Date: Sat, 26 Apr 97 15:40:36 UT From: "Yvonne Richards" Subject: 1/2 CASTING OUT DEMONS by Yvonne J Richards DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions and the Fox Network. They also belong to Sheila Larken, Mitch Pileggi, Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny, without whom, they would have life, but no soul. No copyright infringement intended. All other characters bear no resemblance to anyone either living or dead. 1/2 CASTING OUT DEMONS Yvonne J Richards Yvonne_Richards@msn.com Set after MOMENTO MORI SPOILER FOR SEASON 4 RATING - R for two 'naughty' words CONTENT WARNING - CLASSIFICATION - S and R A Scully finds Mulder drunk and dishevelled, calling her mother to come help her care for him. Unknown to her he overhears something he shouldn't. Mulder's Apartment May 30th 1997 10.27 am "Mulder!" Dana Scully was standing outside Fox Mulder's apartment impatiently waiting for him to answer her. She knew he was there. Where else would he be? He hadn't answered any of her calls in the last two weeks and although she knew he needed privacy, after what had happened … She knocked again. If he doesn't answer me soon I will use my key she thought defiantly. "Only the FBI's most unwanted …" "Mulder open the door." "Go away Scully." "No." "Go away." Inserting her key in the lock she shouted. "I'm coming in Mulder." "I'll shoot Scully." With a roll of her eyes and a shake of her fiery red hair she stormed through his door, gasping as she stood on the threshold. Slowly she retrieved her key from the lock and dropped it into her purse. Blinking her eyes, trying to accustom herself to the dark she could hardly believe the sight that met her. Her nose even less, the smells that assaulted her from that tiny room were almost too much for a trained pathologist to cope with. The television screen gave off just enough light for her to see unwashed clothes strewn everywhere, aluminium containers of half-eaten takeaway, pizza boxes open, their contents half chewed and then thrown back in. Dana sniffed, tiny micro organisms having already taken up residence in their new homes she suspected. And bottles. Bottles everywhere. Wine, but mainly whiskey. Dana covered her mouth with her hand as she stepped over clothes and food cartons. Sunflower seed shells scattered the floor where they had been spat and she crunched on them as she made her way to the window. "Gonna jump Scully?" "No." God that I could Mulder. "I just think we need some fresh air in here that's all." "Oh. Has the enigmatic Doctor Scully come to take care of me?" Dana didn't rise to the bait as she pushed the window up and let the refreshing air flood into the dark apartment. "You didn't answer my calls Mulder." "Praps," he stumbled over the word, blinking his eyes at the light that now flooded into the room from the opened blind. "Dammit Scully, close the blinds." He lifted his hand to shield his eyes. Dana shut them partially, but not completely. She wanted to look at what this man had done to himself over the past two weeks. It was not a pretty sight. "Praps," he tried again, "I didn't wanna talk to you." His face grew into a childish grin as he arched both eyebrows at her. "Had you thought of that Scully?" The grin faded to nothing. Again she didn't rise. Let him be. He's suffering. She set about clearing the cartons from the table and floor and collecting the bottles. The room wreaked of alchohol and there was something else, a faint stale odour she couldn't quite detect. "I'll clear up a bit Mulder." "Don't mother me Scully. I don't need you. I don't need anybody." Oh that that were true Mulder, if that were true she thought. "Did I say you needed anybody. While I'm here I may as well clear up. I'll put these in the kitchen." She struggled in with armfuls of boxes, cartons and bottles and still the stale smell lingered. Dropping the trash on the counter she made her way to the bathroom. Slowly she pushed open the door, now knowing what she would find. She clamped a hand over her mouth. This she couldn't deal with. Not after her treatment. Her stomach turned over as she leant against the wall, feelings of fear and panic rising in her. "Mulder." She had made her way back to the lounge after regaining some of her composure. "Mulder. I'm going home to get changed and then I'll come back and clean up." She didn't tell him that Margaret Scully would be coming with her because she just couldn't cope. "Whatever." Another seed shell spat out onto the already burgeoning pile on the carpet. "You don't have to bother about me. Nobody has to bother about me." "Whatever Mulder. It's 10.40 now, I'll be back in about an hour." She picked up her coat and purse and headed for home. Dana Scully's Apartment May 30th 1997 11.10 am Dana had changed into sweats and an old shirt ready for the assault on Mulder's room. Packing an overnight bag with some jeans and tops to change into she knew she couldn't leave him on his own, he'd kill himself. Slowly but surely he would kill himself. She didn't know if she was strong enough for both of them. He had always been so strong-willed, so … strong. He had carried both of them on the crest of his wave. And now. Now he was floundering in the sea. Helpless. Desperate. Alone. Knowing that, she had to be strong for him, but she also knew she couldn't do it alone. Not this time. Not now. Dialling Margaret Scully's number she didn't have to wait long before she heard her mother's soft tone. "Mom?" "Hiya honey. How are you?" "Oh fine Mom." She let out a long sigh. "What's wrong?" "It's Mulder. He's a mess." "He's taken it hard hasn't he?" "Worse than I expected. He's been drinking." She heard her mother let out a gasp. "I didn't think he drank at all." "He doesn't usually. That's why …" "Why what?" "His place is in such a mess Mom. I told him I'd go back and clear it up. He can't live like that, he'll make himself ill. Well, he has been ill …" Dana gagged at the thought of his bathroom. "Okay. Do you want me to come over and clear up for you?" "I can't do it Mom. It was everywhere. I just can't cope with it not after the trea…" "I know. Don't fret. I'll be there." "Thanks Mom." Dana hit the end button, picked up her keys and purse and with a deep sigh headed for her ex-partners home. Mulder's Apartment May 30th 1997 10.40 am "Good riddance." He tossed over his shoulder as soon as the door had shut behind his partner. No. Not his partner anymore. He didn't have a partner. Didn't want a partner. He had a job, still. If he wanted it. But he didn't want that either. He didn't want anything. Just to be left alone in his own dark, stale, smelly cess pit of a life, existence … whatever. His eyes fluttered shut as he slumped back down into his couch. 11.40 am "I think he's asleep." It was the merest whisper. "I'll show you where everything is and you can get on. He wont be too happy if he knows you're here. It's bad enough me seeing him in this state." "Okay honey. I'll be as quick and as quiet as I can." Dana decided on clearing up the kitchen first and making an attack on the lounge when Mulder eventually woke. Checking on him she realised how deeply he was sleeping. Every cloud has a silver lining eh Mulder? He looked peaceful as he lay there with at least a weeks growth on his chin, indicating that how he looked and how he must be feeling were two different things. How she wished she could be stronger for him but she was so tired. Tired of searching for truths, tired of dead ends, brick walls, lies, deception. Tired of fighting. Tired of fighting her own demons let alone Mulder's. And yet, how long had he fought his own? Her cancer was recent and although she wouldn't let anyone see the cracks, they were still there. In the middle of the night when no one could see or hear her, the tears would come, the shaking, the fear. And she would compose herself ready for the next day with her freshly pressed suit, hair and make up immaculate. A smile for the world. A world she did not have long in but still not a world she wanted wrapped around her. No cosseting. She smiled now at the similarity between her and the hunched up figure on the couch. Sometimes they almost touched one another with their glances, their unspoken words. Their gestures which meant so much to them were probably unnoticed by people in general. But to them they were the lifelines of their existence, their own private umbilical cord, the times when they both 'touched base', believed - believed the world was real. Touchable. 'Trustable'. Sighing she shook her head and went back to her work in the kitchen. Margaret crept in, rubbing a gloved hand across her forehead. "I think it's all done now honey." "Oh thanks Mom. Sorry to have to put you through that." "It's nothing. No more than I've had to put up with with four children." "I suppose not. Still I couldn't have done it." "It's too soon. You're not back on your feet yet after …" "I know. Thanks." The two women hugged and then jerked apart as they heard the scream. "SAMANTHAAAAAAAA!" "What in …" Margaret Scully's face was white. Dana took her hand. "It's okay Mom. I can deal with this." Margaret watched as her daughter settled herself on the edge of Mulder's couch, holding his shoulders down while he trembled and tossed and turned. Mouthing his sister's name, mumbling incoherently. Gradually he became calmer and she watched as Dana loosened her grip on him and began stroking his face, pushing his hair back off his forehead, soothing him. She wondered if she re-played this it would be exactly the same the next time, or the time before? It looked as if her daughter were going through some ritualistic motion that she had been through countless times before. Is that what she did for him? When he didn't know who he was or where he was. She tried feeling hatred for him, for bringing her little girl down like this. For making her cope with him while she tried so desperately to cope with her own demons. But she couldn't. This was Fox. She loved him like her own son. That's what he needed - love. Trouble was he never asked for it. Too proud? No, she thought, too vulnerable to accept it, too unworthy, in his eyes, to warrant it. How could anyone look at them now and not know how deeply Dana cared for him. Her ministrations were more than a Doctor, more than a friend, they were maternal but something beyond that. A bond existed that meant she felt his pain and vice versa. That was what she was watching now. Her only daughter in as much pain as her surrogate son. She wished to God she could help them. "He'll be fine now Mom. Don't worry. I'm used to it." "Yes. I'm sure you are." She pulled her mouth into a tightlipped smile, hoping Dana wouldn't read what wasn't there. Her smile may have looked tense and disapproving, but in her heart. Well. She had a thousand dreams in her heart - for her daughter. For them both. "Will he wake soon?" "It's hard to tell. I'll just get the washcloth and wipe his face and then we'll have a drink." Dana looked across at her Mom, whose face was still just a little pale. "It's frightening the first time, but it gets easier. Five years on. It gets easier." She disappeared into the freshly cleaned bathroom. "DANA! He's awake." "What the fu.." He realised just in time who was standing by him. "Scully? I told you I didn't need you, need anybody." Dana had returned with the washcloth. "So you say Mulder." She moved to wipe his face but thought better of it. What she could do while he was asleep, well, she couldn't do it now. He'd be far too embarrassed. "Mom was helping me … clean up." "I don't need your help. I like living in this mess. It suits me. Suits me fi…" Frantically, he lunged forward grabbing the washcloth from Scully's hand and clamping it over his mouth. The two women watched as he staggered to the bathroom. Dana flew from the apartment leaving her mother to administer the tender loving care she couldn't bring herself to give. "Come on Fox ... Mulder. You'd be better off in bed. Now don't give me that look. You may be able to get round Dana but not her Mom. I know best." She wagged a theatrical finger at him. "And you know it's best not to argue with me, don't you?" Smiling she led him to his bedroom. "Sit down now and get yourself undressed." She helped him off with his top and supported the back of his neck as he lay down, pulling his jeans off and covering him up in one swift action. "Are you okay now?" A weak nod as he closed his eyes again. He just needed sleep for the moment but Dana. Poor Dana. She was having a really tough time of this. Margaret peered out round Mulder's front door to see if Dana was there. "Honey?" She could see her leaning against the corridor wall. "Is it okay for me to come in now?" "Yeah. He's in bed, probably asleep by now and everything's cleaned up." "Thanks Mo..." "You don't have to keep thanking me." "I know." Dana unsteadily took her mother's arm as they went back into Fox Mulder's private hell. "Come on, you should sit down. I'm here with you now. You don't have to keep coping with him on your own." "Oh Mom. Don't. You make him seem like a burden. He's not a burden. I love …" "Love him?" "I love doing it for him." Her cheeks flushed slightly. "Dana! Don't give me that. No one would love doing what you do. I can see the pain you feel, it's his pain isn't it?" Dana's eyes filled up and as she nodded her agreement two solitary tears formed and rolled down her cheeks. "How can you feel his pain if you don't love him?" "Mom. Please. Leave it. I've got enough to cope with." "Okay. I'll go make that drink." "And I'll get started on this room. Now Mulder's gone." Margaret didn't expect to hear another anguished cry so soon in what was already turning out to be a different sort of day. But this one came from her daughter. She rushed into the lounge to find Dana lying across the couch, her face buried in it. "Honey? What is it? What's wrong?" Gently she pulled Dana up to her and realised what she was clutching. "It's the only one he had. He used to have it on his desk until …" A fresh wave of sobs engulfed her. "I know. Mind your fingers Dana, you'll cut them on the glass." Margaret tried to prise the shattered picture frame from her daughter's hand but Dana was not letting go. She clung to it like a drowning man to a liferaft. Margaret conceded. In now clinging to Samantha, Dana must have felt like Mulder had all his life, that if he let go he would drown. He hadn't let go though, someone had pulled the liferaft away. Assistant Director Skinner's Office FBI Headquarters, Washington DC May 18th 1997 11.01 am "Agent Scully. I'm glad you came in to see me alone." Skinner bade her sit in one of the black leather chairs opposite his desk. Uncharacteristically, he took the other one by her side. "I know what you and Mulder have been through recently. That's why I thought this news might come better from you." "You've found Samantha haven't you?" "We've found who we think was John Lee Roche's sixteenth victim." Scully shivered. "I need for you to look at the body. Determine if it really is Samantha Mulder. I don't want Mulder to know yet." "Thank you Sir. I appreciate that." FBI HQ Morgue 18th May 1997 12.40 pm Dana Scully had finally finished her initial investigation of the skeleton that lay before her on the mortuary table. Her mind went back to the last time they had stood here. The time when Mulder's grief had almost overwhelmed him, when she thought he was going to break down there and then. Sink to his knees and sob. The time when he hadn't. The time he had leaned against that table as if it was the only thing in the world to hold on to. It had held him up. Again. Again he had kept it in, yet again. He wont be able to this time Dana told herself. Everything matched right down to the break in the collar bone. It was all there. Samantha Mulder had been abducted on 27th November 1973 by John Lee Roche the serial killer. She had been murdered. What Samantha's *death* would do to Mulder she had no way of telling, but she knew the child's discovery, and the way in which she was abducted would affect Mulder in ways which she may not be able to help him through. Everything he had ever believed in would now be challenged. A small sob escaped her as she turned to watch Mulder's tall, dark frame in the doorway. He moved silently, shoulders hunched, face drawn and his eyes. So full of sorrow. He knew. Without her telling him. He knew. She watched as he traced his fingers over that collar bone. Her collar bone. Watched as he kissed those same fingers and touched the cheekbone. Her cheekbone. He knew. He knew now where his sister had been. For all those long years he had watched and waited and hoped for her return, she had been dead. Dead. Again, she watched him grip that table for some support. This time though his legs buckled and he was kneeling beside her, speaking her name. Over and over again. "Sam, oh Sam, oh Sam." "Mulder." She touched his shoulder offering what comfort, support she could. "Why Scully?" "I don't know Mulder. I don't know." He turned to her and she too dropped to her knees and held him. She would hold him for as long as he needed it. She would be there for him, like he had been there for Samantha, for her. Basement Office FBI Headquarters, Washington DC May 19th 1997 9.05 am Dana picked up the copy of the letter which Mulder had thrust on her desk a few moments ago. "What's this Mulder?" "You can read I presume Doctor Scully?" Dana sighed. Why was he here? Why wasn't he at home, grieving? Supporting his mother. Whatever. What was he doing here? "It looks like a letter of resignation." "Ten out of ten." "Why?" "Why not? The Bureau have no need of me. They made that perfectly clear when they banished me down here. I only stayed to find Samantha. Now I have, I can go." "That was the only truth you were seeking?" "Yes." "Oh and the little matter of the government conspiracy?" "The enigmatic Doctor Scully can cope with that can't she? That always was your baby wasn't it?" "Was it?" She looked somewhat startled. "I always thought we worked as a team. I helped you look for Sam, you helped me … well you helped me. We helped each other." "Okay." He shrugged. "So now the mutual support group has come to an end. You can go the distance alone can't you Scully?" "And what if I don't want to?" "You don't have a choice. It's my life." You selfish bastard was close to tripping off her tongue but she managed to stop it escaping. She knew he hurt so deeply for Sam, but running off and leaving her. Again. He's doing it again. Running off and leaving me. "And what about my life?" The life I gave up to help you look for Sam, for aliens, for … Even her thoughts lacked coherence she was so angry. "You have the rest of your li…" She watched him get up and cross the room towards her. "Oh God Scully I'm sorry. I didn't mean that." "Mulder. I don't want to carry on without you. The work." She added quickly. "That's the whole point. Wont you reconsider?" "No. Sorry Scully. I wont … can't." Continued in part 2 "A beautiful and ineffectual angel, beating in the void his luminous wings in vain." From 'Shelley' by Matthew Arnold Doesn't that just sum up Mulder's quest beautifully? Thank you for reading thus far. Any comments to Yvonne_Richards@msn.com From monicav@mindspring.com Tue Apr 29 02:02:07 1997 Subject: 2/2 CASTING OUT DEMONS by Yvonne J Richards From: Monica Vallejo -------- I did not write this. Please forward all feedback to the author at Thanks, Monica _____________________________________________________ &*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*& Date: Sat, 26 Apr 97 15:43:08 UT From: "Yvonne Richards" Message-Id: To: x-files-fanfic@chaos.taylored.com Subject: 2/2 CASTING OUT DEMONS by Yvonne J Richards DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions and the Fox Network. They also belong to Sheila Larken, Mitch Pileggi, Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny, without whom, they would have life, but no soul. No copyright infringement intended. All other characters bear no resemblance to anyone either living or dead. 2/2 CASTING OUT DEMONS Yvonne J Richards Yvonne_Richards@msn.com Set after MOMENTO MORI SPOILER FOR SEASON 4 RATING - R for two 'naughty' words CONTENT WARNING - CLASSIFICATION - S and R A Scully finds Mulder drunk and dishevelled, calling her mother to come help her care for him. Unknown to her he overhears something he shouldn't. Mulder's Apartment May 30th 1997 4.07 pm "Are you feeling better now honey?" Margaret Scully was patting her daughter's hand. "Yes Mom. Don't fret. Don't fuss." "You sound just like somebody else." She jerked her head towards the bedroom door. "I know." A smile broke across her lips. "We're very alike Mulder and I. Very." "Dana?" "Not now Mom. It's not a good time." "Have it your own way." Dana sipped her coffee and stretched back on the couch. The room smelt of pine now. She had made sure to bring all of the cleaning materials that didn't have feminine floral fragrances. Mulder would have hated that but she had conceded for the bathroom and to hell with him she thought. "Mom?" "Yes." "Was he okay? You know before, when I left him?" "Yes, he was fine. I held him and stroked him, just like you would have done." She saw her daughter's head drop as she quickly took another sip of the piping hot coffee. "As long as he was okay." There was an awkward silence permeated only by the bubbling of the fish tank water. "Those fish need some food, poor things." Dana got up and busied herself sprinkling the flakes. "Sharks never stop swimming. If they do they die." "What?" "Oh just something someone once told Mulder." "Oh." "Mom. He's taking it so hard." Dana had brushed the flakes from her hand and had sat down facing her mother with an intensely earnest look on her face. "I don't know what to do. What to do for him?" "There's nothing you can do for him. Just be here. Let him know you love … let him know you care about him. For him. He needs love. The truth, as you two always put it, would never save him. Love will save him. Of that I'm sure." "You could be right Mom." She leaned back against the softness of the couch again. "I just wish I could something for him." "You are sweetheart, you're here now aren't you? You've always been there for him. Even when he's ungratefully wished that you weren't." "It was never intentional. He's independent. He never wanted to drag me along. I went for the ride …" Her eyes darkened as she remember places they'd been together. "He will pull through, he has to." Arctic Circle, when she thought she had lost him to the retrovirus. When he told her he'd found something 'faith to keep looking'. How many times had she sat at his bedside, hoping and praying for him to recover? "Dana?" "Ugh? Sorry Mom. What was I saying? Oh yeah, I went for the ride, but mostly I went to protect him, save him." Save myself she thought. Without him I'm nothing. "Dana. At the moment he's in a dark place. I don't mean to sound like Missy. I mean …" "I know what you mean Mom. And you're right. His whole world, as he knew it, perceived it to be, has fallen apart in front of him. He can't comprehend what he now knows. For so long he had believed that Sam was abducted by aliens. I suppose now he feels like he's kidded himself. He can't trust his memories. I know Mulder. I know him too well." She looked down at her hands now as she spread them out on her lap. "If he thinks he can't trust his mind, he'll … he'll …" Her bottom lip trembled as she breathlessly blurted out. "He'll go over the edge Mom. I'll lose him." "No you wont. For one, you wont let him go over and two, neither will I." "Oh Mom." She held her arms out to the older woman who came to sit by her, grateful to take the weight of these two people. For that is what Dana had become. Two people. Dana-and-Mulder. Mulder-and-Dana. Inseparable. Now that the apartment looked clean and, more importantly, smelt clean Dana turned her attentions to the answering machine. "Fifty seven messages Mom. Can you believe that?" "And how many of them were from you?" "Fifty five?" Came the sheepish reply. Margaret popped her head round from the kitchen. "Who were the other two from then?" "His Mom. Both over a week ago." "Doesn't she care about him?" "I think she does Mom. She doesn't know how to give him love. Let's face it he's not the easiest of men to love. I should know … Quickly clearing her throat, she went on. "He doesn't let her in does he? Well, he has tried since the stroke, but all those years of shunning love?" "Perhaps? Even so. A week! He's her only son." "And she's his only mother. Had you thought about that?" She smiled at her wise old daughter. "Okay, you're right." "I think I'll ring her." "That would be a nice gesture Dana." Dana cleared all the messages, taking a note of Mrs Mulder's number which she then dialled. "Mrs Mulder?" "Yes." "It's Dana Scully. I work with your son." "Oh yes Dana how are you?" "I'm fine. More importantly how are you?" "Oh you know, I'm fine. How's Fox?" "Taking it hard." "Yes, I expect he is. Tell him I love him." "I will do. Will you be coming to see him?" "I don't think so Dana. I don't think I could face him just at the moment." "I understand. Well, you take care now. Bye." "Bye." "She's not coming Mom. Can you believe that? Says she can't face him." "It's a strange situation Dana and really unless you've been through it … well, how do you know how we'd react." "That's how I knew she'd react." The voice made both women jump and turn round to see Mulder leaning against the wall eyeing both of them. "Mulder. What are you doing out of bed?" "Getting up is the term I think people use." "Come on sit down." "She's right." Margaret took charge and ushered him onto the couch. "And stay there. Do you want anything? Coffee?" "I'll get him an iced-tea Mom." Dana looked from Mulder to her mother, eyebrows raised in a 'will she ever learn?' look. When Dana returned from the kitchen the sight of Mulder and her mother wrapped in each others' arms warmed her. How she wished she could do that for him, to him, receive it from him. If wishes were … "I've told him how much we love him and we'd miss him if he wasn't around." Dana flushed and busied herself with delivering Mulder's drink. But her smile echoed her mother's words. "Well, if you two are okay then I'll be off." Margaret smiled at them both. "Now you be good and do as she tells you. She is a Doctor after all." "I will. Besides, she'd probably shoot me if I didn't." "If it was for your own good then you're probably right." Dana hugged her mother as she walked her to the door. "Thanks again Mom. I really appreciate it. I couldn't have coped today without you." "What are Mom's for?" Her glance strayed once more to Mulder. "Well. No. I shouldn't say anymore. You take care and call me if you need me again. I'll come, whatever time it is. If either of you need me. Okay?" Big strong hands were holding onto Dana's shoulders. "She'll be fine. We'll both be fine. Now. Thanks for coming." Goodbyes said Dana closed the door ushering Mulder back onto the couch. "I need to go freshen up. I'll grab a shower and get rid of this." He rubbed his hand over the stubble. "And Dana … thanks … for this, for everything." "It's okay." While Mulder freshened up Dana sat and flicked through the channels on the television, finding nothing much to occupy her. She picked up the photo frame of Samantha again and made a mental note to get the glass replaced. He must have been so angry to smash this against the wall. "Oh Sam, you'll never know how hard he looked for you. How much he loved you. How much I love him. He'll never know." "He will." The sound of his voice made Dana jump, sending the picture into the air. She made a big issue of retrieving the frame from behind the couch before emerging to set it back on the table. By this time he had already sat down and was beckoning her to do the same. He was wearing just his terry bathrobe and towelling his hair dry. He smelt of pine and musk, masculine. All man. He made her sit with him. So achingly close to him. Her head remained down, unable to face him. "Dana. Look at me." "I can't. I feel such a fool." "Why? For telling a picture you loved her brother?" She couldn't answer him, she felt him push a stray strand of hair behind her ear before pushing her chin up with his finger. Soft hazel eyes, dimmed with the pain of time, bore into crystal blue ones, skimmed over with the first mist of tears. His hand came up to caress her face, a gesture she knew so well from when her father had died. A gesture so uncharacteristic of him, of a friend, but a touch that remained with her. "Dana I have a lot going through my head at the moment." He stopped and laughed. "When don't I?" She smiled back at him. "I have a lot to work through, to make sense of. When I left the office I thought I could do this on my own. But I couldn't. I've been on my own too long now. I've put everything on hold for the day when Samantha came home." He swallowed and bit his bottom lip. "You've sacrificed so much Mulder." Her hand was resting on his arm, she squeezed it gently. "So have you Dana. Much more than I ever expected, or wanted. You've given me more than any other living person and you deserve better than me." He held up a hand to silence her. "Let me finish. I don't know if I want to go back to the FBI, if I want to find out THE TRUTH anymore. Sam's 'death' shook me more than I expected. It shook my faith in everything, especially in myself. What I never realised until today was your immense faith in me." "I never gave up on you Mulder." "I know. I don't deserve that. I'm pigheaded, arrogant, stubborn, all those things you've been wanting to call me for years but that you've hidden behind those looks of yours." She smiled up at him now, and then began to laugh. "What? What's so funny?" "Me. I'm sitting here and for the first time I've realised that I'm more scared of losing you than I am of you rejecting me." "Funny. That's exactly what I was thinking." "Good." "Dana I can't promise that I'll get over all this by next week, if I ever do, but I am prepared to move forward on one condition." "What's that Mulder." She smiled radiantly at him. "That you're there by my side. Every step of the way." She took both of his hands in hers and lightly kissed his fingertips, before diving into the hazel pools that made her feel so warm and safe. "You know, I was just thinking of a song I heard on the radio today." He cocked his head to one side in a silent question. "I can take all the madness the world has to give. But I can't take a day without you." "Doctor Scully?" "Yes Mr Mulder?" "We have some demons to cast out." "And some time to make up." Slowly he took her face in his hands and gently delicately brushed his lips against hers, so delicately. The demons were all but forgotten, and as for time, well it stood still, for just a moment. THE END "A beautiful and ineffectual angel, beating in the void his luminous wings in vain." From 'Shelley' by Matthew Arnold Doesn't that just sum up Mulder's quest beautifully? Thank you for reading thus far. Any comments to Yvonne_Richards@msn.com