Discaimler: Mulder and Scully belong to 1013 and Chris Carter. I'm just 
	borrowing them, I promise I won't break them, and I'll put them
	back when I'm done.
Title: Only In My Dreams
Category: MSR, Christmas Story
Rating: PG 
Thanks to: Thanks to Mark, for putting up with me for over 2 years. 
	   I love you and Merry Christmas!
And now, on with the show...

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"Only In My Dreams"
By Starflake
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	"I hate Christmas." I  muttered under my breath through my 
chapped lips. Alright, so I didn't really hate Christmas, just 
certain memories associated with this time of year. 
	 Emily.
	As I walked out of the J. Edgar Hoover building and into a
 blinding flury of snow, I thought about last Christmas.  I 
remembered how my partner had dragged me to a "haunted house" on
Christmas Eve and all the mayhem that ensued. My mind skipped over
the details of the night and settled on the warm rememberance of 
early Christmas morning.  I thought about the slow smile that had 
worked its way across Mulder's face when I gave him my present. I 
never would have told him, but his smile was the only gift I wanted.
       	I smiled now thinking about it.
	I unlocked the door to my car and tiredly flopped into the 
driver's seat.  I turned the key and noticed the Apollo key chain 
dangling from my otherwise bare key ring. Another smile. 
	I let my mind wander across the many other gifts he had given 
me.  Ever since our "un-professional" relationship had started, they 
had been coming more and more frequently.  But what I loved was that
they weren't always expensive or traditional. Just little things to 
show that he loved me. Little things like a coffee mug bearing a 
cartoon fox...after he broke mine one morning. Or the bag of all-
natural, non-salted, no preservatives sunflower seeds I found
in the top drawer of my desk with a ribbon around the package.
	Then I glanced at my left hand. Not an engagement ring, he 
said, just a ring. It glittered in the passing lights of the street 
lamps and I moved my finger to catch the light. It's jade stone looked
black in the semi-darkness, but the two diamonds on either side 
glittered as sharply as the day he had given it to me. I had 
jokingly called it my "taken" sign. Now I wondered what he meant by
it.  Was he assuring me of his commitment, or trying to finalize mine?  
Had he known that this would happen?
	"Damn it, Mulder," I whispered to the empty car.
	He had disappeared two days after Thanksgiving. Another one
of his damn mysterious leads, no doubt. I thought that our love
would change him, but apparently, I couldn't have been more wrong. I 
thought that he would settle a little. Not a lot - just enough to 
let me sleep at night.  But I was wrong.  I had looked everywhere, 
checked all of his usual sources, with no luck.  I knew he wasn't dead.
Thank God. I would have felt him go, I would have felt his absence.
	But this was worse.  He was dileberatley staying away from me.
I knew it wasn't as simple as that, but that's what it felt like. 
Something was keeping him away from me, and I had no idea what it was,
or when he was coming home... to me.
	I pulled into my parking lot and cut off the engine. I sat in 
the cooling car for a few minutes, gathering strength to enter my empty
apartment. I glanced at my ring one more time and then stepped out of 
the car.  
	The intensity of the snow storm had lessened, making my trek to
the door easier. I let myself in and headed for the elevator. The 
fans in the elevator blew warm air against my skin and I stared
to think about the converstaions we had over a month ago.
	"I love you, Scully."
	"Trust me."
	"You make me a whole person."
	"You're my one in 5 billion."
	I sank into the wall and let the words rush through my head. I
even missed the little things, and the things that annoyed me so much.
Like the way he always placed his hand on my back, or waking up next to 
him and just drinking him in until he awoke.  Even the way he always
burned breakfast when he insisted on cooking and how I was constantly
finding sunflower seed shells all over the apartment.
	I could feel hot tears welling up in my eyes, and I choked them 
back as I walked out of the elevator. I just wanted to see him. I 
wouldn't even yell at him about leaving me. I just wanted to know that
he was safe. I wanted to wake up next to him on Christmas morning.
I just wanted him here. The tears came back and I didn't bother to 
hide them this time. 
	I fumbled for my keys in my pocket and finally managed to fit 
one into the lock and open the door. I slouched into my apartment and
dropped my purse on the couch.  As I was hanging up my coat, I noticed 
the blinking light on the answering maching. I made a half-hearted
attempt at brushing the tears off my face and then pushed the button.
	"I'll be home for Christmas....You can count on me..."
	The staticy song filled the living room as I stood there 
crying. Damn him again. 
	 I turned around to see him standing in the bedroom door,
unshaven and disheveled. He walked toward me, and I noticed he was 
limping on his left leg. He came to stand in front of me, while I kept
my eyes level with his chest. I couldn't look him in the eyes,  I 
couldn't let him see how much I missed him or that I wasn't angry at
him.
	"I love you," He whispered. "I'm sorry."
	 I had to meet his eyes as he wrapped his arms around me,
and I returned the embrace. The song continued to waft through the room
as I cried silently, hugging him as tightly as possible.
	"I'll be home for Christmas...if only in my dreams."


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There you go! Just a little Christmas fluff. Feliz Navidad!
Starflake

starflake82@yahoo.com