop soup. She was sleeping curled around a pillow. He smiled when he saw that she had confiscated his favorite shirt and a pair of boxers. Leaning over her he touched her face, relieved to find it cool. She woke at his touch, opening her luminous eyes, looking at him clear and cool. "Hi." he said softly. "Hungry?" She nodded and sat up, not noticing when the T-shirt dipped low until he reached to pull the collar up. She blushed lightly. "I thought you could eat this." he handed her the first cup of soup and she took it, drinking while he ate rice and chicken. "Did you find anything?" she asked after a while of companionable quiet. "The grail." he said with an enigmatic smile. "A Japanese grail?" she smiled back. "Actually, almost every culture has some sort of grail mythos..." he started and then raised his hands as she threatened him with a pillow. "No, *really*." "So what did you find? About the case." "I wondered how Takuri was doing financially. He has that big ranch, a great house. But his tax records say he's been losing money for the last ten years. And Matika put his kids though college and has always turned a profit, but he lives in that dinky little place on the other side of town." "You think Takuri has been squeezing him." "On the basis of an ancient loyalty." "But why stop paying now?" Scully finished the soup and dared to try a piece of chicken. He handed her his carton with a grin. "Nabol took over the financial workings of the farm for his dad last month. Seems Hiro's eyesight was failing and he couldn't keep up with the paperwork. I talked to Hiro's opthamologist, he had cataracts, inoperable because of a genetic heart condition. He was going blind." "So Nabol took over and discovered what his father had been doing all these years and put his foot down." "Can you imagine what it was like, Scully? To struggle for years and then find out your father had been giving money away to someone who didn't need it when you did? Nabol and his wife almost lost the twins at birth because they were premature, and they were paying off that hospital bill for the first seven years of the babies' lives." Scully frowned. "So Takuri's been putting pressure on them. Hiro felt so bad about the whole mess that he killed himself, and then - what? Takuri hired somebody to force the others?" "I did some checking." he smiled wryly. "The records keeper at the city paper likes to talk. A lot. About anything. She's locked down there in that basement hours a day...I have to tell you, I empathized." he took a bite of rice, making her wait. But two could play that game, she serenely nibbled his chicken. "Okay. Takuri said he had only one child, a daughter, right? Well, that was true as far as it goes. Olla -- the records keeper -- says he carried on an affair with a woman from the wrong side of the tracks -- a white woman -- for many years. A Sandra Stone. He supported her and she gave him five strapping sons." "Allen Stone." she said, understanding. "Not acknowledged -- bastardy is a real stigma in most asian populations -- but supported by their father. Even employed by him." "And perhaps willing to kill to keep that support." He grinned widely. "It gets even better. Guess who Suki Matika is married to?" "I would think his last name would be 'Stone'." she said. "Right. The youngest of the Stone boys. He's several years younger than Suki, but apparently he wanted her real bad so his dad insisted." "And she went along with it." "Traditional upbringing. You marry who your father tells you to." *Who would her father have wanted her to marry?* Scully wondered briefly. "Is Suki the next target?" "I don't know if they're willing to kill her, but she might be." Scully sat back and sighed, putting the food down. It was sticking in her throat. "This is all speculation, Mulder. We can't prove any of it, except that Matika doesn't seem to have enough to show for his years of hard work." He came to sit beside her. She glanced at him and he opened his arms. She curled up next to his chest gratefully, feeling warm again. "I'm sure we'll think of something." he said into her hair, allowing himself a minute of contact before he stiffened up and held her with his arms and not his heart. They were quiet for several minutes before she spoke up. "Mulder. You're making me crazy. What do you want?" He sighed but didn't answer, just laid his cheek on her soft hair. "*Mulder*." she insisted. "You can't keep doing this. You push me away one minute and pull me close the next. *What* are we going to do about this?" "I thought it wouldn't change." he whispered. "I thought we could spend that time together and go back to the way we were." "I thought it would draw us closer together, give us a deeper understanding of each other." she said softly, echoing his sentiments in her mind. "I would go back if I could." he said in a voice that broke. "I wouldn't." she looked up at him, his eyes shut tight as his arms tightened around her. "I wouldn't ever have known how you really felt if we hadn't made love." He didn't speak, and she could feel his breath as it caught in his chest. *Enough.* she thought. *We're pushing it too hard. We're talking again, it will only be a matter of time before we work this out.* "Mulder." she said softly, her voice gone professional again. His breath whispered into her ear. "hmmm." "We have to get to Suki Matika's place before the Stone brothers do." "yeah." he unwrapped himself from her and they got up. He went outside to give her room and privacy to change, but she almost wished he'd stayed to watch. The distance was safely between them again by the time they got to Suki's. It was a pleasant little house, and Suki was a cheerful little woman with pain in her eyes and a well-rounded stomach before her. "Yes, I know what my grandfather did with his money. My father told me when he found out. He was against my marriage because he knew I wanted to marry another, but I...I chose to follow my grandfather's wishes. I wanted him to be happy." "Do you think your husband had anything to do with your father's death?" Scully asked quietly. "He went to his mother's that night." she said, dropping her eyes and looking at the floor. "Do you think you might be in any danger?" "Women are usually the last to be killed. We aren't important enough to go first." she said, not looking up. "Actually, the women were often killed first, to torture the their husbands and brothers with their inability to protect them." Mulder said. Scully gave him a hard look, and he shrugged. "We can protect you." Scully told her. "You don't want anything to happen to your baby." Suki finally raised her eyes form the floor. "It would be no life for him without honor." "Are you saying that you agree with what's going on?" Mulder was harsh. She didn't answer, only looked back at the floor. "I don't think we're going to get anything else here." Scully told Mulder. "We should start pulling in the Stones for questioning." Suki spoke, her eyes still downcast. "No. Even though I know it is wrong, I would rather my child live without honor than die because of it." "Do you know anything about these killings?" Mulder tactically avoided the word *murder*. "Stanley took his sword that night. When he went to his mother's." she said softly. "And he did not come home last night." "To distance himself from you before your death." Mulder mused aloud, glancing at Scully. "It's possible. Or they know the game is up. They've probably already disposed of the weapons and other evidence. She stood, pulling out her phone. "We need to get people out looking for him and the others and get you to a protected place." Suki nodded. "Can I get some things?" "I'll take you." Mulder followed her to the bedroom, where a lacy bassinet stood in the corner, waiting for the new arrival. Suki packed quickly and grabbed the small suitcase that was already waiting by the door. "For the hospital." she said and he smiled encouragement. Scully appeared in the door. "Bullock doesn't believe me, but he's agreed to put out an APB on the Stone brothers. I wanted to ask you, Mrs.Stone - do you think Allen was involved with this?" She shook her head. "Allen does not condone violence. We dated in high school so I got to know him fairly well." "But you married his younger brother." Mulder said. "It was my grandfather's wish." she shrugged again. The load she was carrying seemed too heavy for her small frame. Mulder took the cases from her as they walked to the car. "We're going to take you back to out hotel." Scully said. "I will stay with you there while Mulder helps track them down and questions them. The room isn't very big..." "But neither are the two of you." Mulder finished with another smile. Scully stared. She hadn't seen him smile this much in months. *What was he so happy about*? Suki showed no emotion when they got to the hotel. Scully was afraid she was going into shock, or, worse, labor. She got her to lie down and sat in a chair, watching TV, waiting for the phone to ring. "Gotcha!" Mulder threw himself at the fleeing suspect, hitting him hard and rolling on the damp grass - he was ruining his suit, he knew it - but the man stopped fighting and he cuffed his efficiently, pulling him to his feet. "Am I under arrest?" Stanley Stone asked sullenly. Mulder gave him a hard look. "Should you be?" he walked him back around the house, his mother's house, and turned him over to the waiting uniform cop. "Make sure he gets Miranda'd." he said shortly before going to the house, where Bullock stood, looking put out. "Ain't no more of 'em here." he informed Mulder high- handedly. "Looks like your theory is off the mark." "Or one of your men warned them." Mulder was getting angry. Bullock had ignored his request for backup until the last minute and, as a result, the other three brothers seemed to have gotten away. "Sgt!" a young man's voice called from inside the house. "I've got something!" Mulder shoved past Bullock as he turned and went in first. The young officer was standing in the living room, pulling on a lose brick in the fireplace wall. Mulder joined him and together they yanked the brick free. Mulder reached a hand into the dark space revealed and smiled angrily as he pulled free a katana, and then a smaller, lighter blade. "The wakizashi." the officer supplied. Mulder gave him a look and saw that he, too, showed signs of Japanese ancestry. "The matching 'short sword'." his name was Silos. "Used for the belly cuts." Mulder said and Silos nodded. Mulder turned to Bullock, shoving the sleek black lacquered scabbards at him. "I'll bet these match the metal fragments found in the victims' bodies." Bullock took them, his face red. "Doesn't prove nothin." he said, and Mulder cut him off. "Do you want to be cited for obstruction, Sgt.Bullock?!" he said, his voice loud in the quiet room. He leaned in close. Bullock was heavier by fifty pounds, but they were eye-to-eye. "I'm about this close to doing it!" Mulder got in his face. Bullock took a hasty step back, the swords in front of him. "You got no call to treat me like this in front of my men." he protested. Silos was watching, but didn't move to interfere. "I think your men know what kind of incompetence you exemplify." Mulder snarled. "Those men are out there and now we have to protect the entire Matika family. If anyone else gets it, it's on your head!" With that last burst of fury he left the house, past the other cops, stopping by his car and calling Scully. "Mulder." she said, sounding relieved. "Did you get them?" "Bullock blew it." he snarled. "We only got Stanley, the others are still out there and they know we're onto them. We're going to have to gather the family up and find a safe place for all of them." Scully looked at Suki, who had dozed off a few minutes before. "I hate to make her move again." she said. "I'm going to go by the main house and talk to the wives." he said. "They might have an idea. At least they can get everyone together. Meet me there." "Okay, as soon as I can." He hung up and she sat for a minute, thinking. He always gave her as much as she could handle, just dropped it in her lap and expected her to take care of it. Like a good partner should. They both knew each other's limits and allowed the other to live up to them. With a sigh she changed into more comfortable clothes -- if they were going to have to wait out a group of killers, she wasn't going to do it in heels -- and woke Suki. It was getting dark outside. Mulder got to the Matika farm and found that most of the family was already there. He explained the situation. The sons didn't take him seriously. "Takuri isn't a *daimyo*." Matsu protested. "Living by that code is ridiculous in this day and age." "But Grandfather was very strict about the old samurai honor code.*Bushido*." his twin said softly. He looked at his grandmother. "What do you know of this, Abu-san?" The elderly lady, dressed in a heavy white dress for mourning, shook her head. "She is not allowed to speak ill of the dead, agent Mulder." Hikaru spoke up. He was cradling his youngest child, a tiny boy named Alito, in his arms as he slept. "But I will do so. I am not afraid. Grandfather was wrong to do what he did. My father showed me the records, and it hurt me to see what we'd done without to fulfill *his* sense of honor." Mulder nodded. "It shouldn't take too long to gather them up. If Stanley gives us anything we'll be able to pick Takuri up tonight." "He will not speak against his father." Nobuki said softly. "Do we have to stay here?" he addressed it to Mulder. "It's for your own safety. There are some officers coming over to watch you, and my partner will stay as well." "I do not wish to stay." Nobuki said firmly, standing. He was the tallest in the family, but still shorter than Mulder. Mulder looked down at him with worry in his eyes. "You aren't going to do anything stupid, are you?" he asked. "I can have you taken into custody if you refuse protection." That wasn't entirely true, but he figured correctly that Nobuki wouldn't know that. "I'll stay out of trouble." the young man promised solemnly. "There's just something I need to do. It has nothing to do with this -!" he said earnestly. "You're not a prisoner." Mulder said. "It would be safer for you to stay, but I won't make you." "Thank you." Nobuki went and kissed his grandmother, and then went out the door, leaving in his old miniature pickup truck. Mulder turned back to the others. "Can you gather up the papers supporting this theory so I can get them copied?" he asked Hikaru. "And I'll need any personal papers your grandfather or father might have kept that would mention or explain his relationship with Nishumi Takuri." Hikaru nodded and handed the sleeping child to his wife, Pando. He went up the stairs, taking the twins with him. Scully helped Suki into the car carefully. The younger woman smiled a little, embarrassed. "It's so hard to move now." she said wistfully. "But I know it will be worth it in the end. "Do you have any children, Agent Scully?" "No." she said as she drove, watching carefully for a tail. "My job doesn't exactly lend itself to family life." "But you want them don't you?" Suki smiled and patted her arm in a friendly fashion. "I can tell, especially when you look at your partner." "Mulder really doesn't want children." Scully answered, not meaning to be sharp, but knowing that she was. In truth, she didn't know if Mulder wanted children. They'd never talked about it, for obvious reasons. "A sore point." Suki nodded. "I understand it can be hard. But you have to make your life where you are, Agent Scully. I do not love my husband. I did not want to marry him or make babies with him. Both the babies are all I will have from this life and so I did." Sully glanced at her. "I just couldn't do that." she said at last. "Sacrifice my life for something someone else wants. My father would never have asked me to do something like that." "It is a different world." Suki agreed. She said no more and Scully concentrated on driving. Mulder came to help Suki out when they got to the house, and then her family took her and got her settled in an upstairs bedroom. Mulder saw that Scully was tired, but she wasn't sneezing anymore. "I'm going to go question Stanley. He's had some time to think about it." he said. Scully nodded. "Your backup is due here in fifteen minutes, so you'll be able to rest a while." She watched him go with an unidentifiable feeling in her heart. *What was she feeling*? end of section From XFarchive@aol.com Wed Sep 18 17:21:26 1996 Return-Path: owner-x-files-fanfic@chaos.taylored.com Received: from chaos.taylored.com (chaos.taylored.com [206.53.224.58]) by sh1.ro.com (8.7.4/8.6.9) with SMTP id UAA20430 for ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 20:17:00 -0500 Received: (qmail-queue invoked by alias); 18 Sep 1996 22:22:23 -0000 Delivered-To: x-files-fanfic-outgoing@chaos.taylored.com Received: (qmail-queue invoked by alias); 18 Sep 1996 22:22:23 -0000 Delivered-To: xff-outgoing@chaos.taylored.com Received: (qmail-queue invoked by uid 1003); 18 Sep 1996 22:22:15 -0000 Received: (qmail-queue invoked from smtpd); 18 Sep 1996 22:21:58 -0000 Received: from emout01.mx.aol.com (HELO emout01.mail.aol.com) (198.81.11.92) by chaos.taylored.com with SMTP; 18 Sep 1996 22:21:57 -0000 Received: by emout01.mail.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) id SAA19656 for x-files-fanfic@chaos.taylored.com; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 18:21:26 -0400 Date: Wed, 18 Sep 1996 18:21:26 -0400 From: XFarchive@aol.com Message-ID: <960918182126_525351625@emout01.mail.aol.com> To: x-files-fanfic@chaos.taylored.com Subject: Walls 5: Dungeon 5/5 Sender: owner-x-files-fanfic@chaos.taylored.com Precedence: bulk X-UIDL: 7cb6c39c461ce3dacf074b1ded3ca651 I did not write this. Unfortunately for me :-) *Please* send comments, and send them to Saraid: matsu@wf.net But if you do send them to me because it's easier to hit return, I'll understand and forward them all to her ........M (V) S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Part#4 ------- Sour Air The air in the interrogation room was still and closed, filled with the tang of old sweat and dried fear. Mulder leaned in close to Stanley, right up in his face, close to enough to kiss him, and Stanley couldn't back up anymore because he was already against the wall, his head banged into it as she moved spastically, trying to avoid the FBI agent's angry voice and cutting eyes. "Whose idea was it, Stanley? We have to swords, it's just a matter of time before we know which one of you did the killing. But I bet it was *you*." he snarled. "You're the one he got a wife for, just the one you wanted. It didn't matter if she didn't want *you*, did it! What kind of man marries a woman who doesn't want him, Stanley?" Mulder straightened suddenly, leaving Stanley gasping. "Not a man at all." he hissed, turning his back on him, but still speaking. "I think you did it, Stanley. And if you don't give me the others I'm going to see you fry for it." In the next room, watching through the one-way glass Silos whistled admiringly as his partner nodded agreement. "He's good." "We could learn from this guy." "And he has the prettiest partner..." Silos grinned as his own partner, Wagner, a ten-year veteran of the force, stuck her tongue out at him. "In your dreams, little boy." she smiled. "But *he's* pretty cute." Silos "Humphed." and they watched as Mulder let Stanley sweat for a minute. *He's going to break any minute*. Mulder could feel it, the fear in this man. He stank of it. He was what Mulder had called him earlier -- a little nothing man. "I...I..." Stanley stuttered and Mulder didn't respond, but waited. The watching officers admired his form. "He's a rock." Silos said. "You can't move him." "You should be so tough." Stanley rubbed his face with his cuffed hands and tried to speak again. "It...it was my dad's idea." he said at last. Now Mulder slowly pivoted on one foot to face him. "And...?" "And Jay did the actual killing. Jay and Roger. I just drove the car." "You know..." Mulder leaned close again, but not as close as before. Stanley still flinched back. "They're going to say you did it. Why should I believe you?" "Because I love Suki." his eyes were filling with tears and his nose began to run. Mulder grimaced with distaste and handed him the tissues. "Then prove it. Tell me where they are before they try to hurt her and your baby." "I don't know!" Stanley wailed. "They left when I wouldn't go with them!" Mulder gestured to the window, where Silos and Wagner were waiting for just such a signal and came in with a notebook and pencil and recording equipment. "Take his statement." Mulder told them. "Make sure you get everything. I'm going to get a warrant to search Takuri's place now that Stanley here has implicated him." "Sure thing, Agent Mulder." the way Wagner, a tall, thin brunette spoke made Mulder give her a sharp look. Then he grinned slightly as she winked at him. Silos shook his head. "Then I'm going to save my partner's butt." Mulder said very slowly, letting the significance sink in. Wagner sighed and Silos stared and Mulder grinned for real now. "We'll get everything." Silos promised him as he left, on the phone, ready to bitch at Bullock again. Scully was getting worried. Mulder had called and told her that Stanley confessed, but she hadn't given the news to Suki yet, for a very good reason -- she was afraid the young woman was going into labor. She watched as the young asian woman clenched her teeth and held her breath for what seemed an inordinantly long time and then relaxed again. They were the only ones still downstairs so there was nobody else to notice. She crossed to sit beside her. "Are you okay?" she asked softly. The dark eyes were filled with tears as Suki looked at her. "It is not so bad yet." she said, confirming Scully's suspicion. "I've a long time to go." "Do you need to lie down?" Scully racked her brain, trying to remember that three-month OBGYN rotation she'd done a lifetime ago, it seemed. "Walk." Suki said. "I should walk. But I am too tired." "Then you just try to stay comfortable." Scully said, reaching for her phone to call Mulder. "Hi, Scully." he said as soon as he answered, and he sounded way too cheerful. "What's up?" "Suki's going into labor." she said shortly. "What have you found?" "Not the other brothers, but a shitload of stuff on Takuri. We've got him on blackmail and racketeering. Not to mention records fraud -- he's been cheating on the registration records of his thoroughbreds." "That's weird." she said. "Do you think we should send her to the hospital?" "She won't want to go by herself. How much time does she have?" "Probably several hours." Scully guessed. "Don't you know this stuff, Scully? You're a girl." If she didn't know better she'd think he was teasing her. "*I've* never had a baby, Mulder. How would I know?" And I probably never will. It hurt even to think it. "I'd stay put unless things get urgent. It's easier to protect them there than it would be on the road or in the hospital. These guys may just run now that dear old dad's been snagged, but I wouldn't count on it." "Okay." she agreed, hanging up and returning to Suki's side. "We're going to stay here a bit longer, see if we can find the others before we move you. Do you want me to get your mother down here?" That was one thing she definitely remembered from that rotation -- eventually they all wanted their mothers. Suki nodded. "Please. I'm a little nervous." "I'm sure that's normal." Scully went up the stairs to find Pando. She was halfway up when the lights went out. "Damn!" she shouted, yanking her gun from it's holster and turning to rush back down. The doors were locked and she hadn't heard any glass breaking. They weren't inside yet. There were shouts from upstairs and the family came pouring down, frightened. Scully took charge. "Get me any flashlights, any candles you have." she instructed Hikaru and Junior. "Pando, go sit with Suki -- she's in labor." Her face set, the older woman did as she was told while the men began to search the kitchen, getting whispered directions from their mother. Kim and the twins gathered up the smaller children, coaxing them into the closet in the hallway, Kim joining them, Alito crying quietly in her lap, his mother Denara crowding in with them. Scully grimaced. That probably wasn't the safest place for them, but, with any luck, the cavalry would be here before they found that out. She hit speed dial and called Mulder. "They're here. They got the power." "You got any light?" Hikaru came up with two flashlights - he gave one to Kim and the other to Pando while Junior lit a large fat candle in the center on the kitchen table. "Yeah, some." she said. "We'll be there in ten minutes." he said. *Be careful, Scully*. He didn't have to say it out loud, he knew she heard it. *You too*. It was always there, the possibility that one of them would get hurt,or worse. That's why it seemed so stupid to her, to deny how they felt about each other and let time slip by. Mulder started yelling as soon as the phone cut off. He'd told Scully ten minutes, but he planned on being there in five. Suki let out a long, low groan, curling around her swollen abdomen. Scully went to her side. her mother was holding her hand tightly. "It's coming faster." she told Scully. "I don't think we have much time." Their eyes met in understanding. "I'm a doctor." Scully said quietly. "If I have to I'll deliver the baby myself." Pando didn't ask if she'd ever delivered one before, and Scully was relieved. She'd watched, but she'd never done it. *Mulder, get your ass over here...* she breathed prayer. And then the glass on the living room window shattered with the force of a bullet, the noise drowning out the actual gunfire. "Everybody down!" Scully shouted. "Get out of this room!" Hikaru ran past her to wedge a chair under the closet door, and jerked suddenly when another shot rang out. He fell, and rolled, then crawled behind the couch, where Scully shined Pando's light on him. He was clutching his arm, but seemed alert. "Stay put!" she hissed at him. *Mulder, where are you*?! Behind her, on the lower stairs, she heard Suki's moan and her mother's worried voice whispering. "Agent Scully! Agent Scully! I think her water broke!" Scully groaned softly to herself. What baby wanted to be born during a firefight? "I'm coming." she said, backing slowly up the stairs. No more shots were fired. The flash of a gunshot alerted Mulder as he pulled into the driveway. Going over the curb, he simply ran into the car the shooter was sheltering behind, taking him out. Then he leapt from his car, the police vehicles behind him spreading out to surround the house, trapping the assailants between them and the house. He wasn't sure that was the best idea, but Bullock *would* do things his way, the prick. There was a bullhorn shout and a man broke from cover, running, and was dropped in his tracks by a nice shot from Silos. The other two threw out their guns and came out, hands up. Mulder was on his feet, running for the house. Passing Wagner, he yelled "Call for an ambulance." and missed her reply as he hit the door. "I already did!" Scully heard the feet on the porch, turned and set herself, light and gun trained on the front door, and heaved a huge sigh of relief when Mulder's voice reached her through the broken window. "Scully! Any injuries?" he yelled, coming through the door like a linebacker. She had to smile, it was so unlike him...or was it? "One gunshot, behind the sofa!" she yelled, going up the stairs two at a time. "And baby on the way!" She reached Suki, knowing that Mulder would care for Hikaru while the others let Kim and Denara and the crying children out of the closet. Kneeling beside the panting woman, Scully spoke softly. "How close are the contractions?" "What...what contractions..." Suki panted. "It's just...one big one..." "I need to take a look." Scully said, handing the flashlight to Pando. "Lay back...somebody get up here and give us a hand!" she shouted down the stairs. Denara came up quickly and Scully instructed her to sit behind Suki. Pando focused the light and Scully immediately saw what she needed to see. "Mulder! Where's the ambulance?" "Coming!" he said, coming up a couple of steps, obviously not comfortable with getting any closer. Suki moaned loudly, a long moan that rose at the end into a scream. "Get me blankets, Mulder, and towels soaked in hot water." Scully ordered. "And a sharp knife!" she added as he rushed down to do her bidding. The twins scrambled into the kitchen after him, grabbing things and shoving them at him. Suki moaned again and Pando tried to put the light down and move to her head, but Scully stopped her. "Wait! I need the light! Mulder!" she yelled, and then he was coming up the stairs, the twins behind him. But the landing was too small for all of them, so they passed things over to Pando, and Scully met Mulder's eyes. He was worried, but excited, she could see it. She took the light from Pando and handed it to him. "Hold this." she said, and Pando went to hold Suki's hand while Denara rubbed her back. Suddenly Suki screamed. There was an echoing scream from the children downstairs. "Get them out of here." Scully told the twins, still on the steps. "Suki...Suki! Listen to me...you're crowning." she could see the shock of dark hair and was tremendously relieved, knowing it wasn't a breech. "You need to pant for a minute, let me cut an episiotomy so you don't tear..." Suki nodded, panting frantically. Mulder stared as Scully wiped her hands on the hot towels and ran a finger along the baby's head, breaking the suction. "Knife." she said. With a grimace he offered the small chopping knife he'd found in the butcher block. She took it without looking at him. "Hold the light higher." she said, feeling carefully. She'd seen this done a dozen times, it couldn't be too hard...just a little snip.... She pulled her hand away, saw the fresh red blood and almost panicked as the cut spread...and spread...but it stopped, and the baby's head surged forward as she reached to support it. "Okay, Suki! Push! Push!" she said, not loudly. Everything seemed to be suddenly quiet. She spared a glance at Mulder, and he looked almost...reverent. For a man with no religion this was an awakening. "Just a little more..." Scully urged as Suki gasped for breath and her mother quietly urged her on. "Almost out..." And then the head did it's rotate and the shoulders slid out and she was holding a baby. "It's a girl!" Mulder said, excitedly. "You had a girl!" he told Suki loudly. Scully didn't cut the cord, just wiped the baby's face and blew in it until the red infant opened her mouth and howled at the world. Then Scully smiled, wrapping her in several dry towels and laying her on her mother's stomach. "A beautiful girl." she said softly. Mulder trained the light on mother and child and Scully felt suddenly superfluous. Then Mulder was beside her, his arm around her shoulders, holding her tight to him and she leaned into his warmth. And sneezed. The medics arrived in time to finish the job with the placenta and they were soon outside as power was restored and everything was put to rights. Suki was being carried off on the gurney when she reached for Scully's hand. "I don't even know your first name." she said, looking exhausted and radiant. "Dana." Scully said with a smile, touching the baby's cheek gently. "I have already chosen her first name, but I will use yours for her second." Suki smiled. You have done so much for us..." "What's her first name?" Mulder asked. "Akiko." Suki smiled. "It was the name of a great ancestress." "Akiko Dana." Mulder smiled. "Oh, I like it." "Domo arregato, Dana-san." Suki smiled as they took her away. Part#5 ------ Steadfast They got back to the hotel sometime before dawn. Paperwork had to be finished, even when one of them was covered with ick and sneezing her head off. Mulder had offered to run out for more Nyquil, but she'd been afraid it would knock her out and the paperwork would never get done. There was no discussion about changing rooms. They were too tired to consider it anyhow. "First shower." he said, flopping on the bed and waving her in. She gave him a grateful smile and considered asking him to join her -- but that would be to much after last night. When she came out -- clean, damp, wearing his boxers and shirt again because they made her feel warm -- he was munching yet another pizza and watching a basketball game from -- Japan? "Satellite." he said, seeing her glance at the TV. He handed her a piece and a soda and she was struck again by a deep sense of deja'vu. "Mulder." she said, watching him. "What are we doing?" "Shhh." he scolded, watching the game. "In a minute. Eat and take your medicine." Disgruntled, she did, finishing two pieces and the whole soda before pinching her nose and tossing down the Nyquil. "I think that's the test." he said, and she looked up to see him watching her. "If you're not really sick you won't take the stuff." he smiled slightly. "It tastes that bad." She nodded. "I think you're right. "Every time a kid wants to stay home from school we should offer them a choice - Nyquil or school." "I would've taken school every time." he agreed. "I think most kids would." she lay back and looked at him, and then, slowly, trailed her hand across the bed, palm up, reaching for him. He watched, his eyes unreadable, body language inconclusive. "Are we going to talk?" his voice was quieter now, she had to strain to hear it. "I'd like to." she said. "Then I'll stay over here." "Okay." she made no effort to hide the hurt in her voice, and he winced. "All I seem to do anymore is hurt you." he said, almost angrily, but she didn't know it was at himself or her. "I'm a big girl, Mulder. I choose." she said softly, rolling onto her side and propping her head on an arm, to look at him. "What do you want from me, Scully?" he said it so softly, with such pain she had trouble holding to her resolve. *We are going to talk about this*. "I'm not sure, really. Right now..." she reached a hand out and laid it gently on his leg, unaware how her touch burned him. "I want to know what you want." "You know that." he shifted slightly, trying to put distance between them without moving, a doomed effort. "I want the truth. I want to know what happened to Samantha. I want to understand my life." "And there's nothing else? No dreams of family or home? No hopes for the future?" "What have I got to hope for?" he shrugged, his shoulders lifting dispiritedly. "I learned a long time ago that I'm not the kind of guy a woman wants to spend her life with. I'm too...obsessed. Driven. I can't do anything about it." "It's who you are." she echoed his unspoken defense. "*I* understand that, Mulder. I just don't understand why that means you can't have a life if someone wants to share it with you." "Because..." he lowered his head to his hands, rubbing his eyes like a child. "I don't have anything to give back." "Bull." she slapped his leg sharply. "Don't pull that on me, Mulder. You know damn well you have a lot to offer. I wouldn't be your partner if you didn't." "But it's not the same, being partners." he protested, reaching to rub the sting on his leg and finding her hand. She took his gently in hers, holding it tightly. "No, it's better. Or worse, depending on how you look at it." she said. "Husbands and wives don't usually face death together, almost never on a regular basis. They don't develop the level of trust we already have because they don't need it. We're ahead of the game, Mulder. We already know each other's dirty little secrets." He wouldn't look at her. "Mulder." she said. After a long pause he did look at her and her breath caught in her throat. This was hurting him, so much. *But pain can be good for the soul*, she thought and forged ahead ruthlessly. Sometimes you have to disturb old wounds to get them to heal. "I don't want to spend my life with anyone else. I can't live with less than I have with you and I'll never find someone who gives me more. More trust, more freedom, more confidence. No other man will ever treat me the way you do." "You mean no other will ever ignore you for days on end, constantly put you in danger and then make you cry?" his whisper was ragged, tearing at her. She gripped his hand so tight the fingers began to go numb, but he didn't notice. "Let me tell you what *I* want, Mulder. I want you. All of you. In my life, my work, and my bed. I want to have your children, bind your wounds and cover your ass. But I can't have that unless you want it too." He covered his eyes with his hand, unable to look at her. "No, Scully. You need someone better...someone sane..." he was on the verge of tears. "You should never have admitted you love me, Mulder." she said, getting off the bed and coming to lean against his back, his hand still in hers, wrapping her arms around his chest as his shoulders shook. "Once I knew that I couldn't leave you. Not ever." "But you will...!" it was a cry of anguish torn from his soul. "Everyone leaves..." he whimpered like a child and Scully knew that she wasn't dealing with her partner now, but the twelve-year-old boy who had lost his sister, his father and his mother's love in one heart-breaking minute and never recovered from any of them. He held this child inside to drive him on, but this was the first time she'd been sure she was hearing that young Fox speak. "Yes." she said softly. "Everyone leaves eventually. But the memories we make of them allow us to go on without them." she whispered in his ear, feeling his arms come up to wrap around her. Moving in front of him she allowed him to pull her into his lap and cry silently into her hair. "Shhh." she whispered. "Shhhh, love. It will be all right. I'll be here to pick up the pieces when you're done." He cried, emptying his heart until all that remained was a hollow echo of the pain, and then he finally raised his head to look into her eyes, also bright with tears. "I can't, Scully." he said, his voice raw from the tears. "I can't let you throw your life away on me." "It's my life." she smiled at him, lighting up the very room. "I choose." He would have protested again, but she silenced him with a kiss. Empty, aching, he couldn't refuse. He met her with his mouth and his hands in her hair, holding her to him as he accepted the comfort she offered. They kissed for a long time, deep, searching kisses, breathing each other's air and sharing the same space. And then he did pull away, lift her from his lap, putting her away from him, but he kept her hands in his. "And what about work, Scully? I can't do what I do without you, not anymore. What about the life you want?" She shrugged. "I don't usually think like this, but we'll cross those bridges when they come." she said softly, and he shook his head. "I told you once before that what we have now is worth more than anything we could have then." "Are you sure?" she stared at him. "Could you look at that child tonight and tell me that you wouldn't give all of this up for that?" "Would you?" he met her stare and she had to drop her eyes. "I don't think I have to." "You might." he said, his exhausted mind swirling with images of Scully carrying his child -- children he had never dreamed of having. *She would look so defenseless*. "Do you love me?" she demanded. "More than life itself." he knew it was a cliche', but it was utterly true. "As a partner, a friend, and a woman?" Ducking his head, not meeting her eyes, he answered almost too soft for her to hear. "Yes." "And I love you." she said, coming closer to him, putting their clenched hands on his chest. "The rest is just details." "Some fucking details." he sighed. "We don't have to work it out tonight." she said, rubbing her cheek on his chest, smelling him. "As long as we're clear on that I can wait for the rest." "Really?" he sounded so startled she had to smile up at him, reaching to stroke his jaw, the stubble prickly on her soft palm. "Not too long." He couldn't find anything to say as she pulled his head down to hers. They fell back on the bed, Scully on top, and she kissed him with eagerness and anticipation, but he held back and soon she stopped as well. "Not yet." he whispered, his eyes pleading with her not to be hurt, not to be mad. "I can't. Not yet." *I'm too scared*. She saw the fear and heard the unvoiced sentiment and rolled off him, giving him a gentle shove. "Go take your shower." she said. "We have time for other things." Reprieved, he made a quick escape, but she followed him into the bathroom and perched on the edge of the sink after he started the water. "Sully!" he exclaimed, soaping his hair. "Want me to scrub your back?" she acted deliberately nonchalant, as if she did this everyday, like she hoped to someday. "Scully...!" there was a warning note in his voice now and she was glad to see him recovering his equilibrium. "I'm just looking." she said softly. "You're very nice to look at, Mulder." "Shit." he cursed plaintively. "You're killing me." "Nobody ever died from embarrassment." she teased. "I'm going to sleep now, but you can wake me if you want to." She left the bathroom, and he had to lean on the wall to catch his breath, shampoo running down his face and into his eyes unheeded. She *was* asleep by the time he got out. He climbed into the bed and took her in his arms, wrapping himself around her, resting his head on her breast, feeling her chest rise and fall softly. But he didn't wake her. He even managed to sleep eventually. End.