From: risamy@epix.net (Amy Schatz) Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: NEW: Farewell to Arms Date: 22 Dec 1995 06:39:51 GMT Hello, all! I hope that everyone is having a very happy holiday season! I'm happy because I have a break from school for a while. This isn't a Christmas story, although Michelle Hiley and I do have a Christmas trilogy coming up. Anyway, this is just something that kind of popped into my head one night, and evolved from there. **Dislclaimer: The people in this story are not mine and never will be. They are the property of CC, 1013, and FOX. **Credit: There is a small piece of the song "Anything You Want" by Curtis Stigers in here. **Thanks: I must once again thank Anik and Melissa for their help, kind comments, and suggestions with this story. **Story: This is a M/S romance but not too much angst this time. What can I say? I held back this time. It does have one 3rd season spoiler, so watch out for that. aMy All comments can be directed to Amy at: risamy@epix.net Now, we come face to face with...the story! _________________________________________________ Farewell to Arms _________________________________________ The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places. --Ernest Hemingway *A Farewell to Arms* _________________________________________ Friday night Scully's apartment 10:13 pm She had made her decision. Now she had to find the courage to follow it through. She reached over to the phone that sat on the table beside her couch, and picked up the receiver. Before she dialed the number she knew by heart, she ran a hand through her hair, and breathed deeply a few times. Then, she punched in the numbers slowly. As it rang, a terrifying notion occurred to her: what if he wasn't home? She had assumed that he was, but it was quite possible that he wasn't. He could be out on a date. That idea bothered her so badly that she simply refused to think about it. Finally, after about five or so rings, she heard him pick up. "Mulder," came the well known greeting. She swallowed a lump in her throat, and said, "Mulder, it's me. If you're not...busy...would you be able to come over here?" When she finished, she listened intently, trying to discern if he was alone. She hoped that he was. As she waited for his reply, her gaze drifted around her apartment. It was fairly dark, except for one lone candle that flickered from her coffee table. From her position on the couch, she could see all the shadows that played on the walls and ceilings. "Is something wrong?" came his voice, tainted with concern. She smiled at his worry for her. "No. I just...I have to tell you something..." She cursed herself for her nervousness. "Okay, Scully," he said softly. "I'll be there in half an hour." She exhaled. "All right. I'll be waiting." He hung up, and she replaced the receiver on its cradle. As she sipped some tea, waiting for him to arrive, she wondered how she was going to tell him this. It would change everything in their relationship, in their lives. But she had decided that she couldn't go on as she had been. She couldn't play the role any longer - it hurt too much. Scully knew she was doing the right thing. * * * Previous Tuesday X-Files office 12:23 pm Scully looked up from her computer when she heard Mulder enter the office. He was carrying a medium sized brown paper bag that appeared to be wet on the bottom. He was dressed in his usual dark office suit, white dress shirt, blaring tie, and his hair was having it's usual battle with gravity. Some people found his appearance annoying and even disrespectful, but Scully had come to find it familiar, pleasant, and in moments when she was alone and truthful to herself, attractive. He was simply Mulder. He set the bag down on her desk, after she cleared some papers away, and smiled down at her in that special way - a smile he seemed to reserve for her and her alone. "What did you bring, Mulder?" she asked in a light voice, her blue eyes shining. He opened the bag and dug down into it. "Well, for myself I got a steak and cheese hoagie with the works: sweet peppers, onions, double cheese, ketchup, mustard..." She held a hand up to stop the list. "Mulder, please stop before you make me sick." "*And* a large order of fries," he added, a daring look in his lovely hazel eyes. She sighed, and gave him the Look, but he knew that she didn't really mean it. "I shudder to think what your devious mind ordered for *me*." He grinned at her, and removed his food from the bag, setting it on his desk. He turned back to Scully and the bag, and slipped his hand inside again. "Well, Scully, I *was* tempted to get you a cheeseburger with everything. You know, to try and convert you - to make you a *believer*. But, I knew that it was a losing battle. So," he said as he pulled out a white, Styrofoam container, "I got you a garden salad, tuna fish sandwich, and some water instead." He placed the items in front of her and met her gaze. He was awed at the smile he received from her. It was one of her rare, full smiles that he treasured so. "Thanks, Mulder," she said sweetly. He shrugged. "It was nothing. I know what you like." He walked over to his own desk, took a can of root beer from the bag, and began to unwrap his sandwich. He was about to take his first bite, when he realized that Scully was staring at him. "What is it?" he asked. "You do, don't you?" Mulder was confused. "Do what?" "You *do* know me, don't you?" He nodded. "I pay attention when we eat at all those greasy spoon places on the road. And I should hope that I know you after three years together." Scully looked at him for a long time, just looked. Mulder was beginning to feel uncomfortable, when she finally looked away. She never said a word. She was warmed by the fact that Mulder would care enough to remember what kind of food she liked, so that he would know what to order for her. It was just a small act of kindness, but it demonstrated a much deeper feeling. He cared. * * * Friday night Scully's apartment 10:20 pm And now, as Scully sat on the couch, in her apartment, she smiled at the memory. She could still see that warm, affectionate smile he had bestowed upon her, and the way his eyes had changed color as their gazes had been locked. The way the green had slid closer to the pupil, so the soft golden brown could move to encircle it. She had reminded herself then that she had never seen eyes as beautiful as his. They were a miasma of brown, green, and gold that was mesmerizing. She could lose herself in those eyes - and she found herself wanting to do just that. She wondered if Mulder knew the affect that he had on women? Did he ever notice how a waitress smiled at him? How they refilled his coffee cup before he even asked? Did he see the envious way that women looked at Scully when she walked into a restaurant with him? If Mulder did notice it, he pretended not to, but she couldn't believe that he didn't realize it. He was a very handsome man: tall and lanky, a lean body, soft brown hair that, at times, seemed to defy the laws of gravity, a perfectly fashioned face, strong jaw line, full mouth, smooth skin...how could any woman not find him attractive? However, it was Mulder's inner beauty that Scully was most attracted to: the way he opened doors for her, how he pulled her chair out, how she always felt just the ghost of his hand on the small of her back as he walked with her, the way that they could communicate so many things with just a glance, the way he teased her, and most importantly, the way he cared for her. No man had ever cared for her the way that Mulder did. There had been other men she had known in her lifetime: friends, boyfriends, mentors. But none had filled her with security as Mulder did. She even felt safer with Mulder than she had with her father. She knew that Mulder had feelings for her, but what it was, exactly, that he felt for her, she wasn't sure yet. Scully pulled her knees up to her chest and set her chin on them, thinking. * * * Friday night En route to Scully's apartment 10:36 pm Mulder gripped the steering wheel a bit tighter and took in a sharp breath. Scully had sounded so strange on the phone, mysterious and maybe even a little nervous. He tried to push images out of his mind that could explain her odd behavior images that frightened him. Had she been hurt? Had someone broken into her apartment? Had Skinner reassigned her? No. He wouldn't allow himself to think that way. She would have said something to him on the phone if there was trouble. But, it was strange that she would call him so late on a Friday night, and ask him to come over. He smiled. Not that he minded. He still could remember the way she had looked at him that day as they took a walk alongside the Reflection Pool. They had decided that they needed some fresh air because they were swamped with paperwork. So, they had taken a walk. * * * Previous Wednesday Reflection Pool 2:21 pm The day wasn't awfully cold, but they still needed to wear their long, look-at-me-I-work-for-the-FBI overcoats. They walked side by side in silence as the chilly February wind blew past them. Mulder was walking on the outside, with Scully closest to the pool. He had chosen that position subconsciously, out of instinct, because of his need to protect her. If anyone were to attack them, he would be on the most vulnerable side. It occurred to him that Scully could probably defend herself better than he. But all he knew was that in his heart, he needed to keep her safe. As this thought crossed his mind, he looked to Scully. Her dark coat was a sharp contrast to her fiery red hair, which, on this grey day, seemed to leap out at him like living flame. Her intense blue eyes were clear, but not focused on him. She seemed to be far away, thinking of something very important. "Scully?" he asked. She didn't look at him. "Yes?" "Are you okay?" It was an extremely neutral question, but in *their* language, it was equivalent to so many more personal questions: Are you happy? Are you feeling well? Are you lonely? Have you grieved for your sister? Does your life make you feel full? Can I do anything? And most important of all: Do you need me? She smiled, and tucked an auburn lock of hair behind her ear. It was a gesture so completely *Scully* that it made Mulder feel safe and whole. "Yes, Mulder. I'm fine." And her neutral answer meant more than it would seem to outsiders. It said to him: I'm all right. Yes, I miss Melissa, but I'm okay. I'm happy because I'm with you. I feel full when I'm working with you. All you can do is be my friend, and I am fine. And, most importantly: I will always need you. He grinned, understanding her words perfectly, and without thinking slipped his arm around her shoulders. She did not protest. It was a familiar gesture to her - one that he did from time to time. She breathed deeply and in a daring moment, put her arm around his waist, holding him tight. Mulder was momentarily shocked by the physical contact, but he certainly did not dissuade it. Instead, he rather enjoyed it. And then, she looked up at him, and he would never forget the look in her eyes. The look that said so many things, held so many emotions: love, gratitude, sadness, friendship. But all she said was, "Thank you." He nodded, and couldn't tear his gaze from her sea blue eyes. * * * Friday night En route to Scully's apartment 10:39 pm And as Mulder drove the final blocks to Scully's place, he wondered again why she had called. Perhaps she was having a particularly bad case of guilt and sorrow over Melissa and needed him to comfort her and tell her that it wasn't her fault. Perhaps she had had a bad dream and needed him to chase the shadows and demons away. Maybe she was having trouble finalizing the points of a case and needed his input. It was possible that she had rented some movies, and was going to surprise him, by asking him to watch them with her. Or maybe she just needed to talk to him - just because he was Mulder, her best friend. Whatever it was, he would gladly do it. He would do anything for her. As he turned down Scully's street, a new song came on the radio. Anything you want Anything at all Anything you need Any time you call Any time you cry Any time you fall I will pick you up Any time at all * * * Friday night Scully's apartment 10:42 pm Scully was just starting to wonder where Mulder was, when she heard a soft knock upon her door. Taking a deep breath, she rose from the couch and padded over to her door. She begged her courage to stay strong and opened the door. Mulder stood before her wearing black jeans, a black V-neck sweater, white T-shirt underneath, and a black leather jacket. His attire made his hair and eyes appear very dark, almost brooding, but she could see his concern just underneath the surface. "Thank you for coming," she said softly. Mulder looked at Scully. Her hair fell in soft curls around her face, and her blue eyes looked warm. She was wearing grey sweatpants, and a short black T-shirt. Mulder's gaze returned to her face, and he noticed that he could see the tracks of tears on her cheeks. He stepped forward, concern forcing its way through his casual exterior. "What's wrong, Scully?" he asked, touching her cheek. "It's not what you think," she said, stepping aside so he could enter. "What do you mean? Why have you been crying?" Scully hadn't even noticed the tears. They must have fallen during her long periods of thought. She wiped them away and smiled. "It's nothing, Mulder. Please, come sit down with me." Now Mulder was on full alert. Scully had been crying and she was trying to pretend that nothing had happened. He shook his head and joined her on the couch. She sat on one end, near the end table, and he sat down fairly close to her. Her head fell down for a few moments as she gathered her thoughts, and all Mulder could do was watch her with increasing worry. He couldn't possibly imagine what was wrong. When she looked up at him, she smiled, and he felt a surge of warmth spread from his chest outwards. He felt his hand reach out to touch her shoulder. "What is it, Scully?" She shook her head. "I feel like a kid," she said, a nervous tone in her voice. "I told myself that I could do this. That I was an adult and I could tell you this, but now I'm not so sure. Now I'm worried about what you'll say to me." "Tell me what?" "Mulder, when I first met you I thought you were arrogant, sarcastic, obnoxious, self-righteous..." Mulder smiled. "Stop. You're flattering me, Scully." She smirked at him. "Well, that's what I thought. But, as I got to know you, I realized that all that was just an act for you. That it was your way of keeping people at arms length. I do the same thing, except I keep people away by trying to be smarter than they are, and by being professional and detached. But, it seems as though we have left a chink in our armors exposed and let each other get close." Mulder nodded, agreeing. "Yes, you're right about that. You are the only person who knows me as well as I know myself. I *did* let you get close, but I think that that was bound to happen since we are partners." Then suddenly, his face took on a different expression. "Do you regret letting me get close to you, Scully?" She smiled and took his hand. "No, Mulder. I will never regret that." He sighed in relief and said, "Is that what you wanted to tell me?" Shaking her head, she took hold of his hand with both of hers. "No, not really. As we have worked together these past three years, I have come to know something. At first, I thought it was passing, but as time has gone by, it has only intensified, and I simply can't deny it any longer. It's far too exhausting. So, I have decided that I have to tell you about it even if you laugh in my face. I simply can't go on like this any longer." "Scully, I would never laugh at you. I'll do anything for you. I'll give you anything I can. Whatever you want, I'll give it to you. What do you want?" Scully looked down, making sure her courage hadn't deserted her, and when she looked up at Mulder, he nearly gasped. She had never looked at him as she was now. Her eyes held so many emotions that he was awed at the power in her gaze. "I want *you*." Mulder's heart nearly stopped, and he swore he heard her wrong. "Excuse me?" Scully reached up and placed her hand, palm down, on his cheek. "All I want is you," she said again. Mulder swallowed dryly, nearly lost in her touch. He couldn't believe what she had said. She couldn't mean it the way it sounded. "You want *me*?" he asked incredulously. She nodded and leaned forward, pressing her lips to his in an electric sensation. She pulled away and said, "I love you, Mulder." Mulder was in shock. This was something that only happened in his dreams. And yet, here was Scully telling him what he had longed to hear her say. He smiled. "I can't believe this. I've dreamed of this, but I never thought it would really happen." Scully pulled him close and kissed him again, and they felt as though a bolt of lightning had passed between them. Theirs were kindred spirits that were created just for the other. It was a feeling that could not be denied. True love like theirs wasn't found often, only once. She rested her forehead against his, and for a long time, they were silent, as their special way of communicating took over. They didn't need words. Their souls spoke to each other. After a few minutes, Mulder reached up and looked into Scully's eyes, reveling in the deep blue. "I have something to tell you." She smiled, and smoothed that stubborn lock of hair off his forehead. "What?" "I have loved you since that first case when you listened to me, and respected me. No one else had ever done that, and when you followed me, trusted me, and admitted that there were things you couldn't explain, I knew I could love you. I will always love you." She pulled him close and just held him for a long time. She loved the feel of him in her arms. It felt right to be holding him, as if her arms were meant for him. She slowly pushed his jacket off and then pulled his sweater over his head. Next, his T-shirt was pulled up and away, and she wrapped her arms around him, laying her head on his shoulder. "You don't know what that means to me. To know that I'm not alone. I've been alone for so long." Mulder slid his hands under her shirt and couldn't believe how soft her skin felt. He wanted to feel her skin against his, so he pulled her shirt off and then held her close to him. Each could feel the other's heart beating and they could hear each other breathing. Mulder buried his head in her hair and kissed her neck. Then he said, "You won't be alone any more, Scully. Not while I'm around." She smiled and kissed him passionately, feeling as though she were kissing the sun. There was such a charge between them; it was magical. Soon, she pulled away from him reluctantly, and stood up. Taking her outstretched hand, he rose as well, and followed her into the bedroom. She stopped before the doorway and touched his cheek tenderly. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you." It was such an honest statement, such a declaration of love and trust, that Mulder wanted to gather her in his arms forever. It touched him deeply to know that a woman as amazing as Scully would choose him. He smiled at her, in the half-light of her apartment, and watched in wonder as the golden light made her hair come alive. Mulder suddenly had to blink to keep tears back, as his love for Scully overwhelmed him. "I've never loved anyone as much as I love you." Scully let a single tear fall down her cheek, and then she led him inside her bedroom and closed the door. __________________________________________ But in the night he woke and held her tight as though she were all of life and it was being taken from him. He held her feeling she was all of life there was and it was true. --Ernest Hemingway *For Whom the Bell Tolls* ___________________________________________ THE END