'ROMANTIC'
                                        
                                        by
                                Mariacomet


Part: 4/4

Summary:  After her cancer goes into remission, Scully begins to
question the direction of her life. Mulder confronts his feelings as
she turns to another man. The partners conduct a 'romantic' experiment
and realize that the answer to Scully's restlessness may not be
farther than her best friend.

Thanks:  Huge, gigantic thanks to the two Vickies. One who is a fine writer
in her own right, even if she does write Mulder/other stories. (sticking my
tongue out) And the other the Australian queen of story line support
(Special 'hi' to Kav.)  To everyone who wrote in saying 'okay, where's the
rest?' - I couldn't have been paid a deeper compliment. And ESPECIALLY to
Mary - Okay, okay...I'm done now. (wink) ALSO gotta throw in a standing
ovation for Michelle and Nikki who wade through my junk and make the
grammar and spelling look like this wasn't written by a five year old.

FEEDBACK:  See the end....

Archive: Yes. Sure. Fine. Whatever. (Very big grin)

Rating: NC-17. WARNING. GRAPHIC, LOVING SEX BETWEEN ADULTS AHEAD. (In
Caps, even) Let me make that perfectly clear. WARNING. GRAPHIC, LOVING
SEX BETWEEN ADULTS AHEAD. This is rated NC-17. 

To that end, by the way, I can only say that this is my first attempt at
writing anything NC-17. I can only hope: 1. That I didn't flub too terribly
and  2: My mother NEVER reads this. (I can hear it now..."I carried you in
my womb for nine months and THIS...THIS is how you repay me.") Sorry mom.

Category: MSR. If your a non-shipper, re-read the title and run for your
life. :) No, seriously. 

Timeline: Spoilers for Detour and Post Prometheus. Basically this continues
after those episodes as if Christmas Carol never happened. 



Disclaimer: See part 1. I have to note here that "Tub Thumping," a song
from which I quote from isn't mine. Also 'House of the Dead.' Not mine.
Rights aren't mine, etc, etc. 


*****Warning. Warning. Warning. IF YOU'RE NOT ABOVE THE AGE OF 18, turn
back now. Did I mention this part contains.... GRAPHIC LOVING SEX BETWEEN
ADULTS AHEAD.******







(Part 4)



The three "Scrabble" block letters Mulder had laid across Scully's kitchen
table didn't make any sense. An 'F' and an 'A' and a 'W.' FAW. Scully
looked from the small wooden chips to her partner then back again. When
he'd first started unveiling the letters she had thought that it would be
his initials. FWM...The Last letter being an "A," had
thrown her. Mulder had assured her that the letters were not the initials
of anything or any one, nor were the letters some sort of strange anagram.
Well that was good to know, but it didn't tell her exactly what was going
on.  

"Go ahead, " Mulder prompted her again. "Pick one."

He'd arrived just over ten minutes ago. He was dressed slightly more casual
than Scully was. He wore an off-white cotton sweater. It was button down
and collar less. He'd tucked it into his dark slacks. A leather belt was
around his waist, and hanging over everything as usual was the long black
trench coat. It wasn't raining that night. Mulder thanked his lucky stars
for that. Earlier Kasdan had finally shown. With photographs. But for once
he didn't want to think about work. Or talk about it. What he wanted was
exactly what he had, a chance to have the woman he loved all to himself.
Just for one night.
Mulder was inwardly prickling with nervousness. Excited agitation. It
wasn't an unpleasant feeling, but it did make him a bit more jumpy than
usual. 

Scully was beautiful. He hadn't told her so, but it was the truth. Of
course, it always had been the truth. When she was angry. Or asleep. Or in
a lab coat with a scalpel in one hand. Or standing there looking at him as
if he was out of his mind. 

"Go on," He urged again, nudging her toward the letters.

"Are you going to tell me the significance of this choice?"

"Each letter represents a possible destination. We will visit all of them
tonight. You're deciding the order in which we go."

"But I'm not allowed to know what these places are?" She queried.

Hell, he was trying to be mysterious here. She wasn't helping. The letters
had been a flash of inspiration that had come to him just as he was on his
way to get her. "Scully." He groaned,  in a voice telling her that he
needed her to play along.

She sighed softly relenting and let her small fingers push around the
letters a moment before selecting the 'A.'


<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Arcade.

The room was filled with machines, children and noise. Lots of noise. Lots
of children. Not small cute little boys and girls, who had a tendency to
cry, but otherwise were redeeming in many other ways, but teenagers. It
wasn't that Scully had anything against teens, it was just that she hadn't
thought to spend a night surrounded by them. Mulder looked utterly content.
He had taken her hand in his and was now guiding her through the crowd.

They were in an arcade. A two story pinnacle of digitized technology and
sound. "What are we doing here?" She had to speak in a voice slightly
louder than her normal one to beat back the noise.

Mulder swiveled his head over his shoulder. "I've just always been curious
about something." Finally they came to a large monitor that was as big as a
wide screen t.v. Before the monitor was a stand which held a slot to place
quarters in and two holsters. In each holster was a plastic gun, weighed
and fashioned to be the right size, but one a
bright color orange and the other a light colored blue. The whole apparatus
was a shooting game called "House of the Dead." Scully watched the demo for
the game run. Trying to navigate through a house full of strange
zombie-like creatures seemed to be the object. 

She turned to her best friend. "Your kidding."

He gave a grin. "I realize that on marksmanship testing you have constantly
ranked above me. But those aren't true to life conditions."
  
"And this is?" She raised her brows. "Duck Hunt meets Night of the Living
Dead?"

Mulder pumping quarters in the machine, his eyes staying firmly on hers. A
good humored contest was being offered in the gaze. A challenge. Scully had
never been one to walk away from a challenge. With a deft move she
unbuttoned the two buttons of her jacket, making herself more comfortable.
Scully set her purse at her feet and drew
the blue gun from it's resting place. A smirk played at the corners of her
mouth. "You're on."

There was no search for deeper questions. Not here. Not now. No worrying
about the future. No real sense of time at all. Right now, it was just she
and Mulder. A caring and sense of joy burning between them that they only
seemed to find in one another. In the background, as if the place wasn't
loud enough[,] a song by a popular band had begun
to play,

**I get knocked down, but I get up again.** 
**No your never gonna keep me down.** 
**I get knocked down, but I get up again.** 
**No your never gonna keep me down.**

Mulder unholstered the orange gun keeping her stare for just one more
moment before hitting the 'start' button. Both of them took their stance
and waited. With the first shot Scully realized that the plastic weapon had
been set up with a slight recoil. She hadn't
expected that and it took her a moment to adjust.

"Realistic." She noted.

"I think the bureau should make these gun colors the standard." He teased.
If it had been people Scully was firing at, even in a game, she might have
hesitated. After all she'd seen, even simulations could bring a rush of
adrenaline to her. Yet this was nothing like reality. There was not attempt
at it, save the way the guns felt. It was as if
she'd stepped into one of the  low budget horror films she  as so fond of
and was playing the heroine. Five minutes into the game, Scully realized
that just like in real life, Mulder had a tendency to be slightly bossy and
overprotective.

"Watch the bushes, Scully. On your flank. Careful." Scully ignored him.
Mulder was just being Mulder. Irritating and endearing all at the same time. 

She corrected him once or twice. "Mulder? I have done this before."

But two minutes later he'd be calling out warnings again. This fell into
the category of their banter and they both knew it. The mock irritation
from her and his attitude of over concern. He knew she could hold her own,
and she knew that he partly got a kick out of
annoying her as they played on. As in real life, they worked well together.
They kept flickering their attention from themselves to see how the other
was doing and the result made them less susceptible to digital harm.   

Each time they came across a field of mutants and destroyed all of them
Scully would call out. "Clear."

Mulder would check the screen for himself and then agree. "Clear."

At the end of each stage, the statistics rose. Consistently Scully was the
more accurate shot. But according to the time, Mulder was faster. They
fought two machine gun marauders at the end of level two. 

"Clear." Mulder said when he'd finished off his opponent.

A moment later Scully had dispatched her zombie as well. "Clear."

Two hours later they had beat the game. They did so by the skin of their
teeth, but victory was still victory. Each of them had started with three
lives. Both ended the game with only one. It seemed that when ever one of
them was killed, the other soon followed. The first time Mulder went down
first. The second time it was Scully.

They both put away the plastic weapons and waited for the final statistics.
Mulder scored an 87.2 accuracy rating. Scully's skill set was 93.6. On the
other hand Mulder was about one full second faster than Scully was when it
came to firing his gun. 

"Mulder, what's the use of speed when you don't hit what you fire at?"
Scully pointed out.


"What's the use of accuracy when you're already dead?" Mulder answered back
with a smile. 

Her cell-phone rang out. Once and then again. Mulder pursed his lips and
turned away, with a look of trepidation. Scully answered by simply saying
her name. As usual. She had tensed and notably relaxed a moment later.
"Hello Aaron." She listened for a few moments as Mulder waiting. "I'm
afraid tonight's not good for me."

"You just got called in to work. A relative came in from out of town."
Mulder whispered lowly. She gave him a glare meant to be stern, but somehow
her own amusement dulled it. "You need to rearrange your sock drawer. Your
not feeling well. You have to go visit a sick friend." Mulder relayed all
the excuses he could think of, with a mischievous grin. 

Scully ignored him, moving a few paces away. "I have plans with Mulder."
His brows rose. He hadn't expected the admission. Not that they had
anything to hide. It was just the calm, no nonsense way she said it. "Yes,
Mulder." She confirmed. "Well, right now we're at an arcade." She moved yet
another step away from her date. "I don't know. He hasn't told me." A
pause. "Me too. I'll see you soon." Dana returned to Mulder's side,
slipping the phone back into her purse. Mulder fought the surge of ego that
was swelling over him. He managed not to say a word, but that was about
all.  Scully gave him a long disapproving look. "Stop looking so pleased
with yourself."

He shrugged, but couldn't keep the grin from his face. Mulder reached into
his trench coat and pulled out the two remaining letters. He held them in
his palm before her, giving no clue as to which she should pick. She
studied him a moment and then her index finger and thumb lifted up the "W."  

Mulder closed the remaining letter in his fist and slipped it back into his
pocket. Then he held out his hand to her. Slowly their fingers twined
together and they moved toward the exit.



 
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
   

The sign on above the front door of the small house proclaimed "Madame
Ebur, Professional Psychic - Knows all." Scully read and arched an eyebrow
at her partner.

"Mulder, tell me your not trying contact with Elvis again."

He bristled slightly at the joke. They were still holding hands and he
didn't pull away. She took that as a sign that she hadn't truly offended
him. "Despite my lack of endeavors in the field of dating - I am aware that
historically - a gift is considered a good idea."

Scully couldn't help the grin that curled her full mouth." Did you answer
my question?"

"Madame Ebur reads palms for 25 dollars a reading." He relayed his pleasant
demeanor undampened again. "For ten,  she'll answer one question involving
you deepest wish and the future."

Suddenly Scully understood. 'W.' Wish.

Some men gave jewelry. Some brought roses. Mulder gave her football tapes,
drowning flowers and wishes. He'd always been a man of extremes. Mulder's
idea of commitment was to offer his life for hers. To be willing to trade
his sister for his captured partner. It was also to almost offer his soul
when he believed she was dying. Her eyes fell on him, and despite being his
partner for five years, she saw him for the first time.

Inconsiderate? Yes, but when he gave...when he gave he held nothing back.
Obsessive. Yes, but trying to keep her from paying the price for those
demons that clawed at him. Self absorbed. The truth was the larger picture.
In the pursuit of it, he was often uncaring of his safety, and to be honest
sometimes of hers as well. It swept him up in his tide, driving him. Always
threatening to crash him full force into the beach head. 


But not unromantic. Not unsentimental. Not unloving. He'd give up
everything for her, except the search for unknown truths. It was not a
reflection of his lack of feelings. It was simply that to ask him to walk
away from that was to ask him to be someone other than Fox Mulder. It was
so inherently ingrained in him that no separation existed between the two.
Mulder was searcher. One who didn't settle for the label unknown and turn a
blind eye. Most people didn't allow themselves the questions that she and
Mulder dealt with on an every day basis. About the government, death, the
limits of the human mind, the dark boundlessness of the human soul...about
God...about what was beyond this world laying in wait in others. Mulder not
only asked the
question. He demanded the answers.

And who are you Scully, she asked herself. The question was shoved away for
now. Just for now. 

"Mulder," Dana began carefully. "You know I don't believe in this."

Yeah, he did know. They'd had too many cases that claimed to be psychic in
nature for him to be unaware of her thoughts on the subject. He, himself,
was certain that most of the fortunetellers he'd ever been exposed to were
con men and con women. He simply wasn't willing to write the entire idea
off. They stood where they always did. Mulder viewed the world as 'Prove to
me I shouldn't believe.' Scully's ideology argued, 'Prove to me I should.'
Heaven help him though, he loved playing with that line. Enjoyed watching
her scientific nature at work. "People have premonitions all the time." He
pointed out. "From dreams to bad feelings to hunches."  

"Which can be explained for multiple reasons." Scully countered. "Including
everything from the sub conscious mind to indigestion." Mulder didn't
object. "I believe, just as you do, that most of these prestidigitators are
counterfeit. Chances are we'll go in there, and she'll tell you precisely
what you want to hear about whatever you ask her."

"Then why...."

"Because no matter how much or how little you believe in this woman, if she
agrees some part of you will feel reassured. Whether you want to or not.
And with that reassurance, you'll be one step closer to making whatever
wish you hold come true." He cocked his head to one side. "Or at least,
that's the plan." 

"Your saying that belief defines destiny. That by some outside source
coddling a fabrication that I hold, it will make the ideology reality."

"Does it hold comfort for you that other people besides yourself believe in
God?"

"I'm not sure comfort is the right word." She countered, settling her arms
over her chest.

Ah, the skeptic mode. Mulder knew it well. "But if no one else believed? If
no one else was willing to consider the slightest inkling of a God in
heaven? If only a friend defended you, what would make you certain that it
wasn't out of concern, or even indulgence? How would you maintain faith in
an idea that's yours and your alone? How would you continue on?" Mulder
looked down and gave half a smile. "As wild as some of my theories are, I
can't even claim that kind of faith. " Mulder leaned in and rang the
doorbell. 

Not more than ten seconds passed before there was the rattling of locks.
Many locks. "You couldn't have just gotten me a Hallmark?" Scully remarked
apprehensively.

Finally a young busty blonde came to the door and peered out at them
carefully. Scully expected someone older. Someone dressed in a cloak,
hoards of chains, and with a wart on her nose. But this smiling female in
jeans and a low cut black top was a surprise. 

"Hello." Greeted the blonde. No accent, Scully mused. 

Mulder stepped forward. "We're looking for Madame Ebur." He greeted.

He had that stupid grin on his face that he always did when he met up with
someone unexpectedly attractive. 

"It's E. Bur. The sign painter got it wrong. But my friend, he did it for
free so..."

"Did he get the 'knows all' part right?" Scully wondered aloud.

"I'm Fox Mulder. This is Dana Scully." Mulder winced at himself. It had
been a fight not to mention they were F.B.I agents. He
really...really...needed to get out more. Especially with his partner.
Don't start going there pal, Mulder warned himself, you'll get your heart
broken. "We were interested in the Wish offer you made a few weeks ago in
the paper." At times like chasing a serial killer and planning a
date...EXPERIMENT...that his photographic memory was particularly useful.
The experiment he was conducting in tandem with Scully hadn't been a blip
in his mind three weeks ago, but here they
were.

A beaming smile and her gaze swept over the pair. They were being sized up.
"Please come in."

"So have long have you been in the prediction business?" Scully asked.

"In a way, since I was a baby." E. Bur examined Dana's features
steadfastly. "I see we have a disbeliever with us." The fortune teller
turned to Mulder. "But then, you don't entirely believe either. In the
ability perhaps. Not in me." She motioned for them to follow taking them
into a sitting room with a oak and velvet coach. A small coffee table sat
before the couch and in front of it sat a large chair the same deep blue as
the sofa. Several book shelves made of old darkened oak lay at the room's
far corner. An antique brass chandelier hung from the ceiling. The room was
elegant and from another century. It didn't fit the woman they'd come to see. 

Scully noticed as they were entering the room, that their guide had a
slight limp "Please....sit." Made E. Bur said and waved them toward the
couch. "Would you like anything to drink?"

"Nothing for me." Mulder stated and glanced to his partner who also shook
her head. The Madame excused herself, returning with a steaming cup of tea.
She sat across from the partners and sipped at the tea idly for long moment.

"I will tell you a little about me." When the fortune teller began it was
in a quiet steady tone, neither hurried or slow. "My first name is Elaine.
I have been 'in the business' officially since I was eighteen. I am the
first in my family to hold this...line of work." She smiled, checking the
couple before her. They were holding hands but the man's grip was a bit too
tight. They were new at this. And yet the two shared a great familiarity.
Odd. "My father is a construction worker from Ohio and my mother was a
secretary. I've always had a gift. The ability to have flashes...insights,
if you will, into the things
around me. I have learned to interpret these flashes. It is not a true
prediction in the sense I can look at you and know what you will do
tomorrow." She brushed the very idea of that away. "But If you ask me a
question - a nonspecific one - I'll know the direction of your answer. Not
when will you be married, but if will you be. You understand?" She didn't
truly wait for a reply here. She trusted that she'd made herself clear.
"This is my standard speech. It isn't what some people are looking for."

"If you don't mind my asking," Mulder interrupted, leaning forward. "Why
did you choose this particular career?"

"Laziness." Scully remembered another psychic she had once met with a
sudden rush of fondness. He had the same kind of directness,  but he would
have hated to be called a Psychic. "And money. Oh, not from one timers like
you. But there are people who don't make a move without consulting me. Some
that I see on a regular basis." 


The partners exchanged a look. "That kind of responsibility must be quite a
burden." Scully noted.

She shrugged. "It helps pay the bills." Mulder shook his head and produced
his wallet, laying a ten on the coffee table before them.

Another shared gaze between the two agents. Scully was giving him that
'suuucckker' look. Mulder had been called much worse. The Madame frowned.
"Are you the one with the wish?" She addressed the question to Mulder.

"No. She is."

"Then you go over there." Elaine motioned to a corner. "Your energy is
disturbing my focus."

Mulder tilted his head close to his best friend's. "Is this where I say:
nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I'm gonna go eat worms." Scully held
back a laugh and squeezed Mulder's hand as he moved from the couch.  

Elaine left her eyes on the auburn haired doctor, taking in her features.
The Madame stretched her hand to Dana.  "Take my hand." Scully reached
forward with her pale fingers. She fought the urge to glance at Mulder
again. She could hear him milling around uncomfortably in the corner.
Elaine's dark eyes locked with Scully's. Dana felt an odd sensation, as if
she was momentarily bond to this other woman in some tangible way. Her body
began to feel heavier. Her breathing slowed. "Now ask." 

She should have asked something light hearted. Would Mulder ever have any
fashion sense? Would she get a birthday card this year from her brother?
Would she ever get offered another chance to go to the Bahamas? 

Yet what came out was anything but light. It was as if the words were
pushed from her. "Will I find what I'm searching for?"

"You certainly did take the non-specific question part to heart." Even
Mulder had to chuckle at that one. Madame E. Bur shut her eyes and her chin
lifted slightly. "You have already found part of what you seek." She began
slowly.  "The rest will come only in time." Her forehead wrinkled in
concentration and her eyes squeezed shut more tightly. "I see a hand
holding yours into your old age." A frown and then her dark eyes fluttered
open. Confusion lined the Psychic's features. The woman shook her head in
diversion. "With most I see a blackness in the future. A marking of a place
where this life comes to an end." Another shaking of her head. "But not
with you." Seeming to push that aside,
the blonde let her eyes close once again. "You are now at a place where two
roads diverge into a yellow wood before you." Scully knew the words. It was
a quote from Robert Frost's 'The Road Not Taken.' Everyone who'd ever gone
to high school knew that poem. Scully hadn't read it in years. Still, it
wasn't a very original device to use. "You must make your choice."  Elaine
pulled away, dropping Dana's hand and sitting back. "I saw one other image.
It bore signs of great evil. And you were a light. You and a small cross
round your neck." Dana froze. She was wearing the crucifix. She almost
always did. But it was inside her shirt. She wasn't sure how the other
woman knew of its existence. An indention. Had by be an indention. Or it
showed somehow. "The circle of illumination does not hold you alone, but do
not believe that you are not needed." Elaine gave a soft sigh and dropping
her gaze, took up her cup of tea. "That's what I see." She sipped at the
liquid as Scully contemplated her. The room was silent seemed overly still.
Too quiet.  

Suddenly Scully began digging through her purse. Mulder stepped forward.
"What are you looking for?"

"I'm sure I have a ten in here somewhere, Mulder." Scully had a determined
expression on her face.

He had a bad feeling about this. "Why?"

"This was your idea." Almost an accusation. If she had to go through the
grinder, then so did he. 

"It's your gift." Mulder pointed out. 

She finally found the money and set it before her with a flourish. "So I'm
giving your *your* gift."

"Scully." Her partner protested.

His partner matched his tone. "Mulder." 

He gave a smile, one hand on his hip, pushing back his coat slightly. "I
wouldn't know what to ask for." Since when, she wanted to ask her partner,
but the words died away. So much sadness in his eyes, even as he tried to
hold a mask of humor. The boundless pain she read, despite his efforts to
hide it, caused a shock to rippled through her. Scully had known that his
beliefs were shaken but until this moment she hadn't realized the depth of
the cracks he bore. While she was dying, in his effort to bind her to him,
he'd torn his own world apart. Her potential cure had been the hammer which
pounded at him, shattering that which had once driven him. Mulder was a
good solider. Even with
the tide of the war changing, he did not falter.

Who are *you* Scully?

Mulder words came back to her. 'Chances are we'll go in there, and she'll
tell you precisely what you want to hear...no matter how much or how little
you believe in this woman, if she agrees some part of you will feel
reassured. And with that reassurance, you'll be one step closer to making
whatever wish you hold come true.'

"I know what to ask." Scully reached out her hand to him. Mulder
reluctantly moved forward. Scully pulled his hand to Madame E. Bur's. Her
eyes met Elaine's "Will he ever find out what happened to his sister?"

Mulder's shoulder slumped slightly and he gave a soft exhale. "Scully." He
tried to pull away but Scully caught his hand again and brought it back to
the Psychic. Mulder's eyes locked with those of the woman he loved. She let
her gaze tell him that it was okay, reassuring him. A moment later she
stood and started to the corner Mulder had retreated from. Dana listened
rather than watched the next exchange. It suddenly seemed intrusive to be
there. She wanted to afford him some privacy if he required it.

"Ask me." Elaine requested softly. 

"Will I..." A flash of a smile. That was Mulder. Always a joke or a grin.
Always trying to protect those closest to him from his inner struggles.
Never did he invite anyone into his personal battles. Scully had simply
refused to leave his side when those moments came. "Will I find out what
happened to Samantha?"

This time her eyes focused on a point. The glint coming from a brass
ashtray on the table before her. She let hers eyes fall closed as she
breathed in and out trying to grasp a vision. "I see someone you once knew.
 A stranger, yet someone as familiar to you as yourself. You will find her.
OR she will find you. You come to her, holding out your hand.  She does not
see the world as you do. She will leave you. But she will not go far." A
frown crossed her features. "Do not forget who you trust. You will not be
alone when that moment comes." She lay her other hand over his and he
fought to keep his face passive. "I have very rarely encountered such
strength of heart. I see a face never far from your thoughts. Such fear and
yet such passion..." At this she faltered and Mulder tensed almost violently. 

So far the woman was spouting all but gibberish. He had taken very little
in, but now she was treading to close to a fine line. The last thing in the
world he wanted, whether in jest or coincidence, were his feelings for
Scully to be placed in an open forum. 

Madame E.Bur shook her head. "The vision is gone." She let the agent go and
took a steadying breath before once again reaching for her tea.


Scully came toward them. "Thank you for your time." She started to the
entrance to the sitting room, waiting for the others to join her. 


It was a cue that the sessions were over. Mulder rose and moved to follow.
Scully turned her back on him, sure that he was right behind her. Elaine
caught his elbow a moment. "You're being foolish, but your secret is safe.
Knows all, doesn't mean tells all Mr. Mulder." It was all she had time to
say before Scully looked over her shoulder and noticed the lapse of space.
Madame E. Bur walked them to the door and bid them goodnight.

After they were alone again on the stoop, Scully looked to her partner.
Mulder had begun walking toward his car, only half paying attention to what
he was doing, his mind in a daze. "Why didn't you tell me that you'd lost
hope?" She had no right to feel the frustration she did, she was guilty of
the same withholding that he was. She should have realized. And then what?
What would she tell him? Nothing. Scully had no true words of comfort and
yet it bothered her that he hadn't told her. Why couldn't they discuss the
things that mattered? 

He halted and pivoted to her. "I haven't." Mulder insisted. He met her gaze
dead on. "I'm just no longer sure what to hope for." Mulder shook his head
slowly. He wasn't about to let this night become about him and his quest to
find his sister. Scully had meant well  inside. The gesture she'd given had
not been insignificant to him. But for once, he wanted to feel that he was
giving to her instead of taking. He was firm in that resolve. "Tonight is
not about me." He removed a small peg from his pocket. The one with the
'F.' He approached and pressed it in her hand. The glow returned to his
eyes. He slid his arm around her shoulders easily. "One more stop."

Scully hesitated to even breathe, afraid if she did, he might move away and
break the sweet contact. "Where to next, the circus?" He was pushing her
along. She allowed it.

"That doesn't begin with an 'F.'" He answered, deadpan. 


<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


The park was a nice surprise. It was a starry night. No sign of rain or
clouds. Mulder had brought and blanket and had found a spot that was
relatively unlumpy in a field of thick grass. Under one arm he held a small
cooler and in the other was a rather ominous looking brown paper bag. The
cooler held wine and two Styrofoam cups.  He pulled two small red candles
complete with black holders from the bag, and had to search his pockets for
matches. He set up the candles about mid-blanket and then handed her the
pack of matches. 

"You want to do the honors?" His voice sounded unusually loud in the quiet
air. "I'll be right back."

Scully gave him a questioning look, but lit the first candle then the
other. He moved away disappearing farther and farther into the distance,
until he moved down a hill and she could no longer see him at all. Dana
gave a drawn out sign and lay back on the blanket, staring up into the
heavens.  Mulder returned, a domed silver platter balanced in his hand,
fifteen minutes later. He unveiled the lid and she grinned. Pizza.

"Aw, hell, Scully, you know I can't cook." He muttered. A candlelight pizza
dinner - who else but Mulder.

"Tell me this hasn't been sitting in your car this whole time?"

"Frohike just got here with it." Mulder winked. "I hope you appreciate the
effort. It cost me a bullet from the spare clip you keep in your desk." She
gave him a look. Mulder lifted his shoulders in a small shrug. "What can I
say? Frohike's a sick little man."

"Actually, I was wondering what I would have found missing if you'd told
him to bring dessert too."

Mulder smiled. He sat down beside her and handed her the first piece. He
had napkins in a small plastic bag atop the pizza, but no plates.

Looking back it was hard to say what they talked about. Simple things like
college professors. Days at the academy and the moment they knew it wasn't
as easy as they thought it was going to be. They'd talked like this before.
It was familiar. Yet it wasn't. Not at all. There was something decidedly
sexy about Mulder tonight. Maybe it was the way the wind kept blowing the
hair in his eyes. Or the constant half smile that pushed at his mouth. He
made no move to touch her or sit any nearer to her than his side of the
blanket, yet she felt as if he was very close. That any second she could
reach up her hand, tug on his coat lapels and pull him down to her arms.
Taste his breath. Let her hands soak in the warmth of his body, run over
his back and arms. His eyes reflected the candle light back at her. He'd
given her a wish as a gift. He'd given her a smile when she had awoken for
the deepest darkest sleep of her life. Her heart churned with-in her chest.
For him. It was too scary to contemplate. Her and Mulder?

He was the last one in the world to offer her stability. He had less of a
clue about how to live life than she did. His quest was the only thing that
mattered to him. Mulder?! She was out of her mind. It made no sense. Her
partner was damaged goods. Unable to trust. Held captive by his past.
Haunted by the mounds of guilt he seemed to purposefully hang on to. Not
Mulder. It was true that she'd considered it before. But she'd also been
glad it had gone no further than a few - all right, quite a few erotic
fantasies and daydreams. They worked together. She'd reasoned all of this
out. She'd decided that platonic was definitely for the best. Dana hated
confusion. She denied it,
choosing to focus on anything else instead.

"I don't get it." Mulder was on his third piece of pizza, and paused in his
chewing. To explain what she meant, she removed the 'F' from her purse.
"The 'F'. I don't get it."

"The 'F...'" Mulder began and dabbed at his mouth corners. "Refers to the
evening's entertainment." He leaned forward, stretching his upper body over
each candle in turn as he blew them out.   Mulder moved from the blanket,
grabbing the paper bag as he did so. He had his back to her, but she could
hear the rustling of the bag as he removed items from it. Dana moved so
that she was leaning on one elbow, peering at him seriously. A spark from a
match, a soft hiss heading into the night air and suddenly the sky above
them cracked with light. It was like the sky was raining red and gold
sparks just above them. 

'F' She grinned slowly. Fireworks. Mulder shifted so that she could now see
what he was doing. He was on one knee, hovering over an empty Coke bottle.
Inside the bottle was a small rocket and he lit a fresh match, applying it
to the fuse. Another hiss, but this time a whistle as the fireworks
launched themselves. This firecracker made a hum and flashed multicolored
curls over the sky. Dana looked to her partner.  His face was illuminated
in the flashes of light, then went dark. In the wind, his coat billowed
behind him in slow waves, his hair was brushed from his face. 

Mulder withdrew another bottle rocket from the bag. This one was less
complex, launching a string of golden light behind itself as it exploded.
Mulder was looking rather pleased with himself, his eyes slanted to her.
"Want to try one?" He asked quietly.

Dana made her way to his side, sitting on both knees next to him. He gave
her the matches and handed her the bag so she could chose from with-in. 

In a moment they were both looking up from their places beside one another
as the night filled with dancing colors and soft pops. Mulder watched her
as she picked another rocket from the bag. Firelight touched over her and
then the magical glow from the lights artificially illuminating the sky.
Her eyes shone, filled with peace and contentment. It was a simple moment.
Her mouth lifting in a smile as she looked upward. Her knees brushing his.
For the rest of his life, he'd have this. The sight of the woman he loved
bathed in magic, soaking it in with her upturned face. His heart was so
full of his feelings that he thought it would no longer be able to hold
together. Yet it did and he remained silent. Dreaming was fine. As long as
you remembered that it was just a dream when you woke up.

His cell-phone rang breaking the spell. Cursing around Scully was never
really an option. She dealt with it when it happened, still she didn't
really like it and they both knew it. Still at this point Mulder wasn't
sure he cared. "Fuck." He pulled the phone from his jacket and jabbed at
the button that allowed him to answer. "Mulder." Scully sighed. Five
minutes later he hung up, looking enthusiastic. His eyes had a fire of
determination burning in them. She knew that look. He felt a hunt brewing.
"Early scanning and isolation of the pictures Kasdan gave me depict them to
be genuine." Mulder reported.

Scully got the feeling that she'd just lost him for the night. "Mulder, all
those tests can verify is the photograph isn't an overt forgery. Not that
the picture shows anything extraterrestrial."  

He held up his hands, holding off her objections. "I'm not making any
assumptions, except that a United States Senator has been involved in
activities as of late that might bear further investigation."

She looked so weary suddenly. She was humoring him. Heck he was used to
that. But this time it was different, as if the very act was causing her
pain. "I think I should suggest at this time that barging in on a United
States Senator waving around pictures of unknown origin might be
exceedingly detrimental to your career."

"Yeah, but it wouldn't be the first time." He pointed out. It was hard not
to smile when faced with so blatant a truth and Dana couldn't help it.
"Don't you believe his involvement warrants  - at the very least - an
explanation?" 

She allowed the question to tumble over her mind. A moment later her arms
rose to cross over her chest. "I believe that we have no real evidence that
a crime has been committed."

"We have a body."
 
Dana had read the autopsy report days ago at his request. "That was a
victim of crashing into a railing and over a crevice - while exceeding
speeds of 75 miles per hour. Not to mention the inclusion of alcohol."

"You don't have to go." 

She turned to him abruptly, her eyes narrowing. "I never said I wouldn't..."

"I'm admit I'm wondering at your state of readiness to return to the
X-files." Her face hardened. It struck him that he sounded as if he was
questioning her abilities. It hadn't been what he'd meant to say. They were
at the edge of anger again. So quick, this tension that sometimes sprung up
between them. And it wasn't about the job, or Mulder's stubbornness or
Aaron Cope. It was too tightly coiled, too charged with feeling. "I just
want to know what you're thinking."

Dana shook her head. Such a simple request. Yet she couldn't answer him.
"I'll give you my decision by week's end."

"And that's it?" Mulder probed, his gaze stormy on hers.

"Your photos." She reminded.

Mulder was incredulous. He had never treated her THAT insensitively. "I'll
spare a few minutes."

Her chin dropped. She couldn't look at him, not when she regarded any
admission of doubt in the quest they'd made together, a betrayal. She felt
that way and was desperately afraid that he did as well.

WHO are you, Scully? 

*****
End Part 4a


Date: Sun, 08 Mar 1998 20:54:12 -0500
To: "EP Mailing List 1":;, "EP Mailing List 2":;
From: Agent DM <agentdm@onlink.net>
Subject: EP> Romantic 4b/4


See part 4a for details
******

The question came again from nowhere yet it had been one that she'd
been asking herself a long time. 

Are you caught up in the ride, trapped in Mulder's whirlwind? Or are
you a searcher too? 

And if you have been as dedicated to the study of truth as your
partner, are you willing to walk away?

NOT walk away, she corrected herself. Change avenues. "I'm afraid my
life is passing me by, Mulder." Her hands folded in her lap, a physical
manifestation of the attempt to unite her divided halves. "I don't want
that. And..." She looked at him again. "I don't want to leave your side."

"You're afraid it's come to choice?" Her partner asked quietly.

Her mouth twisted wryly. "Every door we've opened has lead to a
hundred others. I feel like I'm in maze with no real end. No real
beginning."

He stared at her. So capable. Strong, but...now so much doubt. His love for
her had made him a coward in some ways. And it had made him brave. It was
time to find the courage again. It was time to grow up. Grow up and let go,
if that's what she wanted. Or he'd lose her completely. And if she wanted
to leave the X-files, or even the bureau, he'd have to swallow hard and
stand behind the decision. As her friend. Scully was a door to different
dimensions. A second pair of eyes, another pair of hands, in perfect
concert with his own. Without her, he'd be crippled. But he'd go on. 

If you loved something...

"I have dedicated my life to lifting the curtain away from secrets." Mulder
whispered. "There are men out there, toying with the future and yet
accountable to no one. I believe that I will bring them to justice and that
I will find out what happened to my sister. And to you." He rose his hands
to cup her face gently. And just like that, Mulder go of her in his heart.
"If I have to, I can do this alone, this journey of mine." His thumb traced
the smoothness of her cheek. "I want you to be happy. Whatever you need to
do..." His words drifted off and he released her.

Scully stared up into his dear face and felt something click softly. Dana
Scully saw her reflection in the depth of her partner's hazel stare. Who
are you, Scully?  

"I'll take you home." Mulder said, regret making his features seem almost
tender in the star light. She gave a wordless nod and helped him gather up
the blanket and the other supplies. The car ride was just as silent as
their departure had been, both of them lost in their own thoughts. Mulder
parked on the street and walked her to the front door of her apartment
building. His hand had held her elbow, guiding her as they walked, but now
it fell away. 

"You gonna get in okay?" Normally he walked her up, but it didn't surprise
her that he didn't this time. He was eager to get going. To begin the hunt. 

"I'll manage." He gave an awkward wave and started off. "Mulder..." She
called, pursuing him. Mulder turned toward her. *Your a hopeless case. An
idiot. I think I'm falling in love with you.* She wanted to say all of the
above, but couldn't seem to force herself. She was left staring at him in
the moonlight, thinking to herself that it wasn't fair over and over. 

Scully's face was softer than he'd ever seen it. More vulnerable. The hell
with it. The hell with everything. He was tired of fighting the good fight.
Of denying himself. Of being afraid. Damm it. He strided back to her,
caught her upper arms in both hands and crushed his mouth to hers. Dana
stiffened at the contact. Finesse, you jerk, Mulder raged at himself. He
gentled and teased at her mouth with his own. One brush, then another. He
was kissing her. Finally. It sweltered in his brain. The tip of his tongue
teased at one corner of her mouth and then the other. Dana's arms drew
around him and she met his explorations with her own. She allowed him to
enter her mouth, moaning at the contact. Mulder drank of her: her breath,
her softness, her taste. He couldn't get enough. His heartbeat quickened.
This was crazy. Certifiable. Heaven help him. Scully leaned up, curling her
fists around his coat lapels and pulling closer. Their mouths met again.
Hungry. Hard. Clinging as the night air continued to wash over
them. 

"The photos." She murmured when she was finally able to break away.
Her body complained. Objected. Whined. She was taunt and shivering.

Dana Scully, trembling? Lord, he'd made her shiver. Just by kissing
her.

"Huh?" He whispered back, their breaths mingled. Mulder took her mouth
again. Had she just made Mulder forget about work? Was it possible? Oh,
this was defiantly good for her ego. She drowned in the plunging of his
tongue the feel of his firm body flexing against her own. Yearning tickled
over her skin. She lifted herself on her tip-toes to be better able to
prolong the contact. She'd dreamed of this. Of him like this. About her.
She was falling in...
 
She forced herself away again. This was it...if she didn't stop this now,
she wasn't sure she wouldn't be pulling him into his car...the
alleyway...her apartment if she could make it that far. "Kasdan's photos."
Scully repeated, her breathing overly rapid. Her voice unsteady, even to
her own ears.

He jerked back.  A wave of shock like cold water hit him. Mulder had
finally once and for all crossed the line. He started to apologize but
couldn't. He wouldn't have meant a word. At least now, when all was said
and done, he knew what this was like. After so many times dreaming,
imaging, he finally knew. And his imagination had nothing on the reality.
"Good night...Dana." He hesitated. The next words stumbled from his tongue.
"I'll see you tomorrow."


<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 



    ((Excerpt from the Journal Entry of Dr. Dana Scully))

Two roads diverging into a yellow wood. The grave of my sister standing
alone in the morning sun. A golden cross hanging ever before me in the
distance. These are the images that I wake to. Emerson wrote that there are
two paths, one well trod , and the other less traveled by. I have walked a
road over grown and choked with weeds. I have bore this as all things: my
duty, my job, my obligation....but never as my choice. I awoke after four
years, realizing that time was sweeping me ever forward. Looking back
through the mist of a life reborn, I came to desire the fullness of life
that I have seen in others. I began to crave the easier way. I nearly
fooled myself into the acceptance that
I may fight the battle and yet not bear the scars. When my conscience did
not allow peace, I tried to mold the truth into a dark creature of
impossibility. One that could never be tamed or revealed. 

I have allowed the shackles of joylessness to bind my hands. With-in this
decision were the small mutinies where I declared myself, for one moment,
free. Always I returned, confining my wishes to a field of waiting.
Assuring myself that this justice we have been seeking, upon its discovery,
would become the beginning of my life. I had forgotten Mulder's cardinal
rule. I opened myself to the possibilities in my search but not with-in my
life. This was an error both in judgment and in belief. Dreams held with-in
too long will wither away. 



Scully tossed down her pen in frustration. Restless. Again, so restless.
Normally writing in her journal helped. She paced into the kitchen, pouring
herself a glass of water. She'd come straight how after the park. She'd
watched t.v. She'd checked her e-mail. Then, no longer to delay the
inevitable, she'd pulled her journal from her desk and began writing. She
finished the water quickly as if it was some sort of lifeline. 

That poem. 

The need to find it and read quickly grew into a compulsion. It had to be
in one of her college texts, didn't it? She went to her closet, removing
the first of several boxes with-in. She searched each one meticulously. She
found nothing of any value. Dana sat back among the boxes, trying to
remember where - if anywhere - the poem might be. She was on her feet again
and moving into her bedroom. Several abandoned text books lay in the bottom
of her night chest, but not the one she sought. 

Atop the closet shelf in her bedroom were yet more boxes. Her mother never
threw anything away. When Dana had moved in she'd been given box upon box
of memorabilia from her childhood. Scully had for a long time intended on
going through the boxes, but could never seem to find the time or energy.
And perhaps, deep down, she felt that since her mother had kept these
treasures all this time, she should too. She set each cardboard box down on
her bed and rifled through them. Ten minutes later her fingers paused on a
green-blue cover. Her college literature book. She gave a soft snort of
amusement. Her mom really, really was a pack rat, she thought fondly. Thank
God.

Scully searched the table of contents and found the poem. Her fingers
tugged at the pages, turning them until she found it. Scully had changed as
soon as she'd arrived home, choosing to wear a pair of gray sweat pants a
size too large and a soft cotton white pajama top. She propped a pillow
behind her and curled back against the headboard of her queen-sized bed.
She began to read.

"Two road diverged into a yellow wood.
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent into the undergrowth;

Dana skipped down, not knowing why. Following her instincts. Perhaps it was
because some part of her already knew this part, that the path she had
traveled in the last four years was  free from the wear of footsteps.
Scientists, as a rule, had guidelines. The works of others always lead the
way. Natural law and probability always lit the path forward. Mulder's
journey was uncharted. Unknown in every extreme. He seemed content here.
But to Dana it warred with every principle she understood.

"Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence;
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."

Dana pushed a hand trough her hair, holding it back from her oval
shaped face. She let the book fall closed and in that moment, she
found peace. n several long drawn out moments of though, she found who
she was again. She was an F.B.I agent, a doctor, a friend, a daughter,
a sister....and the woman who was in love with Fox Mulder. But
mostly...mostly...she was Dana Scully.


((Continuation of Excerpt From the Journal of Dana Scully))


Knowing what I feel for my partner is not the completeness that I have
sought. It is a part of a bigger whole. The conspiracy does not seek to
cloak one truth in the midst of nothingness. Rather it desires to replaces a
portion of many truths. Keeping them hidden, performing slights of hand. We
are in the end, what we choose to be. Believers or non-believers. I believe
in the search. I believe in my partner. Mulder will be by my side,
insistent on shining his light over that which others refuse to see. I will
be by Mulder's side, separating the fiction from the reality, ever
balancing, ever vigilant.  In this tangling of lives, we have become
linked. We have stood strong. Because of this my meaning...Our meaning
ultimately lies within one another. I have
looked at the two paths and have made my choice.


<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>



The next morning Mulder jogged as per his usual. Five laps and he
didn't feel a thing. He didn't feel the shower as it rushed over him,
drowning his body in warmth. Mulder got dressed, got in his car and
still couldn't feel anything. Anything except the memory of her lips
parting beneath his. Her hands clutching at him. His arms around her.

She was at her desk, as he came in. Mulder gave her a long look, but

said nothing. She returned the gaze, but likewise didn't say a word.
"I'm gonna try and set up a meeting with the senator." Mulder said
finally and moved to do so. An hour later they were facing down the
hostile member of Congress. They were ejected a full second after
Mulder brought out the photographs. It was about the reaction that he
expected. 

"Scully, I'm going to ask that the body of Simon Kasdan be exhumed.
I'd like you to perform another autopsy."

"Mulder with the condition that the body must be in..."

"Just take a look." Mulder requested. Not an bullying tone. A
respectful one. The same one he'd been using all morning. "See if you
find anything."

It was one of the few exchanges they'd had since the night before,
They were both as nervous as two pacing cats. Unsure of the other's
reaction. Uncertain where to go from here. The day dragged on.

Scully left early. At around four, not explaining to Mulder where she
was going or why. Some things she still, despite herself, felt she should
handle on her own. Aaron Cope was one of those things. 

Dana wasn't sure that she wasn't making a mistake. She may look back
on this moment with regret if she were alone...later. But Aaron and
the future he offered wasn't the meaning she sought. It was grabbing
at straws. She wanted a life with someone. Not a lie. 

"This is about Mulder." Aaron bit out. "You have feelings for him."

"Your reducing this to over simplistic terms. With or without Mulder,
continuing wouldn't be fair. Not to either of us." Scully squeezed his
arm lightly. "Your a very worthwhile man." A quiet, compassionate
expression on her face. "But I believe you have other prospects that
would yield better answers than I can." 

"Well," He mused. Aaron stepped back from her, taking a moment to
collect himself. "I hope you find what your looking for Dana." He
murmured after a long moment. "But I admit...I don't think you'll find
it in Fox Mulder." He turned his head so she could see his face. He
was sincere. Sad, perhaps, but without any real malice. 

"I'm sorry if I've hurt you." Dana answered. "But Mulder isn't to
blame for that. I am." 

She touched his arm again. Aaron nodded in an unspoken agreement with
her gesture of farewell. He turned to her, taking her in his arms.
Aaron Cope held her for just a moment before letting her go.  


<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 


She waited a full week before seeing Mulder again outside of work. Some
outdated view of respect for Aaron held her back. She wasn't the type to
jump from the arms of one man into the arms of another. Besides, she was
terrified. Mulder had kissed her. She just wasn't sure what on earth that
meant. They worked side by side with so much unsaid. Mulder kept things
light, as was his talent and she let him. Yet every now and again, she
would catch him staring at her. Several times, he'd looked up and found her
staring at him. He was her best friend. And he was a stranger. 

Dana Scully's life had changed with the realization of her feelings
for her partner. Scully loved Mulder. No, more than that. She loved
working with him. She loved the X-files. He needed her, and
she...needed him back, she needed the quest and the answers and every
other damnable thing that he did. Most of all she needed to know that
he was by her side. Dana had always been very articulate. But how did
you put your heart into words? She didn't know. Had never known.

Then it came to her, what Missy would have said. 'Actions speak louder
than words, kiddo,'

She showed up at his apartment near eleven one night after they'd put
in a twelve hour day. Scully was holding a bag of unpopped popcorn and
a video as a peace offering. She was trying desperately to control her
fluttering pulse. Mulder opened the door.  

"Hiya." Mulder greeted, his eyes uncertain. He looked surprised but
stepped back to let her in.

"You busy?"

Mulder had been checking into the good Senator's background via the
internet. "Not at the moment." He took the popcorn and jerked his head
toward the kitchen, instructing her to follow him. This place was
almost as familiar as her own apartment. She slipped the tape onto the
small kitchen table and pulled out a chair for herself. Mulder was
setting the timer on the microwave. 

Mulder opened his fridge and fished out some butter. She peered at him
closely trying to see how much he was using. He threw close to a
quarter of a stick in a small bowl. "Easy on the butter." Scully
instructed. She swore one day that man's arteries were simply going to
spontaneously combust. Mulder cut what he'd been about to use in half
and set the bowl on the counter till the microwave was free. Mulder
took the seat opposite her a few moments later. They talked about
Skinner's latest reprimand as the popcorn made banging sounds in the
background.

"Senators are so sensitive nowadays." Mulder commented mockingly.

"Mulder, about the other night..." She began.

His countenance was practically made of stone. It was that hard to
read. He stood and removed the popcorn from the microwave, setting the
bowl of butter in its place. The aroma of the freshly popped kernels
filled the kitchen. He punched in thirty second on the clocked and
then pressed start firmly. "I thought we were pretending that didn't
happen."

"Why would we do that?"

"Why wouldn't we?" The only thing that broke the battle of will they
were developing was the microwave dinging in it's time. He reached for
the butter, pouring it over the popcorn liberally. He shook the bag to
stir its contents.

Great. She had come over to tell him how she felt and instead she was
playing twenty questions. "I want you to answer my question."

He was lounging back against the counter. He dug into the bag and tossed a
white puffy piece into his mouth, trying his best to ignore her. "Just let
it go."

That answer seared through her. Wasn't that their answer to almost
everything? To every argument, every area of discomfort? Anything
personal. Bury it, don't talk about it. Lean on one another if need
be, but never...never mention it past the moment.  "I'm tired of
letting things go." Scully insisted. No reaction from him. "Mulder, we
need to confront this." 

"That's a bad idea." He insisted.

Scully kept at him. "Mulder...":

"I said, leave it alone Scully." He growled. His voice had been loud
enough to echo gingerly around the kitchen. 

"The hell I will." She snapped, refusing to be intimidated. "*Why* did
it happen?" He didn't want to lose her. Couldn't. Yet here she was
asking him, and he'd never lied to her. He'd kept things from her, but
when she asked...he'd never betrayed her with his words. Only with his
silence. Her eyes softened as she watched him struggle. "Just tell
me."

He struggled for words, felt them choking in his throat. "There's...no
comfortable way to say this. I can only tell you that I have always
held you in the highest possible regard." She was giving him a blank
look. He was babbling. Or at least he suspected he was. He couldn't be
sure. "I would never infringe on you in any way. I just...Scully..." He
couldn't do it. Not with her so close to him. So close and yet... He
grimaced. "Stay here." 

Dana blinked. He had all but marched from the room without bothering
to set down the popcorn. In the time she's known him, they'd had some
strange conversations. This one had to rank in the top ten. She was
going to give him three minutes to get back in there and tell her what
on earth was going on or else...or else...she was going to jump him. 

Two minutes later from inside her purse came a ring. Oh, you have got to be
kidding me, Scully groaned inwardly. Skinner or Aaron or her mother seemed
the most likely candidates to blame for the interruption. None of those
people was particularly welcome at this moment. Dutifully she lifted it to
her ear and answered. "Dana Scully." 

"What I was trying to say..." Between words she could hear the crunching of
popcorn.

"Mulder?"

"Hi." He greeted. More of the soft rustling as he munched slowly.

"Where are you?"

"In the living room." Dana started to go and look for herself. He was
kidding, right? As if he could read her mind, he said, "Stay where you are,
F.B.I woman." He paused. "In a strange way, it seems almost appropriate to
have this conversation on the phone with you."

"Mulder...is this a phone sex thing?"

In any other circumstances he would have laughed. But not today. "No, this
is a clear and blatant act of cowardice. You asked. I couldn't say it in
there."

"Couldn't you say what?" Scully asked him quietly.

"There's a lot of things. But it all comes back to...I love you. No strings
attached. I...I've been in love with you for a long time." Nothing from the
other line. Mulder's jaw tensed forming a hard knot. It was possible that
he'd just killed them. Scully had asked of him the one thing that he'd been
unwilling to give. Some words had the power to make people disappear. "I
know they say silence is golden but..."

"I love you too." She said softly.

Mulder's heart stopped. He was hearing things. He had to be. He tried
to find words. Silence hung between them. No, no. no. She meant as a
friend. As a partner. Mulder forced his hopes back down inside him.
She meant anything...anything but what he thought she did. He heard
her footfalls coming closer. He looked up to find her standing before
him, cell-phone still in hand but now hanging limply at her side.
Mulder was at a loss at to what to do now. He offered her the popcorn
bag. "Popcorn?" 

Scully stifled a grin. She sat down next to him and leaned forward,
opening her mouth slightly. Mulder raised a kernel to her lips and
pressed it inside. Her tongue flickered out and licked at the butter
on his fingertips. Teasing him with the velvet wetness of her mouth
before she drew back and chewed on the midnight snack. 

Scully let her mouth open again, proffering for more. Mulder complied,
but this time she captured his thumb and sucked softly, twirling her
tongue on the ball of it. Desire pounded through him like a cannon. He
was already rock hard, just by the fleeting provocations. This fire
had burned bright and hot for a long time. It wouldn't take much for
it's jaws to swallow them, devouring them whole. Mulder's gaze
darkened and he ran a white kernel around the edge of the bowl,
coating butter over it. He shifted his hand and grazed the kernel over
the tip of her ear. He bent toward her, breaking their eye contact at
the last possible moment before nibbling at her. She tasted salty and
sweet all at the same time. Her lightly perfumed scent filled his
senses. 

Still he felt uncertainty. This was Scully.  "I can't...I'm offering
you all I've got here, Scully." He murmured in her ear. He sounded
almost hoarse. "You know that, right?" Dana leaned forward and pressed
a kiss to one of his eyelids and then the other. He was so still.
Refusing to come to her as she wanted. 

She brushed her mouth over his brow. "I know."


Finally that famous cocky smile that she knew so well. Again Mulder
dipped and traced, this time using the kernel as a brush and trailing
it down her neck. She arched her neck, surrendering to the feel of his
kiss. His mouth followed the buttery path, licking at the sensitive
skin, grazing his teeth there. "You know," His tone was low and husky.
"This has been one of my fantasies with regards to you for awhile."

"Fantasies?  As in more than one?" 

He soaked butter into another piece if popcorn and painted the 'v' of
her neck line. "Definitely plural." He claimed her lips with his own,
exploring, tangling his tongue with hers. His hand slide from her
waist and teased over her stomach before cupping her breast. Her
fingers were working at his shirt, unlocking the buttons from their
place, pushing it from his shoulders. 

Dana leaned in and tasted the hollow of his shoulder. "Was this your
favorite?"

"My favorite involves..." He groaned and pulled her atop him, shifting
his thighs between hers. He pressed against her, grinding slowly. "I
don't really want to go into the details at the moment, but suffice to
say, it involves you in a lab coat with nothing underneath."

She laughed shakily as he'd intended. "I'm nervous."

He was nervous too, but didn't admit it. He felt like a kid copping
his first feel. That innocent. That young. So darned sure that he was
going to get this wrong. "Just like riding a bike Scully." He rolled
so that he was on top of her and tugged her shirt over her head. He
let his eyes feast on her pale flesh, tracing the strap of her bra
with one finger. 

"That's not what I meant." She sat up slightly, halting his hand with
her own. "What if we're disastrous at this?"

"Then we'll have to keep trying till we get it right." He wriggled his
eyebrows and got her to smile. "Scully...let me see you."

She unhooked her bra and let it fall away. More nervously, she watched
him. "Ta-da."

He let his eyes say everything. His look of tender desire melted with
her own.  Everything he'd ever imagined was true. His fingers caressed
the curve of her and then flicked over her nipples slowly. Mulder
watched the flush rise over her face. He touched her again, harder.
Pressing her hardening nub back and forth. Faster. Mulder's alternate
hand was still clasping the popcorn bag and he slowly poured some of
it's contents over her chest and stomach. It would have been funny if
his mouth hadn't instantly, hungrily, followed. He sucked her skin,
letting each piece melt in his mouth as he laved the butter and salt
left behind by the contact. He poured again, concentrating on her
breasts this time. Eating over and around her nipples before sucking
hard and deep on her. The bag tumbled from his grasp to the floor,
spilling. His mouth devoured hers and as both his hands rose to
manipulate the tender flesh.

"Don't stop talking to me." She rasped. "It makes me feel...safer."

"You are safe." He lightened his kisses, just touching her mouth.
 
"I feel...shaky..." His hand was working at pushing inside her pants.
He needed more of her. "Really shaky."

"Really, really shaky?" Mulder breathed in her ear just as his fingers
found her hot center.

She bucked against him. "Mulder."

"I love you Scully." He slid two fingers in now. Scully was wet and
pulsing, closing so tightly around him. He felt as if he was dying at
the contact. "Always have." Mulder kept his fingers working slow and
steady. She was moving with him now. He lapped at her nipple, still
watching her face. Her mouth was contorting. Her body writhing. Mulder
felt like he was being granted a miracle. "Since you gave me that skeptical
look when I first asked you if you believed in
extraterrestrials." 


"Mulder." He was stroking over her clit with his thumb now, timing it
with the thrust of his hand. 

"Dana, look at me." She did, her eyes almost sightless, heavy with
passion. "Say my name. Call out to me." He moved faster over the
center of her pleasure, increasing the steady penetration even more.

"Mulder."

"Again." He ordered and pulled strongly at her breast with his hot
mouth.

"Mulder..." 

Mulder ran kisses her stomach, pushing her pants away from her legs
and then her panties. White underwear. Lacy. Silk. He caressed her
legs. "Tell me what you want."

"Please."

"What, sweetheart, what?" His breath hovered over her now, cooling her
wetness, infuriating her senses further. His smile was curved
wickedly. He was ever her rogue, ever the rebel who pushed her past
her common sense. "What do you want?" He nuzzled her with his chin,
teasing her with the point of his soft tongue. "What can I do for
you?"

"Make me..."

He was actively licking now. Quick, but light. Still teasing. Killing
her. "Mm?"

"Make me come....Mulder."

His hands returned to her emptiness. Playing over her. "You're so
beautiful. I've never told you."

"I love you." She rasped as she felt her body halt at a wide prepice.

"Now." It was half begging. Half a command. But his mouth was on her
again. Loud sucking sounds, as he moaned at the taste of her. He laved
over her, swallowing her whole. Making her feel as if the world
centered on his mouth and what he was doing to her. She felt so on
fire. Out of control. It scared her. It thrilled her. "Now." He told
her again. The heavens tumbled down around her. Blackness enveloped
her. She spasmed. Again. Again. He didn't stop the slow deep thrusting
of his tongue, tasting her orgasm, following her through it.

"Mulder. I need you." 

Her friend and partner rose his mouth to hers. She was the one now who
was desperate to feel his skin. To have nothing between them. She tore
his clothes away, feeling bolder and more aroused than she ever had.
Her hands ran over his arms, testing  the muscles there. His chest was
solid, barely sprinkled with hair. His was stomach flat and hard. Fox
Mulder was beautiful. Always had been. Always would be. She was losing
herself in the feel of him. 

She took his hardness in her hands, cupping him. Mulder growled and
pushed her thighs apart gently. His eyes jumped to hers. A last chance
for her to refuse him. To push him away. She reached for him, tugging
his head down to hers via his neck. Mulder pushed inside her slowly.
Her body gave way to him. His breath caught. He was feeling
perfection. He wanted to be tender with all his heart, but his body
was on a much faster race and she was egging it on. Digging her nails
into his back, lifting her hips, murmuring her need for him to be
deeper...harder in his ear. He was already so close. The patience of
four years of emotional foreplay was wearing very thin. 

He could feel her all around him, holding him with-in her [tightly. The
friction took him deeper. Deeper. He gritted his teeth against the
pleasure. They were one. One soul, one heart, one body...everything.
So much so that he was sure that they would never be truly separated
again. "You're mine now." He told her fiercely. "Better or worse..."

"So are you." Scully's voice was a cry in his ear. His pistoning body
was stroking hers with insistent seduction, restoring her fires. Her
legs wrapped around his hips and she moaned as he  drove in even
deeper. He felt himself smile. They were dead even in their want of
one another. In their need. He could do this to her. Take the ice she
used as a shield and melt it, make her wild. 

He let her have everything she asked of his body. "That's right, Scully."
Mulder  whispered as she snapped her hips to his. Too fast, too soon, too
sudden. And there nothing he could do about it. 

He moved his body against hers harder....demanding everything she had
to give. She quaked around him once again, falling over the cliff.
Shutting his eyes he whispered her name and surrendered, falling off
the edge after her. Mulder held her tightly as the world came apart.
He gave her everything, holding nothing back. No longer afraid. When
time slowed and he felt her planting kisses all over his face and
neck,  he came back to himself. She was still there, looking at him
with her soul in those sparkling eyes. Mulder realized that he was
looking into forever. They exchanged soft touches, saying nothing.
Both of them scared. Both of them hopeful.

He awoke with his body curled protectively over hers. Her hair was
fanned out over his chest and it made his heart ache to see her
looking so peaceful. He stroked her face. It would be another hour
until she woke. Mulder lay there, watching the rise and fall of her
breathing. studying her mouth and the way she felt in his arms.

"Mulder?" She murmured and lifted her head. She gave him a dazzling
smile as she saw that he was awake. "What time is it?"

"Early." He answered. It was just near five, and the sun still hadn't
shown itself. She hummed in answered and snuggled down against him
again. 

"Got to do that autopsy today." She muttered, yawning as she spoke. 

It was strange that her thoughts had strayed in that direction. But he
supposed that thinking about work had long become second nature to
them both. "I was just thinking about the X-files." He admitted. 

She tilted her head up giving a wry look. "Is there ever a time you aren't
thinking about the X-files?"

He lifted his chin obstinately. "Given the events of the last few
hours, I think I can safely abstain from that question." He settled
one arm behind his head, so he could look down at her face a bit
easier. "We're breaking the rules, here, sweetheart." He didn't sound
as if he had any regrets. As a matter of fact by the intense
satisfaction in his eyes, she read him to feel just the opposite.

"You always have been a bad influence." She gave him a soft peck,
enjoying the relaxed shimmering in his eyes. If she didn't know any
better, she'd say that right now Mr. Guilt was feeling happy. Give him
an hour and he'd probably be back to his normal self. But that was
okay. "Whether we're together like this or not, I love you. Whether
there's a bureau watching our every move or not, I love you. I have to
put some measure of trust in that." 

That sounded like a good enough plan to him. "I don't want you to
think that I think this changes anything. This is separate from work.
If you decide to transfer..."

"I'm not." She cut him off. That was news to him. He was having a hard
time putting two and two together. "I lost faith that I was making a
difference." She explained.  "I'm sorry."

He stared into her eyes, bringing his hand to her hair and brushing it
back from her face. "Am I still your best friend?"

She hugged him tightly and nodded against his bare chest. "Always." 

"Scully," He grimaced, his forehead wrinkling in thought. "You know,
I'm not the easiest guy in the world to get along with."

He was giving her a warning. This...they...probably wouldn't be easy.
Big surprise. Since when was anything ever easy for them? Your stuck
with me, She thought to him and she knew that her face was echoing as
much.  "I'll manage." She said. His chest rumbled with laughter. He
completely believed her.



<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


She went home to change and Mulder set about his daily routine. His

feet lifted and fell on the clay ground. The air had a dampness to it.
The rain was threatening again. But it was still a few hours off.
Jogging had been the haven for his thoughts for a long time. He didn't
know how to be happy any more than he knew how to love. It was all
new, this thing he was going to try to build with Scully. Who else on
earth would have him? His speed was steady as he rounded a corner.
Even. Scully made him feel that way. As if he might just win the race
after all. And have a life in the bargain? MAKE a life...with her. His
feet tred lightly, making soft scratching sounds as he moved. He sure
the heck hoped that he'd made himself clear on that point. He was in
this for good. Better or worse. 
If you loved something...

Some words had been cheapened by time. Others sat in isolation. Just
as lasting in meaning as they ever had been. Untouched by human
frailty. Protected by some force much greater than thousands of years
and a million perversions of the well-spring. The foundation, despite
everything, inevitably still flowed pure. Still real. Believing in
love and believing that love could be returned  was still a miracle.
It challenged the concept of impossibility. Which was as it should be.

She loved him. It wasn't raining. Mulder picked up his pace. He
suddenly wanted to be done with his laps as quickly as possible.
Scully would be waiting for him at the office. 



<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<Writer's Plea For Feedback>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>



The writer stood with an X-files cap on her head and took the small
garden variety lizard from the postman. Postman Donnie gave a
frustrated sigh, walking away sullenly. "If you leave," The writer
conveyed to the lizard who was dressed in a small parka and earmuffs.
"You'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But soon.
Everyday for the rest of your life."

The lizard said nothing, but flickered his tongue and gave a soft
sneeze. The writer set the little fellow on her shoulder. "You know
Skippy, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

Together, the writer and the reptile walked into the sunset.


If you approve of silly rip-offs of classic movies, please write to
Mariacomet@hotmail.com.

If you think that all writers who employee both the use of imaginary
lizards and classic movies are really kind of silly, please write
Mariacomet@hotmail.com

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< END - Writer's Plea for Feedback>>>>>>>>>>>>>>