Date sent: Wed, 12 Nov 1997 21:47:38 -0600 Subject: one truth From: mamymac@juno.com (Amy E McMasters) TITLE: My One Truth AUTHOR: Crash CLASS: MSR/Angst RATING: NC-17 for sexual situations SPOILERS: 5th season KEYWORDS: Mulder and Scully Romance DISCLAIMERS: Mulder, Scully, Mrs. Scully, Bill Scully, Melissa Scully, Skinner Scully...oops, I meant Skinner, Cancer Man, Samantha...you get the point. They don't belong to me. They belong to Chris Carter, 10-13 Productions and the wonderful actors who play them. No infringement is intended and the only reward I get from this is clearing out the dustbin of my mind. Oh, and if you're underage, you shouldn't be here. Does your mother know where you are? :) SUMMARY: Post Redux II. An exploration of Mulder's thoughts during that episode as well as some scenes of my own creation (be very afraid). Serious Mulder angst. NOTES: ANTI-SHIPPER WARNING. Get out now. I am a hopeless romantic, this is now place for you. Feeedback is solicited, welcomed and begged for. Please send it to mamymac@juno.com. Flames will be used as backup kitty litter. My One Truth By Crash The hum of the machines and the fizzle of the fluorescent lights made his head hurt, not to mention burn his eyes. He put his face in his hands and tried to concentrate on her breathing, the one thing telling him she was only sleeping. Tears fell as he stared blankly at her lying in that hospital bed. The Cigarette Smoking Bastard said the chip in the vial of water was her cure, but he didn't believe it. He ran his hands through his already tousled hair. He couldn't just sit there and let her die, but what else could he do? Go work for Black Lung? Worth it. Bill Scully had reminded him how "worth it" his search for the truth was. And when he saw Samantha, what he had at first thought would be relief became shear pain. She hadn't really wanted to see him again and she believed Black Lung was her father. He felt a knife twist in his heart. To see her again only to find she had never wanted to be found, he wished someone would shoot him. Fox Mulder fell to his knees next to the bed of his sleeping partner. His mind flashed over the last four years of his life, of their lives. Her voice and face filled his head in flashes of their partnership. He saw her dirt smudged face in Phaster's house, "I'm fine Mulder." His finger curled gently under her chin to force her to look at him, to tell her with his eyes he knew she wasn't. Then she grabbed him, just like the first case they'd worked together. "What are they, Mulder?" "Mosquito bites.." He felt her touch when she was doctoring the gunshot wound she'd given him. "You shot me, Scully." "You didn't leave me much choice." He remembered touching her bare neck when they were at the Icy Cape, "...I want to trust you." Then he remembered the last time they'd seen each other, before she wound up here in the hospital. He'd been sitting in her bedroom for what seemed like hours. He had been in the bed he was starring at, but he'd been very sick. Not at all the way he'd wished to be in her bed. She'd startled him when she came in, but not enough for him to make a noise. His eyes locked on her back as she tugged the shirt from her waistband. As he felt the snake of arousal coil in his gut, his hands tightened around the armchair he was sitting in. He watched her move to her window. "Watcha doin' FBI woman?" She spun on her heel, her fiery blue eyes focused on him, the eyebrow arched. There it was, the patented Dana Scully "What the hell are you doing, Mulder?" look. She'd said words nearly to that effect. His own words took impossibly long to form. He just stared at her dumbly feeling his desire for this woman wash over him like a tidal wave. Despite the fact he'd almost died twice that night. Despite the fact he'd just killed a man. Despite the fact he'd been told everything he'd worked for had been a lie. In this woman, he found his desire and, some how, a hope to keeping moving. She couldn't die. He couldn't allow it. Without her, there would be no reason to live. Some time during his sad reverie, he slipped into sleep. The exhaustion had finally won him over and took him into the dark recesses of unconscious. Mulder dreamed. He was sitting on the shore of a lake and feeling tired. The sunlight was sapping the energy right from him. He let his head fall back and be bathed in it. It felt so soothing. He kicked his shoes off and shifted to be more comfortable. Insects hummed around him in the warmth and a gentle breeze tickled his nose. He heard the water lapping at the shore. He wanted to walk over and wade in and feel the cool energy of it surrounding his tired feet. But the warmth of the sun kept him from moving, his body needing to rest. The sunlight disappeared behind a cloud and it began to rain. His languid body began to come back to life. He stood and lifted his face to the rain, letting it splash his face. He suddenly had the energy to go to the lake. He stepped into the lake and he felt alive. The rain stung his face as the cool water around him reminded him of his strength. He heard a voice, clear and bright over the water. "The truth must come out." He burst from the water and on to the shore. He ran. The stones along the shore tore at his feet but, still he ran. A tree limb caught his soggy shirt and he fell backwards. When he looked up, he no longer saw trees. He saw Melissa Scully. The statement puzzled him. Of course he loved her. He screamed. A serene smile passed over the dead sister's face. Her hand stroked his face and she cast her eyes away from him toward the lake. Her face morphed into Bill Scully's. He recoiled, scampering backwards. Hitting a tree, he managed to stand up. And then he was facing Cancer Man. He swung but didn't connect. The force of his swing sent him falling to the ground. The sound of laughter stinging his ears. Then he heard the voice again. Cancer Man had pulled his gun and aimed it at Mulder's head. Mulder rose and looked at him. He stopped thinking and jumped backward into the water and he swam. He dove under the water, holding his breath for a long time. He didn't surface until he was on the other side of the lake. He turned but no longer saw Cancer Man on the opposite shore. When he faced forward, he saw Scully. She was wearing a black, tailored suit, her arms crossed over her chest. She was looking at him defiantly but smiling. He stared at her crystal blue eyes. He crossed the sand of the shore to her and threw his arms around her, enveloping her with his sodden mass, and he kissed her. He woke with a start and pulled himself up off the floor. Outside, the first traces of dawn were cracking over the horizon. He knew he had a hearing to prepare for so he placed one last kiss on Scully's forehead and walked away. XxX Mulder had no evidence to support that Director Blevins was the mole they were searching for. The one thing Scully had forced him to look for to make his cases wasn't there. But he just knew. His gut told him so. He was more than a little shocked to find out he was correct. He had cleared his name and Skinner's, but for Mulder it was a hollow victory. He returned to the hospital where his partner lay dying. He slumped on the cold grey bench outside Scully's room. He desperately wanted to hold her hand again and kiss her the way he had the day before...or the way he had in his dream. But he couldn't face her family, he couldn't go through a second confrontation with Bill. He was also afraid to find out what Scully's latest PET scan had revealed. He buried his face in his hands, just as Margaret Scully left her daughter's room. "Fox?" He winced. Margaret Scully didn't hate him, but he hated himself enough for her. He feared seeing her. In a strange way, he'd hoped she'd yell at him too. After all, he felt like he deserved it. He'd caused their family so much pain, to be the family punching bag was the least he could do now. As he pulled his hands from his face to look at her, he began to cry. "Oh Fox. You don't know do you?" Fear ripped through his body. He shakily rose to his feet and the color drained completely from his face. "God, Mrs. Scully I'm so..." "No Fox...they just ran some further tests. Dana's gone into remission." He almost collapsed. Margaret Scully had to hug him so he could remain standing. As she held him, he sobbed. But for once, they were tears of joy. He loosened his grip on Mrs. Scully and sank back down to the bench. "I'm so relieved...I couldn't go on..." He trailed off and shook his head. "Fox, I'm sure she'll want to see you." He looked up and smiled. He gave Mrs. Scully's hand a squeeze, "Give me a minute." Mrs. Scully smiled back at him. I'll just tell her you're coming in." A few minutes after she went in, Bill Scully came out. "What the hell are you doing here Mr. Mulder?" Mulder rose and faced her brother. "I'm here to see my partner, Bill." "I suppose you're going to take the credit for her remission you sorry sack of shit." "No Bill, I'm not. I'm just glad you were here for her through all this," he said softly, "I'm not sure anyone can take credit for saving her." He pushed past him and into her room. Scully looked up and smiled at him. "Mom, I need to talk to Mulder alone for a few minutes, OK?" "Sure Dana." XxX He walked over to her bed and sat on the edge of it, taking her hand. His throat was choked with tears and all he could do was look at her. She gave his hand a squeeze and he could see the "I'm fine" forming in her eyes. Through his tears he chuckled, "Don't you dare say it Agent Scully." "Say what, Mulder?" "That your fine. I know you are and right now I feel like my heart's going to burst, but I want to be sure...I..." he trailed off when she leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the lips. Then she circled her tiny hands around his head and pulled it to hers so their foreheads rested on one another. He knew he had to tell her how he felt. He just wasn't sure how to go forward. He started by telling her what happened at the hearing. She was a little shocked but mostly relieved. She smiled and told him she was going to owe Skinner an apology. He laughed. She told him she was only going to remain in the hospital one more night, so they could keep her under observation. She'd have to go in for routine tests for the next few months, but that she had every intention of coming back to work and he wasn't to even attempt to have anything to say about the matter. He dumbly nodded his head. "Of course you'll come back to work, I want you where I can keep an eye on you," he chuckled. She punched him square in the arm. He caught her hand and held it, then crushed her to him. "Scully, I found Samantha but she doesn't want..." sobs racked his body. She pushed him back and looked into his face. His voice creaked out the words "Cancer Man" and "father" and Scully grew impossibly paler. She ran a hand down his face and kissed the tears that were there. "Mulder, we'll find the truth about your sister. For now you just need to hold onto the fact that she's alive and well." "There's something else Scully. I need to say this to you and I don't know how, I don't...I can't...I want you to know that..." Just then the doctor entered the room. Mulder sighed heavily and let go of her hand. She searched his face, "Mulder, what?" "It can wait Scully, I have time now," he said with a smile. XxX = He didn't go home that night. He couldn't, he didn't want to see the bloodstained carpet or the hole in the ceiling. He was in too good of a mood to deal with those things. So he went to Scully's apartment. He'd explain to her later, but he just needed to go back there. He turned the key in the lock and entered cautiously. His paranoia had the better of him, so he drew his gun. Once he was convinced the house was empty, he walked into her bathroom and dropped his gym bag on the floor. He had at least had the forethought to pack a bag when he left his apartment two nights ago. He had no idea how long it would be before he would want to, or be able to, return home. He felt immensely better after his shower and shave. He cleaned up the bathroom, trying to leave it in the state he found it. As he walked out to leave, he stopped at Scully's bedroom door. He sat the gym bag down again and walked inside. There was a picture of Melissa and Dana on the nightstand. He heard Missy's voice in his head again, He sat on Scully's bed. Last night he was so frightened she'd die. Now he was scared that he'd die if she didn't love him back. If Samantha couldn't love him, why would Scully? He glanced at the clock. 8:30. He made up his mind that he really needed to get some sleep. He got up from the bed and reached for his bag. He heard a key turning in the lock of the front door. He pulled his gun from it's holster. He jumped through her bedroom door, his gun drawn, and pointed it right at... "MULDER! What the hell are you doing in my bedroom...AGAIN?" His shoulders slumped and he put his head down. He fell back against the door jamb and slid to the floor. He ran a hand through his still damp hair and holstered his gun. "Just checking on things, Scully. What the hell are you doing out of the hospital?" "I convinced the doctor I'd get more rest and be more comfortable at home. I'm going back in the morning for more tests, but I just needed to be out of there." "What about your Mom and Bill?" "I sent them home, I'm *fine* but I wasn't going to be if I stayed in that hospital one more minute." She eyed the gym bag suspiciously and crossed the room to him in an impossibly short time. She crouched to the floor and moving her face close enough he could feel her breath. Her eyes locked with his. He was dimly aware that her expression was demanding an explanation from him. All of the touches and kisses over the last few days. He had merely meant to show concern, but now he could see he'd shown more, not to mention his cryptic statement before he left the hospital. She wanted answers. So did he. But the questions he had to ask terrified him. His dream had been such a jumble, but as a psychologist he knew what it meant. He knew he was in love with her, he'd finally admitted it to himself. But what if she didn't love him back. He had to know. He had to ask, but his emotions were just too intense. He kicked the gym bag aside and gingerly took off his holster and laid it atop the bag. He began to tremble as he contemplated what he was about to do. He moved even closer to her, his mouth dangerously close to hers. She remained where she was, not backing away but he noticed her shiver. He moved his hand to her face. At first, he meant only to caress her cheek, but his hand slid behind her head and pulled her lips roughly to his. He kissed her fiercely. She went rigid at first, then began to return the kiss. He felt her small, strong hands encircle his waist and shifted her knees so they were tucked into the V of his legs. They kissed for what seemed like days, then he pushed her back, his eyes searching hers. "Scully..." he said breathlessly. She licked her full, bottom lip and pulled him back to her. "Don't stop, Mulder." She kissed him as fiercely as he had her. Her hands wandered from his back to trace the hard length of him through his jeans. "Scully." He said it against her mouth. He pulled away from her again and ran a thumb along her bottom lip. She stopped touching him and moved her hands to his chest staring deeply into his eyes. He moved to stand, pulling her up with him. He burned. His whole body was going up in the fire she had created in his heart. They had locked eyes again, but neither spoke. Their bodies had been talking for them and oh, the conversation they were having. He felt her hips grind into his, yet her face was merely an intense mask focused on his eyes. His hands cupped her face and he placed his forehead on hers the way she'd done in the hospital. She stopped moving. He closed his eyes and sighed. "Dana. God..." He trailed off and began kissing her madly again. He wanted his body to fuse with hers. He ran his hands down her chest, stopping at her breasts. He could feel her hardened nipples through the cotton of her shirt. He brushed his thumbs over them and heard her gasp into his mouth. His hands went lower, to the waistband of her pants. He pulled the zipper down and thrust his hand inside. She arched into him. Through the cotton of her panties, he could feel her heat. He slid his hand up to the button, and dispatched with it as well. He was dimly aware she'd removed her shoes, somehow, during the whole process. He pulled off her pants, taking the undergarment with them, with one hard tug downwards. She took a step away from him. Her eyes flashed. Before he knew what was happening she ripped his shirt open and shoved it off his shoulders. She made a move for his pants, but he stopped her pulling her shirt off over her head. She grabbed his arms and looked straight into him, then moved to the fly of his jeans. Repeating his earlier motion all that now stood between them was the lace of her bra. Mulder bit the front clasp open with his teeth and then tossed the garment towards her living room. It was then that he noticed where they were. They were standing in the hallway, between her bedroom and her living area, surrounded by a mound of clothing. He heard her voice from two nights ago, He was torn between pushing her to the floor right then and there or going to the sanctity of the room he wanted so desperately to be connected with her in. Her bedroom. It made him feel safe when he'd been sick. It also made him feel closer to her. She slept in that room. She dressed in that room and did all sorts of other personal things he could only fantasize about. Now he wanted her in that room, to share the ultimate closeness with her. He wanted all of their walls to come down in that room. There would be no more secrets in that moment. Their breathing was ragged and he roughly pulled her backwards into her bedroom. The eyebrow raised but she said nothing. His eyes took in her naked body and he felt his erection grow impossibly harder. She was so beautiful. He felt a certain calm in looking at her like this. So calm, he was stunned when she pulled him around and pulled him down onto her bed. He landed over her, with his knees on either side of her hips. He leaned forward and kissed her again. He felt her hand reach between them and encircle his shaft. He gasped as she began to slowly, painfully stroke him. He moved his mouth from her lips to her breast. He nipped lightly at it then sucked, then licked. It was her turn to gasp. He reached down between her legs and parted her soft folds with his index finger. He began to stroke her along with the rhythm she set on him. She moaned his name. Desire's fire engulfed them both. She called his name in a throaty rasp and he lost all control. He grabbed her shoulders and slid into her. This time, she cried his name. He began to drive into her, with such urgency he feared she'd shatter. He was so totally out of control. Her mouth moaned his name over and over again, he covered it with his lips. He broke the kiss as he felt her muscles clenching around him. She was close to falling over the edge. Then, in a crystal clear moment, her eyes focused on his. As she crashed into the waves of ecstacy she cried out, "Mulder, I love you." He fell over behind her, the same words spilling from his lips, "IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou." He fell breathlessly over onto her and then rolled on his side. He started to cry. His hands went to her face, to trace the lines of it. He broke into a smile and kissed her gently on the lips. He pulled her tightly against his chest, never wanting to let go. "Mulder, I'm not going anywhere...and I love you, didn't you know? Haven't you known all along?" "Scully...Dana. I thought I lost you. I would have died without you. You are my truth, Scully. My one truth." Tears fell from her eyes and she kissed him gently. She snuggled in closer to him and laid her hand over his heart. He kissed the top of her head and gave her a squeeze. He couldn't let go. She was his lifeline and having her lying there in his arms he never felt more alive. He felt her shaking under him, and he tipped her face up to see what was the matter. He expected to find her crying, but laughter filled her face. "What is it Scully?" he asked, a bemused smile cracking his face. "So THIS is why I keep finding you in my bedroom." They both laughed loud and hard, until they started kissing again. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX