From: Amy Schatz Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: NEW: Strong 1/1 Date: Tue, 05 Mar 96 00:50:25 PDT I'm going to use MaryKate's handy little formula here... :) TIME SPAN - THIRD SEASON -> ALMOST DIRECTLY AFTER "PUSHER" SUMMARY - Mulder and Scully are on their way home after the Pusher case, and they have a little talk. INSPIRATION - Obviously, the episode, "Pusher." DISCLAIMER - Fox Mulder and Dana Scully are owned by Chris Carter and Ten Thirteen Productions. If they *were* owned by me I could have my own house and a swimming pool. THANKS - Thank you to Molly and Melissa, who weren't afraid, even though I know both their addresses, to tell me that the first version of this story wasn't as good as it could be. Their comments and suggestions really helped me a lot. Thanks, guys. :) COMMENTS - Please write me and let me know what you think of this. I beg of you. :) I love mail. My address is risamy@epix.net. And that's it! We've come out of the intro and disclaimer in one piece! Whew! On to the story... ____________________________________________ Strong by Amy Schatz risamy@epix.net <...Oh god he's going to shoot himself and then I'll be all alone and what will I do no he pulled the trigger and now he's looking at Pusher and I can't let him point that at himself again and now he's pointing it at me how can he do that I can't believe he's doing this no he's stronger than this he can fight it he won't do this but he looks like he's going to I have to run I have to stop this...> Scully's eyes snapped open, and she breathed in sharply, trying to calm herself down. Her heart was racing and she couldn't seem to make her mind slow down. The images of the nightmare were still vivid, mostly because they had actually happened. For a minute, she didn't know where she was, but then she realized that she was in their car, and that they were driving home. When she was sure that she could speak, she looked across at Mulder, and immediately noticed his stiff posture and the grim line of his mouth. "Where are we?" she asked softly. "Almost there," he said, his voice flat. "About fifteen minutes yet." Scully sighed. He was doing it again - taking all the blame himself. She didn't think she would ever forget the sight of him pointing that gun at her, his whole face void of expression or emotion. But she could see everything in his eyes, and the way the gun trembled in his hand. She saw his whole soul in his eyes. He had told her to run, to leave, and although she could have, she didn't. She could never have left him there to play another round of Russian Roulette with Pusher. Instead she had stood before him, putting all her faith in the trust she had in him. She told herself and him, that he would not, could not shoot her. Scully had seen the silent war raging inside him, and she didn't know how he resisted Pusher's commands. She just knew that when the order had been to point the gun at himself, he hadn't put up much of a fight, but when Pusher told Mulder to shoot her, Mulder fought with all his might to stop. But she had seen his will weakening, as he said, "Scully, run!" And she had begun to back away, knowing that even Mulder couldn't resist Pusher forever. And the moment before she had turned and run to the fire alarm, Mulder had whispered her name, and she had seen the tears in his eyes. And in that moment, she realized again that Mulder would die for her. And in that moment, even though he was pointing a gun at her, she trusted him more than she ever had. "Mulder?" He didn't look at her. "Yeah?" She took a deep breath as she tried to organize her thoughts. "I want to say something." But Mulder cut her off. "Not right now." Her eyes widened. "Excuse me?" He was silent again. She decided to just go ahead and say what she needed to say, and he could listen or he could ignore her. If he wanted to wallow in self-pity, he could, but she had to let him know how she felt. "Mulder, I'm going to say this whether you listen or not. I should never have let you go in that hospital alone. I should have gone in with you. But you had that determined look in your eyes, and I knew that I would never win such an argument. So, I let you go, and...because of me...you almost killed yourself. I'm so sorry." She was met with stony silence. Now Scully's anger began to flare, and she began to wonder if he cared at all about what had happened. Was he angry with her? Had he lost trust in her? She wasn't sure she wanted to know, but she did know that she couldn't stand his icy distance. Deep inside, she knew that he was acting like this because he was so scared at what he had almost done. She had to get through to him, and make him see that she trusted him more than ever. "Mulder," she said, tears in her blue eyes, "*please* talk to me. I can't take it when you put this wall between us. Say something - anything. Just don't ignore me. Please..." she begged, reaching over to touch his shoulder gently. Mulder's heart was breaking for her, and her touch was awakening feelings he thought he had locked away. But the reality of what he had almost done scared him to death. He had almost shot Scully - the only person who meant anything to him. The only other person he loved - besides Samantha. But he also knew that staying silent would hurt her even more, and that was the last thing he wanted to do. He glanced at her briefly, and forced his voice to work. "Scully, I... I can't believe that I almost..." he trailed off, unable to finish the sentence. He began to slow the car down, and soon he pulled onto the shoulder of the quiet road. Turning the car off, he faced her. Scully saw that his eyes were filled with tears. "Scully, it was like I was watching a bad movie. I could see you, and I could even see *me*, but all I could hear was Pusher's voice. And I wanted to shoot him so much, but he used that anger against me. He made me turn it onto myself..." Mulder looked down, unable to meet her gaze. "...Onto you. Scully, if I had done it, I could never...never...if I had..." She reached down and took his hand, as she had in the hospital room before they left. "But you didn't, Mulder. You didn't." He looked up, and a single tear ran down his cheek. "I tried to fight, like you said, but I wasn't strong enough. I couldn't stop him." Scully looked at him, and smiled faintly. Reaching up, she tenderly wiped the tear away, and her hand lingered, her palm against his cheek. "But you *were* strong enough. All of his other victims couldn't fight him at all. *You* could, Mulder. You saved my life." He looked away. "*I* saved your life?" She touched his cheek and made him look at her again. "Yes you did. Mulder, when you had that gun pointed at me, I was afraid, but I knew you wouldn't pull the trigger. Do you know why?" He shook his head sadly. "Because I trust you with my life, and I know that you take that responsibility seriously. And I knew that you were strong enough to fight Modell. I put my faith in that strength, Mulder. I believed in it. I always will." "That's funny, Scully, because the whole time, I was counting on *your* strength to fight him. I could feel it, and I used it. *You* were my strength. You always have been. And if you *had* come with me at first, we would have both died. Because you waited, you saved me." As he finished, a smile slowly spread across his face. She smiled as well and pulled him close in a fierce embrace. Only *he* could bring forth all of the emotions that she was feeling then. For only him, would she put her life on the line. Only he had her heart. That was the way it would always be. Finally, they pulled apart, each wiping at their eyes, and Mulder restarted the car, smiling a little sheepishly at such a display of emotions. He pulled the car back onto the road, and after a few moments, Scully reached over and took his right hand in her left. Somehow, it felt right when she held his hand. Mulder felt his heart skip a beat at her touch. And they both smiled, knowing that they were only strong together. As they drove, Scully stole a few glances at him from time to time, admiring his handsome profile. She stayed quiet as she thought. Finally, she said, "Mulder?" He looked at her quickly, a small grin in place. "Yeah?" She marveled at how greatly his voice had changed in the span of a few minutes. How before that one word had sent chills up her spine, now caused a warm tingling sensation inside her. She rubbed her thumb across his hand, and she felt his skin twitch. It made her smile and wonder about certain possibilities. "There's no one I trust more than you. I don't want you to ever forget that." Mulder smiled. "I won't. I couldn't." Scully nodded and shifted in the seat so that she was a little closer to him. She realized that they didn't need outside suggestions for some things. Some things were meant to be. THE END