From: ldshupe@aol.com (LDShupe)
Subject: NEW:  A Cleansing Rain (1/1) MSR
Date: 7 Jul 1997 04:07:47 GMT

A CLEANSING RAIN  (1/1)
by Lori Shupe

DISCLAIMER:  These are not my characters, they are the property of Chris
Carter, 1013, Fox and whoever else.  To quote The Boss,  "I ain't here on
business baby, I'm only here for fun."
RATING:  PG
CATEGORY: Mulder/Scully Romance
SUMMARY: While stuck in a cheap Iowa motel during a severe thunderstorm,
Mulder and Scully's conversation also becomes somewhat turbulent.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:  I got such nice responses from my first attempt at this, I
thought I'd try it again.  I am playing fast and loose with the timeline
here; I guess it takes place around the beginning of the fourth season. 
It is before Scully's illness, anyway. So, I hope you enjoy it, and please
e-mail me with your (gentle!) feedback.   
**************************************************************************
*****************

"You know, it really is pretty here," Fox Mulder said off-handedly to his
partner.  Dana Scully sat in the passenger seat next to him, staring out
her window at the endlessly unfolding cornfields. 

"If you insist," she responded dryly without looking at him.

"I could see myself spending some time here under other circumstances; you
know, outside of the grisly murder part of it." 

Scully snorted. "Yeah, that does tend to take a bit of the allure out of
this "pretty" Iowa countryside."

"I don't know..." he trailed off.  "I like it."  The view out the car
window was of central Iowa in mid June.  The sky was as vivid a blue as
Mulder had ever seen, especially in contrast to the huge puffy white
clouds.  The terrain was gently rolling, and was blocked off in large
squares of green and gold.  Small purple  and orange flowers grew thick in
the ditches, and the occasional farmer's ponds sparkled in the sun. As the
rental car cruised quietly along the highway, Mulder couldn't help but
feel a sense of peacefulness as the corn rustled in the wind, and the
clouds floated past the sun. 

The case he and Scully had just wrapped up turned out to be nothing more
that a grisly murder-suicide--no X-File, though the gore factor had led
him at first to believe that perhaps there was something more to the case.
It turned out not,  and they were headed back to the motel. Mulder was
unable to get their flight moved up to tonight, so they would spend the
night in the small town near Des Moines, and fly back home in the morning.
 This hadn't sat well with his partner, who had been withdrawn and grouchy
for the whole trip.  He wasn't sure of the reason for Scully's dour mood,
but had a gut feeling that he had something to do with it.  He got the
feeling a lot lately that Scully was only barely tolerating him, and he
wished there was something he could do to change that.

He glanced over at her again and sighed quietly.  She stared vacantly out
the window, lost in her thoughts.  Sunlight shone through the sweep of her
auburn hair, making it glow like a new penny.  Her skin was pale with a
hint of pink in her cheeks and a faint spray of freckles across her nose,
and her eyes were a bright blue.  She was an attractive woman, although
she never seemed to act like she thought she was. Mulder realized in
thinking about how pretty she was that he had probably never told her she
looked nice, or complimented her on a new outfit or hairstyle, though he
always noticed.  Why was he always so self-absorbed that he couldn't
remember to pay just a little bit of extra attention to her?  After all,
she was the only person in his life that he cared about completely.  He
sighed again with exasperation as that same old thought jumped into his
head--"I am just a partner to her.  Otherwise, she would let me into her
head a little bit more often."

Scully looked at him at that very instant with a questioning look, as
though she'd read his thoughts.  "What's wrong?"

"Nothing.  Why?"

She smiled with a cynical twinkle in her eye.  "You keep sighing like
you're upset or something.  What?!"

"I'm not upset."  he grinned and said "Just bored I guess."  Then he
fought the urge to sigh again.  He had the perfect opportunity to open up
a bit to her and see if she followed suit, and instead he told her he was
bored.  It's all about me...

"We're almost there, then you can nap at the motel or watch TV or
something interesting."

"I'd rather talk to you,' he said softly, and was pleasantly surprised by
the look his comment brought to her face. "I think I'm just bored with
driving."

"You sure it's not the scenery?"  she teased.

"Scully, I can't believe you'd be so cynical as to not enjoy these views.
And check out the storm clouds forming off that way.  Cool stuff."

"Yeah, uh-huh,"  she humored him, then attempted to start a real
conversation. "You know, I've been thinking about taking some of my
vacation time when we get back, and maybe actually going somewhere."

"Really?" he was shocked because she used her piled up vacation time even
less than he did. "Where are you thinking about going?"

"I don't know, but I'd like to do something different, like go gambling in
Vegas or Tahoe. See some shows, go out at night..."

"Really?!"  Mulder couldn't conceal the surprise in his voice that she
would ever want to do anything remotely like that.  He took her more for a
quiet, spa retreat weekend type of vacationer.

"Yes, Mulder.  Is it so hard to believe that I like to have fun when I'm
not with you?"

"I'll ignore the implication that being with me isn't fun..."

"Mulder, you know  what I mean."

"Yeah, and I guess I *am* a bit surprised.  I really don't know that much
about you..."  he swallowed a lump that had suddenly appeared in his
throat--fear?-- and said "and that makes me feel kind of bad."

This turn in the conversation sat her up in her seat.  She moved her body
to face him.  "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, I mean I've been your partner for nearly 4 years and there is so
much about you that I don't know. " He squirmed uncomfortably in his seat
and caught her amused grin.  

She leveled a cool look straight into his hazel eyes and said, "What do
you want to know?" Scully studied her partner closely as he faced the road
and tried to fight off a flustered look.  His discomfort in even a
slightly personal conversation should have irritated her, but in fact, it
was charmingly endearing. Scully's partner may not have this effect on
anyone else, but for her, he was most appealing when he was revealing this
awkwardly shy side.  She thought she detected a slight blush on his
handsome face as he ran a hand through his thick, dark hair. It was her
turn to sigh aloud.  

He glanced over at her sheepishly.  "I don't know."

A small laugh escaped her.  "We know  each other better than you realize
Mulder.  You just don't know the insignificant details; the favorite
colors and songs, and stuff like that."

"I want to."  He said in a level below what was audible to Scully.  

"What?"

"Nothing.  So, what do you want to eat when we get to the motel?  I think
I saw a burger place not far from it."

Scully sighed again.  So much for the "getting to know you" conversation
she thought he'd dived into.  "Yeah, burgers sound fine.  Wow, those storm
clouds are looking nasty.  We're heading right into it, aren't we?"  

Mulder remained silent and stared at the black swirling wall of thunder
clouds with a nervous flutter in his gut.  As much as he wished he could
turn back and go another route, this was the road they were on, and the
road they needed to take to get to where they were going.

*********************************

It was nearly 5 o'clock in the evening by the time Mulder and Scully got
back to the Satellite Motel, a brown bag of greasy burgers and fries on
the seat between them.  The sky was now an alarming shade of black-ish
purple, and not even a whisper of a breeze remained.  As they stepped out
of the car in front of their rooms, they both were startled by the
stagnant, sticky air they were breathing.

"Was it this humid when we left?"  Scully asked. 

"Nuh uh.  Weird huh?"

She was watching the sky with growing uneasiness.  "Let's eat in your
room," she said, rather pointlessly since he'd already opened his door and
was carrying her food in with him.  He turned on an ugly mauve ceramic
lamp on the credenza by the front door, then also pulled open the drapes
to the picture window so as to observe the rapidly changing weather.  He
laid the food on the bed, and slid out of his shoes before heading into
the bathroom to wash up.  Scully took the newspaper out of the wastebasket
and laid it on the bed as a kind of placemat, then unpacked their dinner. 
Mulder emerged from the bathroom sans tie , shirt unbuttoned two down his
neck, and shirttails untucked. She hung her suit jacket over a chair,
kicked off her shoes, and went to wash for dinner.  Mulder had already
began squeezing a blob of ketchup onto his wrapper for the fries. He
flipped on the TV, and she rolled her eyes as she shut the bathroom door. 
So much for dinner conversation she thought, but by the time she'd washed
up and exited the bathroom, he'd already shut the TV off.

"We are under a Severe Thunderstorm Warning, and just north and west of us
is a Tornado Watch," he said and took a bite of hamburger.

Scully made a sound to indicate that she'd heard him, but didn't comment. 
She couldn't fight the odd, uneasy feeling she had in the pit of her
stomach, and was suddenly almost afraid to look at him, although she
wasn't sure why.  He had already finished one cheeseburger and was
starting on his second as she began her first.  She couldn't think of a
single thing to say to him, nor he to her.  They ate in silence, then she
cleared away the wrappers and stood up.

"I need to change clothes," she said and headed for the door. "Good night
Mulder."

"Aren't you coming back?" 

She looked at him with that same surprised look she'd given him in the car
when he told her he felt bad for not knowing more about her.  "I guess I
could.  Do you want me to?"

"Yeah, change and come back. We can talk.  Bring some ice when you come." 
With that, he kicked back on the bed, pillows propped behind his head, and
grinned at her.

She left feeling baffled by his behavior.  For 4 years, Scully had felt
herself grow  closer and closer to Mulder without ever letting him know
how much he meant to her.  Oh, every once in a while she'd touch him
gently to comfort him, or say something to make him feel that all hope
wasn't really lost, but by and large, she'd denied him access to  her head
and her heart.  It was much easier that way, she'd reasoned.  After all,
even though he obviously cared for her as a person and trusted her
implicitly as a partner, he'd never really shown that his feelings
extended outside their professional relationship.  When she'd first
realized that he meant more to her than just a partner, she'd watched
closely for signs that he felt the same, all the while sheltering her
feelings from him.  Sometimes she'd think he was flirting with her in his
own goofy way, but then she'd think, "No, it's just the way he is." So she
kept herself hidden from him, even on the rare occasion when he
specifically asked her how she felt or what she thought.  

And then, in a moment of sudden clarity, Scully  realized that the signals
she was sending him were exactly the ones she perceived that he was
sending her.  Was it possible they both felt the same way, yet each was
too shell-shocked from the tragedies in their lives to be the one to
finally speak up?  To finally reach out past the professional facade and
truly become part of the other's life? She then felt her heart leap with
the notion that this was the final step he was attempting to take today,
and that she had almost missed it.    As if on cue, a bright flash of
lightning followed closely by the boom of thunder startled her out of her
daze.  She quickly buttoned her blouse, stepped into her white canvas
shoes, grabbed her room key, and headed next door with renewed hope that
this could end up being an interesting evening after all.

*******************************
When Scully entered Mulder's motel room, he was stretched out on the bed,
now wearing faded jeans, an untucked gray polo shirt and white socks.  She
grinned at him and held up the bucket of ice he had requested, then
unwrapped two motel glasses and poured them each a Coke over ice.  She
handed him his drink, and sat on the other end of the bed as Mulder drew
his legs up and sat cross-legged to give her more room.  

"You look tired," she told him matter-of-factly.  His sleepy eyes now
appeared dark brown, and his hair was as messy as if he'd just gotten up. 
'Pillow hair,' she thought to herself, and grinned ever so slightly at the
mental image of Mulder stretched out in sleep.

"I am kinda tired," he sighed. "No way I could sleep through this storm
though."  The rain was just beginning to come down hard now, and the
bright lightning and loud cracks of thunder continued. The wind was still
eerily absent though.  "Anyway...." he drawled, not really having anything
to say. 

"Anyway," she repeated.

"Scully,  do you ever wish that you had chosen another career path? 
Another job?"

She seemed taken aback by the question. "Outside of the Bureau?  No, not
really.  Why do you ask?"

"Well, because, it just seems to me sometimes that someone like you could
be on the fast track to upper management if she wanted. Or successful in a
big-city hospital somewhere.  I'm ... you're so much more than these cases
we work on, and...what's that look?"

"Mulder, you're full of shit and you know it.  Ask me what you want to
really ask me." 

He drew in a deep breath.  "Scully, am I wasting your life?"

She looked at him with surprise in her eyes.  "Why would you even ask me
something like that Mulder?"

He wouldn't look directly at her when he said, "I just get the feeling
lately that you don't want to be around me, and that the cases we work on,
particularly the ones that interest me because they may help me find my
sister, are not at all fulfilling to you.  That you need something more." 
He looked up at her, and she saw the furrow between his eyes that he got
when he was unhappy.

"I'm sorry if I gave you that impression Mulder. I derive quite a bit of
satisfaction from your cases."

" *My* cases," he said emphatically and watched her face droop at bit as
she realized he knew she wasn't being totally honest with him.  

She exhaled heavily and looked at him with a pained expression.  This was
*not* how she wanted to spend the evening; these were not the kind of
revelations she wanted to delve into on this stormy night.  "Mulder, the
X-Files is *your* baby.  Every paranormal case we investigate holds at
least a slight glimmer of hope for you that somehow you will learn more
about the circumstances behind Samantha's disappearance.  Every light in
the sky could be a piece of the puzzle. Every shadowy lead we follow may
hold in it part of the truth that you search for...that you need.  Mulder,
the X-Files are  your *life*.  But they're my job."  The sadness in his
eyes at that statement would haunt her, she thought. It was the dawning of
his realization that he really was totally alone in his quest for the
truth, and the one person he hoped might join him in his search followed
him for different reasons--insignificant reasons.  He tried to shrug it
off when he finally spoke.

"So, you're not mad at me or anything though right?" He attempted a goofy
grin.  His eyes looked very dark and liquid, and he looked away from her
again, knowing she could read too much in them.

"Mulder, just because your quest is not mine in the most personal sense,
doesn't trivialize it in my eyes.  I don't live your quest because she
wasn't my sister.  But the search for the truth is important because it
will help me understand why *my* sister is gone, and why I was taken."

He looked up at her with such a  broken-hearted look that she felt the air
leave her chest as if she'd been hit in the stomach.  "*I* am the reason
for your sister's death,  and for your abduction," he said, his voice
breaking.  "My personal pursuits have hurt innocent bystanders along the
way--that is one truth I know for sure."  Lightning flashed brightly and
as the accompanying thunder crashed, the power went out.  The rain came
down in sheets, running down the window so hard it blurred the view out
it.

They sat silently in the dim room, until Scully said, "Why are you doing
this to yourself?  Why do you feel the need to make yourself unhappy."

"I was already unhappy," he replied bitterly.

"OK," she said with growing anger. "Then why do you feel the need to make
me unhappy also?"  It was his turn to look shocked.  "Mulder, you aren't
giving me much credit in this whole scenario.  You act as though I am just
some poor victim, some 'innocent bystander' who doesn't have the sense to
get out of the way when Spooky Mulder and his cloud of conspiracies comes
whirling by.  I know you're an intelligent man, Mulder.  So why can't you
see the one truth in all this that should be obvious?" 

Mulder could only stare at her breathlessly in the fading light.   He was
both excited by and terrified of where this conversation was going.  His
voice came out barely above a whisper, "What is that?"

It was as if in a dream that Dana Scully reached out across the chenille
bedspread and took Fox Mulder's hand.  She focused her gaze straight into
his eyes with a look that sent his heart soaring.  Though she hadn't
spoken a word, the look on his face was already a reaction to what she
wanted to say.   "You know, don't you?" was what she managed to say.

"Scully,  please..." he looked at her with pleading eyes. "Please say it."

She took another deep breath, and a small smile crept across her face. 
Her sweet, sad smile brought tears to Mulder's eyes.  "I'm with you
because I want to be.  I'm sorry now that I've taken so long to admit
this...but I have come to realize that what has become most important in
my life is not my  work...not these cases....  Mulder, it's you." Scully
stopped speaking for a moment  and gazed tenderly into his brimming eyes,
feeling her own eyes prickle.  She whispered hoarsely, "I'm in love with
you."  She reached up to touch his face, and he closed his eyes, sending a
tear coursing down his unshaven cheek.  She dabbed it away with her
fingertips.   "I seem unhappy sometimes not because I'm upset with you or
because I feel you are wasting my time, but because I'm unhappy with
myself for not having the courage to tell you this before now.  And I'm
unhappy because I was getting the feeling that even if I did tell you, 
you didn't  feel the way I do."  Scully's hand still rested on his cheek.
He opened his eyes and looked at her, then he placed his hand over hers,
moving it slightly so that he could kiss her palm. He pulled away then and
wiped his face.

"I do feel the same as you," he said softly.  She wanted to cry from the
sweet way he looked at her,  his sparkling hazel eyes rimmed in dark wet
lashes.  The insecurity on his face and in his voice empowered her.  She
pulled him into her arms in a comforting embrace  that conveyed not only
the love they were finally declaring aloud for each other, but the love
they had always felt for each other as friends, and the emotion associated
with all the sadness, pain, and lost hope they had encountered in their
search for the truth.   Suddenly  four years of repressed emotions had
pushed to the surface for both of them from beneath layers of old hurts
and tragedies and fears, and those strong feelings  manifested themselves
in an embrace that was as tight as their arms could manage.  Outside, the
summer storm was howling with a ferocity that, under normal circumstances,
might have worried them. At this moment, they were oblivious to anything
but the warmth of arms encompassing and squeezing, hearts pounding and
tears flowing.

 Scully started laughing finally and said, "As much as I could do this all
night, I...can't...breathe."

He laughed and released her.  This time when he looked into her eyes, his
eyes were sparkling with a joy that she had never seen in him.  His smile
was huge, and contagious, and she found herself smiling a wide  smile back
at him. He leaned in and his lips met hers lightly in a soft, slow, tender
kiss.  Instead of pursuing the passion they both felt though, he pulled
away and gazed at her again, and she fell back into his arms for another
embrace.  His hands were in her soft auburn hair, and she rubbed the taut
muscles of his back through his shirt.  He lightly kissed her again, and
sat up across from her on the bed. They could only stare at each other in
the darkened motel room. Finally, Mulder spoke.

"I've felt for a long, long time that you were the only person that has
ever really taken the time to know me...when every one else had me written
off as some kind of spook, you listened and you understood my passion for
what I was doing..."  his voice broke slightly as he continued, "and
whether I showed it or not, I've needed you nearly every minute that I've
known you."

Fighting the urge to cry, she laid her hand on the back of his head and
pulled him in for a kiss.  She stood then and went to the window to watch
the storm outside exert it's awesome power.  Lightning flashed, thunder
loudly cracked, the wind literally howled,  and the rain had flooded the
gravel parking lot.   Scully gasped.  "I've never seen rain like
this...we're going to wash away."

He joined her at the window  and said, "Should we be scared?"  He laughed
then and answered himself,   "I'll bet if we had any sense right now we
would be."  He stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. 
She leaned back onto his chest and sighed.  He continued, "I think we'll
be fine."

All the while, he was softly touching her, kissing her hair and breathing
warmly against her skin.  Scully felt the desire rise in her, but instead
of repressing it, this time she closed her eyes and let it carry her away.
 The rain and wind was hypnotic, and his warm hands on her skin was
electrifying. Finally, she could no longer stand it, and turned to face
him.  In an instant, they were kissing; deeply, passionately.  His hands
were in her hair, over her body. She pushed his shirt up so she could feel
the bare skin of his chest.   He groaned, and she pushed his shirt over
his head and dropped it to the floor.  Her hands explored his chest, his
shoulders, his back, then down his stomach and over his jeans. His mouth
crushed hers, and his whiskers burned her face. She bit his full lower lip
teasingly and pulled away to look him in the eyes. 

"Let's make love," she whispered, and he walked her backwards to the bed,
and laid her gently down. He slowly undressed her, kissing every area
newly revealed.  She groped at the button fly of his jeans, which he
finally undid and removed himself.  They moved slowly;  kissing, 
touching, licking, memorizing each other's bodies.  Then as he moved above
her, both of them eager to begin, he kissed her lightly and said the one
thing he never thought he'd say to his partner.

"I love you Scully."

***************************

Scully awoke in bed next to Mulder.  The sound of light rain drummed
outside the window.  Without a sound, she rolled over facing him and
watched him sleep.  He lay on his stomach, one strong, tanned arm flung
over his head and wrapped around his pillow.  The light from the window
cast a soft sheen on the smooth skin of his back, and she couldn't resist
the urge to touch him.  He stirred and his eyes  opened.  She merely gazed
at him without expression until he woke enough to comprehend.  He slowly
smiled and leaned over to kiss her.  His hair was rumpled and sexy, and
she grinned again remembering how she had admired his messy 'pillow hair'
earlier that day, and had wondered how he would look stretched out in
sleep.  She rolled over and he nestled up to her like a spoon, his arm
wrapped loosely around her, his breath warm in her hair.  His regular
breathing told her he was already asleep. The rain trailed off to
sprinkles as she slowly drifted off into a deep, peaceful sleep.

*****************************************

As they drove in silence to the airport the next morning, Scully stared
out the window as the scenery rushed by.  The rain had made everything the
most vibrant shade of green she'd ever seen, and the sky was a sharp
cerulean blue in contrast with the cottony white clouds. Wildflowers
flattened by the rain last night now stretched towards the sun, and the
air smelled sweet and clean.   "You know," she said, "it really is pretty
here."

He turned to her, and a huge smile spread across his face.  "Yeah, it sure
is."


THE END