From: risamy@epix.net (Amy Schatz) Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: NEW: The Return of the Prodigal 1/1 Date: 10 Dec 1995 17:11:49 GMT Hello again! This is a fairly short story that I wrote a while back and that took a fairly long time to correct. Anyway, I wrote this because the episode "3" has been bothering me for, what, is it a year already? Anyway, I must admit that I hated this episode because of many reasons, but the foremost was because of the way Mulder behaved. I just couldn't understand it. So, I wrote this. Hey, it only took me a year to be able to face my feelings on this! :) I know that a little while ago someone posted a story called "The Prodigal Son." Sorry about the similarity of title, but I had this title picked out a long time ago, and it just fits too well, IMHO, to change. **Disclaimer: Everybody knows what goes here. These people aren't mine. They belong to CC, 1013, and FOX. Not me! Okay? :) **Thanks: I would like to thank: Melissa, Michelle, Anik, Eowyn, and Karin (I think! But I didn't thank her for Run Away, so thanks!) All of them helped me a lot and gave me great comments. Thank you! **Story Note: This is definitely an M/S romance! So, watch out! It also deals with the events that occurred in the episode "3." **Mail: Send all comments to: risamy@epix.net I do so love mail! aMy On to the story... __________________________________________ The Return of the Prodigal _____________________________________ I may have all knowledge and understand all secrets; I may have all the faith needed to move mountains-but if I have no love, I am nothing Corinthians 13:2 _____________________________________ Scully leaned back in her chair and rubbed her eyes. They were burning from staring at the computer screen all day. She was trying to finish the report for the last case they had investigated, but she needed a break. Pushing herself away from her desk, she stood up and stretched. She wondered where Mulder was. He had been gone for almost an hour. Smiling, she could imagine him in the archives room, totally consumed by an old X-File, not realizing how much time had passed. Somehow, he always managed to get out of doing the reports. Her gaze drifted around the room casually. She looked back down at the computer screen and realized that she would need a stapler. she thought. Sighing, she resigned herself to a long search for the stapler. It could be anywhere. She walked over to his desk and opened the middle drawer. It wasn't there, but that was no surprise. She hadn't expected him to put it in a normal place - that would have been far too easy. No, it was most likely in the coffee maker or in his freezer at home. She glanced at the top of his desk but knew that that would also be too easy. Mulder wasn't a novice at misplacing objects - he was a professional. She sat down in his chair and opened the top side drawer. She moved on to the lower drawer and opened it slowly. A file was revealed to her. She cocked her head sideways. It looked like an X- File. Picking it up, she flipped it open. Skimming over the words, she saw that it dealt with a group of three people who thought they were vampires. It made special mention of a woman named Kristen Kilar. Suddenly, Scully wondered why she had never seen this file before. She checked the date and then she knew. The date on the file was November 3, 1994. She had still been gone. Pushing aside the awful feelings that surfaced when she thought of Duane Barry and her abduction, she had another thought. Mulder must have investigated this on his own; when she was gone. She came to a police detective's report on the case. She had intended to just glance at it, but her gaze screeched to a halt in the middle. "...And it appeared that Agent Mulder had a `close' relationship with the suspect, Kristen Kilar, because he was quite distraught at her death..." The report went on, but it never mentioned the woman's relationship with Mulder again. As Scully tried to process the information in the report, she flipped to the back and was confronted with the picture of a woman. This had to be Kristen. She took a deep, shuddering breath. Why did the picture of this woman stab so at her heart? Why should she care what Mulder had done? He was just her partner, after all. she told herself. Scully looked down at the picture of Kristen again and noticed part of the reason that it bothered her. Kristen had been the type of woman that Scully thought was in Mulder's dreams. She was tall, brunette and beautiful. Everything that Scully thought *she* wasn't. And then another barb lodged itself into her heart. She could guess what the detective had meant by "close." How could Mulder have done that when she was still missing? She could have been dead. Didn't he care? she told herself, She closed her eyes to hold back the tears that suddenly threatened to fall. "Scully?" Her head snapped up and she found Mulder standing in the doorway holding an armful of files. She didn't know what to do. She couldn't hide the file, or could she? Standing up, she casually closed the folder. "Yes, Mulder?" "What are you doing?" he asked, making his way to his desk. Scully smiled nervously. "Looking for a stapler." Mulder grinned lopsidedly. "And you expected to find it in a folder? Scully, I know I'm not very organized, but that's ridiculous." She shrugged and deftly crossed to her own desk, praying that he didn't notice the tears in her eyes or the file in her hand. Mulder set the files down on his desk and turned back to Scully. "Are you okay?" Scully took a deep breath. "Of course." She turned to sit down. "What are you looking at?" She froze. "An old X-File." She hoped he would buy it and let the subject drop. Mulder smiled and came up behind her. "Really? Which one?" She smiled nervously and turned to face him, keeping the file behind her. "It's not important." Mulder came up close to her, and studied her. "Scully, have you been crying?" he asked softly. For some reason, that question and his tone of voice made her want to cry all the more. She shook her head slowly. "No," she answered unconvincingly. "What did you find in that file?" A tear slid down her face. She couldn't stop it. "Nothing. Just forget it." Mulder gaped at her. He couldn't imagine what had her so upset, but he intended to find out. Obviously, it had to do with that file. He reached around her and grabbed the folder before she could stop him. When she saw what he had done, her eyes widened in horror. "Mulder, no! Give that back!" She tried to take it away from him, but he held it out of her reach easily. His eyes clearly displayed his concern. "Why, Scully? What's in here?" Scully's expression was now one of fear. She didn't want to imagine what he would do if he found out what file she had been looking at. She suspected that it was special to him and that he didn't want to share it with her. He probably never wanted her to know about it, and she wished she never had. "Mulder, please." He shook his head. "No, Scully. Whatever's in this file obviously upset you and I want to know why." That said, he moved away from her and flipped the folder open. His eyes darkened. Scully felt like her knees would give out at any moment. And she had that awful feeling in the pit of her stomach that she used to get when her father was angry with her. "Mulder, I..." He didn't look at her. "Where did you get this?" His voice sounded terribly cold to her. She gulped and said, "In your desk." He nodded and closed the folder. Walking to his chair, he slipped on his suit jacket. "Mulder, what happened on that case?" she asked shakily. He looked at her then, and when he did, Scully saw that his eyes were dark and lifeless. She could feel his anger in the air; like it was electricity. "I slept with her." Then he silently left the office, softly closing the door behind him. Tears had already been falling down Scully's cheeks as she watched him leave and now she sank down into her chair, sobbing. She didn't know why this whole thing made her heart ache, but it did. The thought of Mulder being that close to another woman made her sick. But why? And the tears came faster because she knew that that was the truth. She couldn't deny it any longer. But now the truth didn't matter because of one reason. She had crossed the line. To Mulder, trust was everything, and she had probably just shattered his faith in her. If he couldn't trust her to stay out of his personal things, how could he trust her on the big issues? She knew that that would be what he was thinking, and that made her soul cry out in agony. She knew that what she had done wasn't really that awful, but at that moment, it felt like the worst thing she had ever done. If nothing else, she wanted Mulder's trust. She needed him to trust her. And now she may have swept it all away. Even if it was in a small way, she had betrayed him. * * * Scully walked inside her dark apartment and collapsed onto the couch. It was late at night and she felt like she was alone in the world. After Mulder had left, she had sat in their office for hours in a numb state waiting for him to return. He never did. Pulling a blanket over her, she sighed, trying to keep the tears back. She no longer cared about the whole thing with Kristen. Yes, it had hurt her, but it wasn't worth losing him. No, she couldn't understand why he had done it, but she could forgive him. She could probably forgive him anything, but she wasn't sure if *he* could forgive *her*. She turned onto her side. But damn it, how *could* he have done something like that? It would have been bad enough if he had done it when she was around, but to behave that way when she was missing! Putting aside the fact that it was totally unprofessional, it just hurt so much. Scully closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep. In truth, Mulder should not be the one angry in this. She never did fall asleep. * * * When Scully arrived at work the next day she had come to a decision. If Mulder wanted to sulk about this whole thing for a week, he could do that. If he wanted to paint her as a traitor and never trust her again, she would let him. But she would tell him how she felt about him when he returned. If he returned. She sighed and sat down at her desk. She knew he would come back. HE would just have to work this out for himself. He would have to deal with what happened with Kristen and why he had done it. She had and now she had moved on. Almost. It still hurt, but she was trying to move past it. She *had* to move past it if she wanted to forgive Mulder, and she did want to forgive him. She hoped she was strong enough to do so. * * * Two days passed and Mulder still hadn't returned. Scully had been going about her work as usual, but now worry was beginning to gnaw at her. She wanted to call him or go to his apartment, but she wouldn't let herself do either. She wouldn't beg Mulder or ask him to forgive her. He had done the wrong thing and *he* needed to apologize. * * * It was late at night and Scully sat alone in her apartment. All the lights were off and silence ruled. She sat at her kitchen table, her head down, and her back to the door. She wasn't sleeping, just thinking. Although, she wanted to sleep, but she simply couldn't. She just wanted Mulder to come back. He had been gone three days and in the back of her mind she began to wonder if he *would* return. She didn't care if he never forgave her or if he hated her forever, she just wanted him to be safe. She was concentrating so hard and she was so tired that she never heard the key slip into the lock. The door silently eased open and Mulder stepped inside. Her apartment was so dark that he didn't see her at first. Finally, he saw her small form hunched over the kitchen table. And all he could think was that she looked so alone. He looked at her for a long time. At her red hair that seemed to leap out at him from the darkness like a spark. At how tired she seemed, even though he couldn't see her face. Closing the door, he sighed softly and moved over to her couch. Sinking down, he closed his eyes and tried to gather his thoughts together. He felt so awful. He had never intended for Scully to find out about that case in Los Angeles, and least of all Kristen. Kristen. That name still held so much emotion for him. But the emotions he felt when he thought about that name had nothing to do with Kristen and everything to do with Scully. It was after the explosion at Kristen's house, when he sat on that lonely hill with Scully's cross, that he realized he loved Scully. He sighed again and opened his eyes. Scully was still in the same position as before. "I don't know why I did it, Scully. But I *do* know that I regret it, and that I'm sorry." Scully was startled. She hadn't known he was there. Her head shot up and she turned around to look at him. Mulder could hardly withstand the force and power of her blue eyes as she looked at him. He could see all her pain in those eyes. It was like her emotions were on display for him. And as Dana looked at him, she could see the same things in his hazel eyes. "Why are you here?" she asked, her bottom lip trembling. The hurt tone of her voice cut at Mulder like a knife. "I wanted to talk with you. I want to explain." Scully shakily got out of her chair, wiped her eyes, and went to stand before the window. As she looked out into the dark night she said, "You don't have to explain anything to me. You don't owe me an explanation. It's none of my business." Mulder felt a knot tighten in his belly. She was pushing him away; making sure he wouldn't be able to hurt her again. "Scully, it *is* your business. Everything that happened in that case, everything I did, had to do with you." Scully turned swiftly to face him, her eyes ablaze. "With me? How can you say that?" She knew that she thought she had convinced herself that this didn't hurt her anymore. But it did, and it hurt badly. She wanted to forgive and understand Mulder, but now that she was faced with the situation, she found it difficult. Mulder held her gaze. "It's the truth. Scully, you were gone and I thought I'd never find you. I was so lost. I thought you might be dead and that brought my whole world down. Without you, I realized I had nothing." Scully was shocked. She had never known that his feelings went so deep. She always thought that if something ever happened to her, Mulder would go on looking for Samantha as always. He shrugged. "I suppose that on some level I wanted to get close to her so I would feel worse. I knew it was wrong to get involved with her, but that's why I did it. I was so numb, Scully. I couldn't feel anything. I wanted to feel pain. And maybe I hoped that, in the end, *I* would die, too. I didn't want to think about going on without you." Scully found herself wanting to go to him and hold him. She had never really known what her abduction had done to him because he refused to talk about it. "Mulder, I never knew that you felt this way. My mother told me that you went a little crazy in the hospital, but she never said that you wanted to die." "I didn't tell anyone, but it was always there, in the back of my mind. It was like my safety net. I knew that if I finally decided I couldn't go on, death was close by." He looked up at her then, and she was compelled to go to him. She did so and knelt before him. Looking up into his deeply tortured hazel eyes, she waited for him to continue. Mulder reached out and took her hand in his. "There were some nights when I almost did it because I thought that, at least, I'd be with you." Dana felt tears burn her eyes and slide down her face. "Oh, Mulder. I never knew. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you..." He reached out and gently wiped her tears away. "Don't cry. I don't ever want you to cry because of me again. I'm not worth it." Then he pushed her away gently. Scully didn't understand what was happening. "Mulder, what are you doing?" He got up and headed for the door. "I've hurt you enough, Scully. You can't possibly forgive me for what I've done because I can't forgive myself. If you want to transfer out of the X-Files, I'll understand." That said, he turned to open the door. "Fox?" The sound of her saying his name was enough to make him stop dead in his tracks. "I've already forgiven you, Fox. And I don't want a transfer. I never want to leave you." Mulder turned back to her, awestruck. "How can you forgive me?" Scully smiled and walked towards him. She touched his cheek gently. "Because I love you." Mulder couldn't talk. He couldn't think. This was too much for him to believe. But suddenly, he found himself leaning down towards her to cover her mouth with his own. Scully reacted by pulling him close and deepening the passionate kiss. As she did, she was overcome with emotion. She felt as though she could never love him more than she did at that moment. Her arms curled around his neck and her fingers ran through his hair. When they parted, they were both breathless, and the color had returned to their faces. Scully smiled at him, took hold of his hand and led him down the short hall to the bedroom. Closing the door behind them, she walked over to her bed and sat down. He was soon beside her and then she was in his arms again. Mulder slowly pushed her down onto the bed and set about unfastening the buttons of her shirt. As he did, she looked up at him with wonder - wonder that he would choose to be with her; to care for her. And he looked down at her with that same wonder, but he was amazed that a woman as strong and special as Dana Scully could love him. She reached up then, and began to unbutton his shirt. Soon, both their shirts had been pushed away and forgotten as they came together in another kiss. * * * Later, as they both lay under the soft warm comforter, Dana sighed in contentment and snuggled closer to Fox. His arms were wrapped around her protectively as he slept. She looked up at him, love shining in her eyes, and smiled. "I love you, Fox Mulder." His eyes opened slowly and he smiled at her lopsidedly. But then, his smile vanished and transformed into a frown. "Dana, did you read the report about the case?" She nodded, still slightly embarrassed about going through his desk. "I'm sorry about that, Fox. I should have respected your privacy." He shook his head. "That's not what I'm talking about, Dana. You must have read something in there that got you so upset to begin with. What was it?" Dana was confused. She was sure that he had read it all many times. He surely knew what she had read that had hurt her so. But, she would indulge him. "There was a report by a police detective. In it, he said that he thought that you and Kristen were close because-" "Because I was quite distraught at her death," Mulder finished for her, using his photographic memory. "Scully, do you know why I was so upset?" Scully suddenly couldn't look at him. "Yes," she mumbled, "because you cared about her." He shook his head again. "No. I was upset because it was that day that I finally admitted to myself that I loved you. And it was also that day that I lost a little bit more hope of ever finding you. That night I almost leaped into my safety net. Almost." She turned her head up to him, touched his cheek gently, and looked into his fathomless hazel eyes. "I'm glad you didn't. I don't know what I would have done without you. If you hadn't been there at the hospital, I probably wouldn't have woken up. You mean everything to me, Fox. I love you." He nodded, kissed her gently, and pulled her a little bit closer. For a few moments there was silence. Then, Fox sighed and looked down into her eyes. "Dana?" "Yes?" she said, sleepily. "I have always loved you." ________________________________ For this son was dead, but now he is alive; he was lost, but now he has been found. Luke 15:11 ________________________________ THE END