Date sent: Fri, 24 Oct 97 22:26:39 UT From: "BRUCE BURDA" Subject: I have another one for ya!! Title~ Heaven Authors~ Kailee and Kyrie White Rating~ PG Spoilers~ A little Momento Mori and One Breath Keywords~ Mulder/Scully romance Disclaimer~ Ok, these characters really don't belong to us, although we wish they did. They belong to Chris Carter, 10-13 Productions and the Fox network. We are only borrowing them and will return them shortly, we promise. We wouldn't want Chris Carter to get mad at us now would we. Actually... Ok, we won't even get into that one. Send all comments to burda@msn.com Thanks for reading. Here goes nothing!!! "Heaven" Part one: Realizations "Scully, let me drive you home." "Oh, come on Mulder, I'm fine, I can drive myself.I'm O.K. really." For Mulder, a small drive home alone was not what he needed.although it was Scully who was being discharged from the hospital that night. "I'd just feel better if you didn't drive. C'mon, we'll come pick up your car in the morning. What you need now is a decent night's rest in your own bed, away from nurses that come in and harass you every two hours." "I guess you're right," said Scully. Mulder then placed his arm around her shoulder to escort her to his car. As they walked, he had no idea what to say for fear of upsetting her. They got in the car and already Mulder could see that she was extremely tired. He drove Scully to her apartment and as he pulled up into her driveway, he took one glance over at her and realized how much it would hurt to lose her. Why did she have to get the cancer? Why Scully? It should have been me. She shouldn't have to go through this. He got out and opened her door. She stirred and finally opened her eyes. " Mulder? Where are we?" " We're at your apartment. C'mon. Lets go." " O.K. " Scully replied sleepily as she reluctantly got out of Mulder's car. He could tell by her walk that she would get a lot of sleep that night. Scully dug her keys out of her purse and gave them to Mulder. She could barely see straight let alone open her own door. She was so dizzy. Maybe it was the effects of the drugs wearing off. Oh well, she thought. Mulder opened her door and helped her in. " Do you need anything? I could stay if you want.." Mulder offered. " No, I think I'm fine, but thanks." " OK, then I'll see you in the morning. I'll pick you up at 8:00 so we can go get your car, OK?" " That's fine, I'll see you then. Goodnight, Mulder." " Goodnight, Scully". Mulder made sure that she locked her door, then walked to his car. Before getting in, he looked at her apartment window and got the strangest feeling that something was going to happen. He got those kinds of feelings all of the time and nothing ever happened, so he ignored it, got into his car, and drove off. As he was driving, the intuition hit him again. He pushed it out of his mind and thought about Scully. He didn't know what he would do without her. Her cancer was inoperable, so the doctor said. Ever since they found out that she had cancer, their relationship both professionally and personally had been strained. It shouldn't have been her. She is so small and frail and she can't take it. Look what it is doing to her. She has been in and out of hospitals the past few months. The doctors won't acknowledge it, but her condition is getting worse, or so he thought. He started going through the thousands of memories that he had collected. Through their times together, he came rely on her more than anyone else. He realized, after their years working together, how much he needed her. They had been connected from the moment that he had answered her knock on his door " Nobody here but the F.B.I's most unwanted". They were a part of each other. However, because of his stupidity, he had refused to believe in his feelings for her. Until now that is. * * * The next morning, Mulder got the same feeling as last night, but this time it was 10 times as strong. He started to wonder if it wasn't just an instinct. He picked up the phone and dialed Scully's number, but hung up for fear he'd wake her. It was, after all, only 5:30. He drove to her apartment as the feeling intensified. He suddenly feared something was very wrong. He sped up into her driveway. Running out of his car, he dashed to Scully's apartment door and knocked several times. When no one answered, he ran down 3 flights of stairs to get the manager's spare key. Sprinting to her door, Mulder became even more afraid. He unlocked her door and called out her name. " Scully!" When he received no answer, he searched madly. Dashing around like a madman, he found her on her bathroom floor, in her robe, unconscious. It looked like she was getting ready to shower, because her shower was on and the room was filled with steam. " SCULLY!" He cursed at himself for leaving her alone last night. Frantically, he scooped her up and called 911. Realizing it would be too long before they arrived, he hung up and ran out to his car. Gently placing her beside him, he drove to the hospital, exceeding the speed limit by at least 30 miles per hour. He realized that he was putting both their lives at risk, but he didn't care. He was just trying to get to the hospital as fast as he could. He had no idea how long she had been out and why she was unconscious, but he had a pretty good idea. Minutes later Mulder found himself in the lobby of the hospital, pacing back and forth impatiently. A few minutes later, a doctor came out to speak with him. "Mr. Mulder?" "Yes? How is she?" " Dana is resting comfortably now," said the doctor, "Her tumor swelled to the point that the pressure in the frontal plate area became so great that it made her black out, or become unconscious". "Can I see her?" "Are you family?" "Umm...?" Mulder contemplated whether or not to tell the truth. He really wanted to make sure she was OK. "She is my wife." "Well, then you can go in now, but she hasn't regained consciousness yet." "Will she be able to hear me?" "Maybe, it's hard to say." * * * Mulder had been sitting outside her room in a cheap plastic chair for about an hour before he got news from the nurse that she may be waking up. Now, sitting at her side with her hand in his, he spoke softly the words of his heart, unbeknownst to him that she could hear him. He started praying which he hadn't done or felt the need to do in a long time. At first the words were just in his head, but after a while, he found himself repeating them out loud. "Oh God!! Why did it have to happen this way? She has so much more to give to this world and she isn't ready to go. I'm not ready to let her go. I need her so much. She and I work so well together. I haven't worked with anyone like her. Ever. She has a passion for truth and logic no one else has. She shouldn't be made to suffer. She shouldn't have to die. I never admitted to myself how I feel about her. I've been hiding it for so long that it just became routine. If she dies, she will die not knowing that I care for her not only as an associate, a friend, but as more than that. If she dies, she takes my heart with her." As he spoke his touching words, he felt a small hand stir beneath his own. * * * Part 2 of Heaven: Always By Your Side Scully was walking down a long corridor. It seemed to go on forever. For some reason, she started to run. She saw a light at the end and couldn't resist following it. The light was so beautiful and enchanting, a light she had always dreamed of. Now, here she was, looking at it, absorbing the warmth that enveloped her, penetrating from the light. Just then, she heard a voice, yet she couldn't put a face to it. She couldn't even make out what the person was saying, but all she could feel was the love in the sound of the voice and how wonderful it made her feel. It was so soft and yet powered by emotion. It surrounded her and was absorbed into her soul. She stopped running for a moment to enjoy the feeling and the tone the voice projected. Then the light became brighter and she started to glide towards it. Then, for no apparent reason, the light disappeared and she started falling backwards down a long and what seemed like a never-ending canyon. Mulder looked over at Scully. She was stirring out of unconsciousness and woke up, in a sweat and called out his name. Mulder wide-eyed and tear streaked turned his head and saw Scully slowly opening her eyes. "Mulder?!" "I'm here, Scully." "Where am I?" "You are in the hospital. Your tumor swelled and it caused you to black out." She seemed oblivious to her surroundings, much less to the tears streaming down Mulder's face. Once he had wiped his tears, he stood up and smiled at her. She smiled back and then she too started to cry. Mulder knelt down beside her and clutched her hand against his chest. Slowly, trying to sit up, Scully gave Mulder a hug and continued to cry. " Oh, Scully", Mulder forced out between sobs, "I shouldn't have let you stay alone in your condition. I feel responsible for it all." " It isn't your fault. I should have told you that I was feeling dizzy when we got home. I thought it was just the effects of the drugs wearing off." "Yeah, but I still should have waited longer with you or came by earlier in the morning or something." Mulder trailed off. He was at a loss for words. " It's OK Mulder, just keep holding me." Then, remembering the strange dream she had, she decided to tell Mulder about it. "You would never believe the dream I had. I was walking down a long corridor and there was this light and..." "It's OK. Scully, just rest now." Mulder sighed. This felt too good. He wanted to tell her right then that he loved her, but it wasn't the time. She might think he was just saying that because she was dying. She drifted in and out of sleep for the next couple of hours, and every time that she woke up, Mulder was there, holding her hand. One time, she woke up, and Mulder's head was lying in her lap. He had fallen asleep. She wondered how long he had been lying there. She stroked his head and she noticed that Mulder looked like a little boy when he slept. His natural smirk was there, his bottom lip protruding out under the other. She never really thought about it much, but she found him attractive. His good looks and his dark brown hair had always been there, she was just blind to them, for she had thought of him as a work partner for years, though the thought of him being more had crossed her mind once or twice. She never thought that he felt the same way, so she made herself believe he never would. Nevertheless, because of her condition, her feelings revealed themselves again. * * * Mulder woke up the next morning. His head still in her lap and her hand enclosed in his. He glanced at Scully. She was asleep. He wondered for how long. For once, he took the opportunity to stare at her without her knowing. Her auburn-red hair lay graciously across her face, as if placed there by an angel. She looked so peaceful and yet, so helpless. God, she was beautiful. Why did he wait so long to figure it out? He really cared for her, and he had to figure it out just when it was almost too late, didn't he. He tried to forget it all and concentrate on helping Scully get better. He stood up and checked the heart monitor before he decided to go to the cafeteria and go get some coffee. He checked himself in the mirror, though he could care less. He looked like he hadn't slept much and hadn't shaved in who knows how long. On his way back from the cafeteria, coffee in hand, he heard Scully's doctor paged for an emergency in ICU. Worried, again with the same gut- wrenching feeling as before, he threw his coffee and rushed to her room. There he found 5 nurses and her doctor scrambling around with terror in their eyes. He knew she had taken a turn for the worse. He entered the room only to be ushered out by and attendant. He watched through her window as his tears fell. They rushed Scully out to ER and he only could sit out in the waiting room and wait. * * * "Your wife's tumor swelled again, Mr. Mulder. In the process, it blocked her optical nerves and the pressure inside her head became more intense, causing her to black out. We are trying to locate a brain surgeon from Russia that specializes in cancerous tumors in the brain. He will be difficult to find, but our sources in Europe have made progress on his whereabouts." "If the FBI is able to assist your search for Doctor...what is his name again?" "Oh, umm...Anichov. Dr. Anichov. He's he's been vacationing in the Swiss Alps for quite some time now, but we feel that we can locate him very soon," the doctor said. "Oh, anyways, if we can assist your search in any way possible, I'll personally see that you get the help you need. From here of course." "That would be great. I'll give you the numbers to our team over in Europe. We need to find him as soon as possible, because your wife is getting worse. We were able to reduce the swelling, but it might not be enough. The tumor is inoperable by our surgeons, but Dr. Anichov might be able to do something for her," the doctor said. "Can I see her now?" Mulder asked. The doctor nodded and he entered her room. Just the sight of her lying there with tubes and needles poking her, he felt nauseated. She was still unconscious, but he believed that she could fell his presence. He stepped away and called some friends in the bureau and informed them of the situation and set up a search. After he called, he sat beside her and sighed. He found himself falling asleep with her hand entwined with his. About an hour later, Mulder woke up and lifted his head to glance at his watch and then at her. He turned to see the doctor standing in the doorway. "How long until she's out of the woods?" "Longer than last time, but I really can't be specific. I have good news. With the help of the FBI, we were able to locate Dr. Anichov and is presently on the way to the hospital by plane. He thinks he might be able to help her." "That's great, doctor." He grabbed his cell phone and decided to call Skinner. He would want to know how she was doing. * * * Mulder hung up the phone. Skinner was worried, so Mulder told him that he would call if Scully's condition changed. Skinner gave him as much time as he needed to make sure that Scully got well. Well enough to come back to work, that is. Mulder saw the doctor walk by in the hallway, so he went out to talk to him. The Russian doctor would be arriving within a couple of hours. Scully hadn't regained consciousness, but she could soon. Mulder started to go down to the cafeteria to get something to eat, but remembering what happened last time, he decided to stay. He knew he was putting his health on the line, but he didn't care. She moved in her hospital bed, but didn't open her eyes. She must be dreaming, he thought. Then, like a scene from a movie, he felt her hand squeeze his. He looked over at her who was looking back at him. "Mulder?" "Welcome back!" "How long have I been out?" "You've been out for the last 2 days. The doctor says..." Mulder trailed off, for fear of what he was about to say would make her worse. "What were you going to say, Mulder?" "The doctor says that something must be done soon, as in the next 24 hours or so, or..." he said in his low, sandpapery voice. "Or what, Mulder? I'll die?" Scully asked, the tone piercing his heart like never before. "Yeah." Mulder said hesitantly. He let go of her hand and turned his back, trying to hide his feelings. As Scully realized the intensity of Mulder's words, she started to cry once more. Feeling her heart swell up inside of her until she was sure it would burst, all she could do was yearn to utter his name. Before he could face her again, Mulder whispered under his breath, "But there's more, Dana". Suddenly realizing what he had just called her, she forced back a laugh. He had called her by her first name before, but only in serious situations. She became worried. "What... what else is there?" "It's good news, but it might turn out to be useless." "Will you just tell me?" "OK, your doctor has found someone who may be able to help you. His name is Dr. Anichov, and he is a specialist in cases like yours. He hasn't performed surgery in a few years, but he is willing to come and try. The risk is great, but he feels that he might be successful. He is on his way to the hospital right now. He should be here in about a half an hour. You need to decide whether or not you want him to perform surgery, but you need to decide soon." Scully's spirits were lifted for a moment, but she knew she couldn't get her hopes up, because the doctor might not even be able to do anything for her. She didn't know what to say or do. It was a tough decision. Her life would be in danger either way. "Can I be alone for a while? I need some time to think about this. OK, Mulder?" "I'll be outside of you need me." Mulder reluctantly agreed, even though he didn't want to leave her alone. Mulder sat out in the hall pondering his own thoughts. Then, the doctor came up to him with an agonizing look on his face that can only be described as grotesque. "Mr. Mulder, I'm afraid I have some bad news for you and your wife. Can we talk inside?" "She is considering the surgery and wanted to be alone to think about it. Why, what is the matter?" "It's Dr. Anichov. His plane's engines died in midair and caused the plane to crash in the middle of nowhere. We have rescue teams on the crash site, but so far, we have only been able to recover his notes that were sealed in his metal briefcase. We can only assume the worst for Dr. Anichov." A wave of nausea engulfed him quite similar to the one he felt when he discovered Scully on her bathroom floor. "But we can use his technology and possibly save your wife. The notes are being rushed here at the moment and our best brain surgeons will be arriving in a matter of minutes. If your wife decides to go through with the surgery, she must be aware that the risks are increased because none of our surgeons have performed this type of surgery. We will be ready to go within the hour." Mulder left the doctor in the hall and went to see Scully. She looked deep in thought and he didn't want to disturb her, but he felt that this was important. "Scully?" "I've made up my mind, Mulder. I want..." "Before you say anything, I need to tell you something." Scully paused and Mulder continued. "The doctor's plane from Russia went down about 15 minutes ago. They were able to recover his notes, but so far, they haven't been able to locate him." "Oh my gosh..." Scully started. "But there is good news, if you want to call it good. The notes are being sent here right now and will be here shortly. The best brain surgeons are here now and they think that within an hour or so of studying his notes, they will be able to perform the surgery themselves. Of course the risks are greater because of lack of experience. The decision is yours, Scully." As Mulder finished talking, he hoped to God that she would say yes. She had a better chance of surviving the surgery than not going through with it at all. "Scully? What are you thinking?" Before you answer me, I feel like I need to tell you what I think. I think you should do it. You have a better chance of surviving the surgery than not doing it at all. You need to understand that. If you don't go ahead with it, Not only will you die without fighting, not even trying, but you'll die without knowing..." Mulder restrained himself from finishing that sentence. "Without knowing what?" Scully asked. "Never mind. It doesn't matter. I don't want to lose the best partner that I ever had, Dana." He called her by her first name again. She was beginning to like it, but it felt strange. "I know. I don't want to die. That is why I've decided to go through with it Mulder. I don't want to lose you either." With that she hugged him and held him close until the doctor came in the room. "Have you decided yet, Mrs. Mulder?" Scully smiled at Mulder and blushed. "Yes, I think we have. I'm going to do it." "Great. I will tell the surgeons. You'd better get ready." "Thanks, doctor. I will." The doctor left, leaving them alone again. Scully started to laugh. "Mrs. Mulder?" "Oh that. When I brought you in, they wouldn't let me see you unless I was family, so..." "So you told them I was your wife so you could come see me." "Yeah, basically. You don't mind?" "No, I don't mind. I didn't even get a chance to thank you for finding me when you did. If It weren't for you, I'd probably be..." She couldn't even bring herself to say it. "It's OK, Scully. You would have done the same for me, I hope." "You know I would have. Any day." "I know." Scully hugged him again. He wanted to stay that way forever, but he knew that he couldn't. Mulder loved how he felt when they were touching or even close together. Lately, it sent shivers down his spine. It was such a new feeling. He kissed her cheek gently. She looked at him, tubes and all, and smiled. She pressed her head against his chest and listened to the sound of his heart beat. It was so tranquil and powerful at the same time. She wished that moment could last forever, but it couldn't, especially when the nurse came in and said, "It's time to go, Mrs. Mulder." All they could do was laugh and hug again. "I'll be waiting for you when you wake up." "Hopefully so will I." * * * Part Three: Power of Love Mulder waited impatiently for the doctor to come out. he had been pacing for the last 4 hours. The carpet had begun to weather from his constant and continuous motions. Finally, the doctor emerged, sweat dripping off his brow. "Mr. Mulder..." Mulder rushed to his side. "How is she? Is she all right? How did the surgery go?" "Slow down, Mr. Mulder, one question at a time. Your wife right now is resting. She is in a coma, but that was expected. She should regain consciousness within the next few hours if everything is OK and there is no residual damage. The surgery was long and there was a few complications, but nothing to worry about. The only thing we can do is pray." "Can I see her?" "Sure." He went in to see her, and he barely recognized the woman in the bed. Her head was covered in bandages, but he saw her auburn hair sticking out the bottom. The doctors didn't have to shave her hair. They just made an incision and it wouldn't even be seen. That's what they said, anyways. He sat down beside her again in the uncomfortable chair. He was afraid to touch her. He focused on all of the good times they have had together, and found himself getting sleepy... He awoke when the nurse shook him. "Is she awake? How is she?" "No sir, I'm sorry. If everything turned out all right, she should have come out of the coma an hour ago." "Oh..." The nurse left him alone with her and the only thing running through his mind is what will happen to her? He started to cry. He enclosed his hand within hers and laid his head in her lap. Scully was going faster towards the light again. This time it was brighter and she was running faster. There was an ominous glow surrounding her entire body. then she heard that voice again. This time she could make out what he was saying. "Oh Scully. Don't leave me. I need you. I don't know how I would be able to live without you. I don't even want to try. Please come back to me, please." Once again, the glow disappeared around her and she fell down the same dark, never-ending hole, only this time, she fell longer that before. It seemed like she would never reach the bottom. Mulder looked up and saw her head move. "Mulder?" Scully's voice was weak and course, but it was her voice the same. "Scully!! You are OK!! I don't believe this. I thought you wouldn't be coming back to me!" The two embraced each other for longer than they had ever held each other before. "I beat it Mulder. I did. It was because of you. I was walking down the long hall way again, and I saw the light and that same strange glow. I heard a voice. It wasn't until moments ago that I realized that it was you. I could hear you talking to me. I could understand what you were saying. It was because of you that I had the strength to come back. I fought it and I won. Because of you." Scully said. Although he couldn't see her face, he could swear she was smiling. "You heard me? Then that means..." "I know Mulder. I love you too. I always have. I hope you knew that." "I think that I did, but was too foolish to put the pieced together. Do you know what?" "What?" "If it weren't for those bandages, I would kiss you right now." "If it weren't for my bandages, I'd let you." Mulder smiled his trademark grin. * * * The doctor removed the bandages and Mulder closed his eyes, wondering if there would be any visible scars. He really didn't care. "Mulder?" He opened them. She looked beautiful. She always did. She had more color in her cheeks than the last time he saw her. He smiled and leaned over and kissed her. She returned the kiss with a passion like she had never kissed anyone. They had become one. * * * "Ready to go home, Scully?" "Only if we can go to your house. Last time we left here, it turned into a nightmare." "Not all of it, I hope." Scully smiled. It wasn't a nightmare, just a bad dream that was finally over. Mulder went over to the doctors to thank them. "You all were great. We can't thank you enough." "It was our pleasure. I'm just glad that everything turned out all right." "So are we." Mulder said, placing his arm around Scully. "One more thing, doctor." "Oh? What's that?" "She's not my wife." * * * That's all. Send all comments to burda@msn.com